“I have never felt this alone.”

July 1, 2012 at 14:40 496 comments

My friend Nidhi, NM of  the blog world, sent out a mail telling a bunch of us about the harassment her friend faced in the metro in New Delhi. I was shocked, saddened and alarmed at the attitude of people in such a “cosmopolitan” city and urge you to read the following account, in the victim’s own words. Please do share as much as you can. Nidhi has  put up the email she sent as a blog post too.


This post contains language, four-letter word language. These are my words and my account. Most of the exchange was in Hindi, nearly everything I shouted was in English.

23rd June, afternoonish, I board the metro from Noida City Center. The train was almost empty, I find a spot by the right side of the car near the door, put my earphones on and prepare to wait through all the stations till Rajiv Chowk. Few stations afterwards, I feel someone hovering, I turn to look and this guy wearing shades is leaning towards me, his arm extended above me brushing my head, holding the seat railing, his breath fans my hair. I look beyond him, the coach is still relatively empty with plenty of space for someone to stand comfortably without being forced to lean on another passenger and breathe down their neck. I assumed he wanted to get off at the next station and waited. Station arrives, we are standing to the right of the coach, the doors open to the left and he doesn’t move.

I ask him now, do you wish to get off at the next station?
He answers in negative and looks away. I continue to address him, please step back you are crowding me.
He ignores me. I speak again.
He turns and says, why are you here, you should be in the women’s coach.
I tell him, women do not have restrictions on travelling cause they apparently can travel in decency, step back please.
He continues to ignore me and doesn’t move.

Another guy standing to the front us says to 1st guy, when she’s asking you to move why don’t you just move?
2nd guy says, what is it to you? You are her what?
They start arguing. 2nd guy says to 1st guy, hey! speak to her however you want but speak to me with respect!
Interesting how suddenly the dynamic of the situation changes. It’s about respect, not towards me but to his manhood.
Sufficiently angered they start shoving each other.

I try to turn away and ignore them hoping they will stop and quit being assholes. But it escalates. The other passengers are watching but not really doing anything to stop the fight. In a matter of seconds it turns horrifically ugly, 1st guy smashes his fist into 2nd guys face and 2nd guy falls to the floor, blood gushing out of his nose and forehead. The other passengers go wild. Few turn to me and start shouting, THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, YOU STARTED THIS FIGHT, THIS IS ALL BECAUSE YOU CAME INTO THIS COACH.

I’m a little surprised and I try to tell them, I am not the reason they started fighting cause 1st guy didn’t speak with “respect” to 2nd guy. Of course no one is listening. The crowd is a frenzy. The 2nd guy get up off the floor, blood dripping everywhere, no one helps him. One of the passengers steps up to me and shouts, DO SOMETHING THIS IS YOUR FAULT STOP THEM FROM FIGHTING. Can you imagine stepping in between 2 aggressive physically violent men and trying to stop a fight? Me, a girl? When all these other men in the coach haven’t yet made ANY moves to stop the fight!? The train stops at Akshardham station and 1st guy runs out. 2nd guy starts calling his friends and runs out as well. The crowd is screaming at me to call the cops. My shock is a delayed reaction, but it finally sets in. I am supposed to call the cops? If I was in an accident am I supposed to call the ambulance? I dial 100, networks choppy no surprises there. Someone answers, I give the details, which station, 2 men fighting, badly hurt. The guy on the other end of the line hangs up. I can’t believe this is happening to me, I’m standing here in a coach with 50 odd men and they are all shouting at me.

– I did not start anything, I spoke up because he wouldn’t move!
– I have as much right to be here as any of you. I’m not the reason the government made separate coach for women.
– The reason is men like you who cannot respect women and instead of stepping up to stop harassment you encourage it by segregating us.

Yes. I shouted these words. Perhaps not coherently. Perhaps not eloquently. I couldn’t understand how even one individual out of all these people didn’t have the decency to REALLY see what had happened and try to stop it. My disbelief had turned to royal fucking rage. There were a few women, who looked on like how you glance back at road accidents. I shouted at them as well, shame on you for standing there, this happens to you too and you don’t have the balls to say a word now. My head was a screaming mess of thoughts, my heart felt it will explode. Strangely even though my knees were shaking like hell, I felt a strange compulsion to stay and not flee. There’s a button by the door for emergencies. I recall this hours after the incident. The crowd wouldn’t let up. Every time the coach doors opened and new passengers got on they ask about all the blood on the floor, everyone starts pointing fingers at me, SHE STARTED A FIGHT BETWEEN 2 MEN. WHY DON’T YOU GET OFF, GET OFF GET OFF GET OFF!!!! After 3-4 more stations I’m trying really not to fucking loose it. I continue to stand by the door.

One man in the back shouts, Ladkiyan to hoti hi aisee hain… I turn to see who spoke, he’s hidden between passengers… wo dono pit gaye par isko koi asar nahi huya.
I turn back, FUCK YOU!
Another man from the front of the coach jumps out, HEY SHOW SOME RESPECT!!
– Respect????? I’m aghast. Respect to whom? You all stand around and do nothing and I said fuck you so now you want to teach me respect.
– All the men all the time keep saying vile abuses, maa bahen ki gaaliyan and NO ONE SAYS ANYTHING TO THEM. I said fuck you, so you want to teach me respect!

I’m glad he didn’t dare. I do not know what I would have done. I start clapping and giving everyone the thumbs up, THANK YOU EVERYONE, brilliant display of support, I feel so good about my country. Keep it up.
I’m sure they all thought I have gone completely mad. I was mad. Stark raving mad. But I stood there listening to them talk and laugh and stare at me. I wondered why I wasn’t crying or falling apart. My shock was tremendous, my disappointment crippled me. Frozen I continued to stand by that door.

7 stations later I get off at Rajiv Chowk. I do not know why I didn’t just get off before. I probably should have. But I felt at that point, perhaps stupidly now that I have hindsight, no fucking force on earth is going to make me feel like a victim, I’m not going to get off, I have as much right to be here as any one of these barbaric men. My knees wouldn’t quit shaking by the way, I felt as if I had no oxygen. I didn’t want to report it. I didn’t want to do anything. I just wanted to be left alone, that’s all I had asked. Thinking back I cannot still understand how literally the most ridiculous thing turned so ugly. I’m sure you are thinking, why did she do this, why didn’t she just leave, why did she even get in the general coach, what was she wearing, what does she look like to elicit such an incident. And you know what, that’s precisely the whole fucking point. It doesn’t matter what you think might be a cause or a reason. No one, NOT A SINGLE person had the balls to step up and help me. And all these 50 odd men, your regular joes, college kids, engineers going to office shouldering laptops, salesmen and just normal folks commuting.

I have never felt this alone.

And for the record, I’m AGAINST the separate coach for women. It is the most ridiculous solution the government came up with to ensure women traveler’s safety. Segregating men and women will never help anyone develop tolerance and respect for others PERSONAL SPACE.

Thank you for reading.

Entry filed under: Causes to Champion, Viva la Femme. Tags: .

O womaniya…. Towards Solutions…

496 Comments Add your own

  • 1. nisha  |  July 1, 2012 at 19:28

    this post gave me goose bumps. A woman is not safe even in a public place with so many men and women around her? And we boast about being a helpful nation with unity in diversity and loving thy neighbor.
    I feel ashamed, really ashamed.

    • 2. chandni  |  July 2, 2012 at 11:55

      I agree Nisha. I could picture the scene and imagined myself in her place. Who can even hope fir support when all individuals hold such opinions and the mob turns against you?

    • 3. chandan  |  July 3, 2012 at 13:54

      we, are a fucked up country. that is what we are! anything else is just bull shit!

      • 4. theone  |  July 6, 2012 at 20:23

        this is the WORST made up story i have ever read

        • 5. Sami  |  July 9, 2012 at 09:18

          and you know that how?

        • 6. indiagirl123  |  July 14, 2012 at 09:20

          it’s a personal blog, you jackass..what the hell is wrong with you? you’ve become too cynical..so do us all a favor and stop reading such “made-up” stories and mind your own business..

          • 7. Kel  |  July 25, 2012 at 10:57


            You in-coherent, self loathing, undeniably ignorant person. You are as simply cut off from reality having not see the recent harassment in Guwati. More than being educated and informed, you seem in-experienced, cynical and highly derogatory towards a basic right for every human in today’s world. You are clearly ‘damaged’ with regards to your upbringing and humanity is something you clearly are not familiar with. So as you react and spew emotions of an animal, i respond to you as a cur, (hopefully one should know the meaning of this)…
            GET THE FUCK OFF and go live a life!!!

            @Kel: I think you are directing anger towards the wrong person. She said the same thing you want to, to an earlier commentator! Thanks – Chandni

          • 8. Rushil Fernandes  |  October 24, 2012 at 18:07

            Indiagirl my arse! You don’t have the balls to use your real name.

          • 9. Lleyn  |  December 13, 2012 at 13:56

            This is directed at Kel and Rushil Fernandes: I think you got the wrong person. You answered to indiagirl, who was not the one who wrote that they believe it to be a made-up story. Indiagirl in fact told that person to stop reading if they didn’t believe the story.

        • 10. Sonia  |  July 24, 2012 at 14:10

          Why do you think its made up? It could be true and I can totally imagine it happening.

        • 11. sheens  |  July 24, 2012 at 14:39

          if you think this is fiction, stop fucking reading it you sonovajackass!

        • 12. irene  |  July 25, 2012 at 00:29

          Why should this story be made up? I don’t think there is a single woman on the planet who has not been harrassed at one point in her life – be it in any European country, in the Americas or in Asia. I for sure can identify with this experience–without living in India. Men have always had and continue to have issues with regarding women as their equals, the only difference basically being the gender. Sexism may be much more implicit in so-called developed countries but it continues to be an everyday problem. And the problem is being caused by men. Men who feel threatened, who feel bereft of their century-old privileges, who are envious. Men apparently like and need to feel superior to women, the hell knows why.

        • 13. Aurelia  |  July 25, 2012 at 00:34

          Why would you think that ? Are you a girl living in India ? if so you KNOW she is speaking the truth and even if this story was made up its not far away from the truth. This is pathetic and I know you will take offence in anything I say but I am sad for people like you who want to turn a blind eye to things that are happening. India rearing up to be the next world power but trust me, if issues such as these and corruption are not controlled they will swallow us whole.

        • 14. Anon  |  July 25, 2012 at 11:32

          whosoever wrote this, please go take a hike. Am sure, you also belong to that majority of Indian men, who would have just stood around instead of helping that girl.

        • 15. Rushil Fernandes  |  October 24, 2012 at 18:06

          While we cannot know for sure that this story is true, my female friends have told me of things that have happened to them that are a lot worse. Please ask any women you know the shit they have to endure every single day on the streets and in the buses and virtually every public place in our glorious country.
          People like you are all to common and make me ashamed to call myself Indian.

        • 16. Ram  |  December 25, 2012 at 01:05

          Made up, my foot! Must be some chauvinistic, egotistic, pompous, self-conceited male to say it’s made-up…..and suppose that were your wife, sister, cousin si, mother, grandma, neighbour aunty or some other woman you closely know, would you have thought it’s made-up? You’re nothing but a hypocrite to say it’s made up!

        • 17. lily  |  August 2, 2013 at 16:48

          FUCK YOU

  • 18. Wanderer  |  July 1, 2012 at 22:28

    WTF does it mean when in the capital city of the country a woman gets openly harassed not only by hooligans but also by general public??!!! I’m beyond surprised, I’m utterly shocked and ashamed to call myself a member of this society. Shame on Delhi-ites. Shame on public. Shame on everyone who not only stood by and watched tamasha, but thought that she was responsible for the situation. I’m terribly sad.

    • 19. chandni  |  July 2, 2012 at 11:56

      Seriously, what can we hope for in a place with such mentality? Stand up for yourself, get harassed. Keep quiet and be helpless, seems to be the message. :/

    • 20. Mazar  |  July 13, 2012 at 15:20

      It means we live in a shit society which is only marginally better than the Taliban for all our “centuries” glorious fucking culture!

      • 21. sumedha  |  August 8, 2012 at 02:57

        its actually worse than that……atleast the taliban are what they are to their faces……we, however, are a society full of hypocrites….!

  • 22. Ashwathy  |  July 2, 2012 at 09:17

    I read it on IHM’s blog too but could not comment it. I am appalled by this incident….nothing short of shocked. Hats off to the girl who actually managed to stay on in the metro till she came to her actual destination. It takes a lot of courage to stand up to a mob like that.

    • 23. chandni  |  July 2, 2012 at 11:56

      It takes so much courage. For all the rants on blogs, I wonder if I will be able to show the same. hats off!

  • 24. The Girl Next Door  |  July 2, 2012 at 12:17

    This is so, so, so shameful. I can’t even begin to imagine what the girl would have felt like. Hats off to her for standing firm through the entire ordeal.

    I am appalled. Stand up for yourself and get mobbed. Wah India!

  • 25. Pepper  |  July 2, 2012 at 14:48

    Read this on IHM’s blog. I don’t know what to say. I tend to lose my voice when anger of this intensity runs through me.

    • 26. chandni  |  July 2, 2012 at 14:54

      I know the feeling. Its anger and helplessness all rolled in to one :/

  • 27. Shashi  |  July 2, 2012 at 15:51

    When you ask someone what was the cause of the wars in the epics – Ramayana and Mahabharata – you will promptly get a response – Seeta and Draupadi. Its never ever the bad man’s lust or greed that was the cause.


    But I am with the girl. She’s given a fitting reply to those 50 odd “men”…..

    • 28. chandni  |  July 2, 2012 at 15:54

      True Shashi! And I loved your previous comment talking about your experiences and relationship with your wife, thumbs up! We need more sensitive and open minded men like you!

      • 29. Shashi  |  July 3, 2012 at 14:43

        Thanks, Chandni. I am still not ‘there’ yet, but yes, I hope to be sometime soon in that relationship thing.

        Why did those 50+ ‘men’ get into that coach? They should all be in that “Chakka” coach :-D

        • 30. chandni  |  July 3, 2012 at 14:56

          None of us are there 100% yet Shashi. I meant to say that as long as we have an open mind and willing to change a bit to accommodate the comfort and needs of people we love, we can lead happier grudge free lives. And so complimenting you on having a ear to listen and make adjustments :)

  • 31. renudimple  |  July 2, 2012 at 18:45

    i am soooo angry after reading this… i can understand the anger the girl felt…am ashamed.. ashamed of the men , ashamed of teh women.. ashamed of the whole breed of indians.. this is how we treat our people…
    am glad she gave a fitting repy to all those “napunsaks” in the train and to the other ladies as well…

  • 32. IndumathySukanya  |  July 2, 2012 at 19:11

    Such escapist hypocrites! Pointing a finger at the pretty girl in the scene is the easiest way for men to guard their egos.
    ‘Hey, it wasnt me, she somehow magically conjured up the chaos! She has no character!’
    Shame on us for being so vulnerable…
    Oh god…you know what…I’m so proud of the girl for standing there grounded to her opinion! I’m glad one of us could hold it together under pressure! In your face, you testicle-less onlookers!

  • 33. Pooh  |  July 2, 2012 at 19:19

    I must say I was shaking with pure rage by the time I finished reading this. And I am almost ashamed to say I would have gotten off at the next stop and tried to avoid facing further humiliation. I think all my experiences so far have conditioned me to avoid trouble rather than court it. Hats off to her for standing and fighting. And shame on every other person there who simply did not have the guts to come to her aid- both men and women! Definitely sharing this story on my blog.

    • 34. Jaswandi  |  July 24, 2012 at 22:04

      I totally agree with every word you have written. Hats off to you, Author!! Thank you for writing this.

  • 35. la Vida Loca  |  July 2, 2012 at 22:59

    oh she’s one brave chick! I don’t know what I’d have done in that situation. Blame the victim mentality all the way.

  • 36. Balaji  |  July 3, 2012 at 11:07

    I feel sorry that you were subject to something like this. I feel ashamed that there are men like these and our women are still treated like this. Be strong. Do not let this affect you further.

  • 37. murali  |  July 3, 2012 at 11:10

    Delhi’s pretty bad…but the hardest thing to argue with is crowd mentality..pls the next time ur in a situation..run, scoot, why..cos rapes r commonplace…and everybody s callous..

  • 38. Zephyr  |  July 3, 2012 at 11:23

    Wish I had been there. I would have told a thing or two to those guys, The lumpanisation of the country is so far gone that one can’t hope to change things just by daring the lumpen by travelling in a general compartment or going on slut walks, And for this reason too, it is important to have a women’s compartment. Only in a place like Delhi even that is of little use. Read my impressions on it when it had first started in the Metro http://cybernag.in/2010/11/no-rules-please-we-are-indians/

  • 39. Akshara Damle  |  July 3, 2012 at 11:38

    unfortunate…. !!!! :( :( :(
    I really don’t understood why people see women like this!!!!!

  • 40. SI2iJaN  |  July 3, 2012 at 12:29

    I must appreciate the sheer bravery shown on your part. and feel pity on the sick mentality of the people of this city.

  • 41. Jaya  |  July 3, 2012 at 12:48

    This is such a horrific encounter. I’m glad she wasn’t manhandled to boot! She is such a brave girl to stand up for her right and her dignity! Bravo and shame on the hecklers. Shows how much respect a woman gets in the capital of India.

  • 42. NB  |  July 3, 2012 at 12:58

    Hmmm – Trying to be objective about this.

    1) I don’t think you can expect much sympathy from those you are screaming at. Ever heard the “command respect not demand it” idiom.? So you were wrong to scream at them and didnt deserve the respect you sought.

    2) Fully agreed the 50 cowards were in the wrong. However, that is common man syndrome – if it doesn’t affect them they do not want to be involved. That is Indian society for you all around. Deep rooted problem is of course education and upbringing. This is not justifying their behaviour just explaining why it is what it is and it will continue to be.

    3) At some stage you have been in their shoes as well – whether you agree or not. You’ve seen injustice and done nothing about it – unless you’re one of the handful few who protested for Jessica lal or the bhopal victims or the the countless poor who struggle in kashmir for no fault of their own…theres an endless list of in justice in the country. If you didnt protest before, well then in this case its just happening to you so you shouldnt expect it either.

    (We’re all in the same boat – i am no saint) My objective point is – you’re upset cos its happened to you. But unless you are part of a movement that brings about deep rooted change – education, upbringing, social equality and all that – dont be surprised it happens to you.

    4) I am sorry you had to go through this – but get over it. And find a cause to be part of which will effect overall change. Otherwise, keep complaining and its all going to be on deaf ears.

    • 43. Angad  |  July 3, 2012 at 13:35

      I agree with NB here…..it not that we don’t agree that you were not treated properly and perhaps blamed for something you did not start in the 1st place…but just to add to NB’s post i think instead of calling 100, you would should have gotten down at the same station where the idiots who started fighting had gotten down and reported the incident to Local DMRC Authority who would have taken up the matter with CRPF Personnel present there and had it resolved much more easily & faster without anybody blaming you….anyways glad you got out with just some verbal altercations and did not get any uglier!!!!!

    • 44. LOL  |  July 3, 2012 at 14:28

      LOL at Jessica Lal and Bhopal Gas Tragedy comparison. LOL LOL.

    • 45. ~nm  |  July 3, 2012 at 15:50

      NB – Only a saint would not react in anger. I’m sure you are a guy. Ask your mother, sister daughter, cousin sister..whoever and ask them to place themselves in this girls place and ask them what they would have done. They would have smiled and tried to reason? :D

      Secondly, I do not agree with your second point. ” If it doesn’t affect them they do not want to be involved.” They DID get involved. Didn’t they? By taking sides of the men and pointing fingers at the girl? So this statement of yours doesn’t hold true.

      Thirdly, imagine your wife/daughter/sister/mother etc getting sexually harassed and ask them to get over it and move on. Once you have the guts to say that then lets talk again. Or for that matter imagine yourself being manhandled/raped for no fault of yours and hearing 50 other people shouting at your for being the cause, and then tell yourself get over it. But then I’m sure you cannot imagine it and that’s why you are saying “get over it” :)

    • 46. CB  |  July 3, 2012 at 20:28

      Ya, I also agree with NB. Everyone complains when it happens to them.. but everyone avoids every trouble unless its not related to them.

      On another note, its usually not clear in situations like these, if it is a situation of girlfriend/boyfriend thing or eve teasing. For a passenger sitting 15-20 feets away these people were talking initially and then they started a fight. He/she could not have figured out what they were talking about. May be these people were acquainted and were fighting over personal relations.. In any case the girl just tried to ignore them. She could have shouted for help. But she preferred to ignore them calling “assholes” in her head, expecting to get respect from others.

      I am sorry that you had to go through this – but get over it. And next time you see something going on in public.. don’t just pull up your earphones.

      • 47. Crochet  |  July 3, 2012 at 21:27

        I agree its never too clear whats going on 15-20 feet away. And I also agree that most folks do not wish to get involved. But lets not go around assuming that since it happened to me so I’m complaining and I avoid trouble if it’s others, cause you don’t know me and have no clue how I would behave in any given incident.

        I gather you didn’t like my usage of the term assholes. I also gather you have never been harassed, groped or leered at. I have. Plenty of time while commuting on public transport. In my head all these men who molest verbally, physically and visually are assholes. I wasn’t asking for respect. I was asking for action, I was hoping for help.

        But you are right, given the reaction of the crowd and your pithy comment, maybe next time I will have the presence of mind to word my plea in the Queen’s English, maybe hand write it on gilded parchment and seal it with a rose petal.


    • 48. Crochet  |  July 3, 2012 at 21:16

      @ NB
      Objectivity is a luxury best felt after the incident. Like hindsight. I Imagine if I had objectivity I wouldn’t have uttered a word and just stood there hoping the pervert would move away eventually. Cause objectively speaking who would like to draw attention to being harassed. Right.

      I wasn’t expecting sympathy. I was expecting outrage that a man casually decided to harass a woman, gets into a fight, beats another man and then runs away. Since everybody apparently stood around hoping to “command” respect in silence I felt I best demand it.

      I like your lukewarm attitude. If I didn’t go protest Jessica Lal’s case I should very well stay quiet forever on any issue. Since I’m neither in education, upbringing, social equality related sectors I should be calm and objective when harassed. I’m sorry but as I’m writing this I’m actually laughing. The last lines are even more ridiculous. Get Over It! Or Keep Complaining.

      Well guess what? It fell all the up to your ears and motivated you enough to type a post.

      My work, is done.

      • 49. NB  |  July 4, 2012 at 07:32

        Weird how you miss the point in your anger.

        1) This blog IS in hindsight – so it shouldve had more objectivity.

        2) You were expecting outrage and you didnt get it. Your expectation was justified. But the reason you didnt get it is a deep rooted problem in Indian society. The only way to correct it is through grass root education. You’re not involved in it – so dont expect someone else to be. And in turn dont expect the outrage because the current societal fabric sucks in India.

        3) The comparison isnt about jessica lal – its a general statement. If you dont support another stranger in his/her plight or fight for injustice, dont expect others to support you either.

        and yout 4th point is beyond my comprehension. But maybe i dont come from elite education and my sin of disagreeing with you means you must be the better mortal.

        I support that what happened to you was wrong. My work is to just show you objectivity about the situation. If you cant/dont want to see it then so be it.

        • 50. Tanya  |  July 4, 2012 at 13:03

          @NB: It might be a good idea to gain some actual perspective from what you read, than simply trying to tear down an argument which makes a definite, undeniable point, based on things that are not related to the point.

          The point here is that women are harassed, and when they are harassed, are seen as being the cause of the harassment in the first place. The point is that this is wrong. The point is that we SHOULD, and NEED TO stand up to this shit. The point is that that what the way the people on the train reacted was wrong. The point is that when women stand up for themselves in this city, they find themselves alone, and are vilified for ‘having the audacity’ to demand respect.

          On all these counts, this blog post was plenty objective.

          And seriously? She should have politely asked these people who are essentially blaming her for being harassed to stand up for her? In what world does this make any sense? Oh wait….right….this world, the one in which men get to demand respect when they don’t deserve it, but women must politely ask and hope that maybe someone will respect them.

          Also great point to make btw – lets all just not do anything about anything, and continue to take shit from the world. In fact, lets tell people who ARE trying to do something to shutupandsitthefuckdown because, lol, we’re all assholes, and don’t deserve any better. Well done.

        • 51. Divyanka  |  July 4, 2012 at 13:14

          Hey NB,

          Here are a couple things you don’t get right in your objective view of the situation:

          1.” Deep rooted problem is of course education and upbringing. This is not justifying their behaviour just explaining why it is what it is and it will continue to be.” – I agree with your first point in that we are not taught from get go to be sensitive and action oriented citizens and standing up to a problem is not on the chapter list of our moral education classes. However, when you come to the next part and add the “it will continue to be” you make yourself a part of the problem by justifying the wrong actions by stating a lack of possibility of future change and advocating a “nothing is going to make this better” attitude “so stop trying”.

          2. Actually grassroots education is not the only way to change such attitudes and behaviors. Although it is very important, almost the most important way of changing things around here, you have to understand that there are other methods. One of them is this blog post itself. Do you know that the internet is actually the new vehicle of social change given its ability to connect with people all across the country. I agree it doesn’t seem like a potent enough force because it isn’t loud like a demonstration or obvious like a candle light vigil. But, think about it this way – the more people read this article, and the ensuing comments, the more they are likely to be able to understand what happens in some parts of the country, how different people react to such situations and how different people perceive such situations. Where people would not have even heard of the incident, or news that doesn’t make the newspapers, people are able to see what is happening in their capital or anywhere else actually. So, to sum my point, grass root educational efforts are important, but don’t brush off this method of creating awareness either just because it would strengthen your argument/not appear as loud as other obvious methods of change. Remember, change begins with awareness and posts like these and informative blogs like this are creating that awareness.

          3. “I am sorry you had to go through this – but get over it. And find a cause to be part of which will effect overall change. Otherwise, keep complaining and its all going to be on deaf ears.” – Seriously, NB, it is very easy to say get over it when you’re not at the receiving end of an injustice that you have to get over. I am not going to question your intentions or thoughts that went into this statement or whether or not you are actually sorry this person had to deal with this stuff. Your next statement, calling for the person to join a cause, condescending at the least, is missing the light – the person is part of a cause, a cause asking for action of the silent spectators. Agreed the person was at the receiving end of the injustices and that might have spurred the person to action, but that does not undermine the fact that it was definitely a part of a fight. There are way too many girls, and in some cases men, who sit silently and “get over” people behaving callously towards them. Standing up is being a part of a cause. Had it not been, no change would have happened.

          4. “Otherwise, keep complaining and its all going to be on deaf ears.” – Clearly, did not fall on deaf ears, now did it? You did read and respond, “objectively”, to this post :)

          • 52. jishnub  |  September 14, 2012 at 21:36

            Hear Hear

  • 53. fidarasheed  |  July 3, 2012 at 13:20

    I can relate to EVERY single emotion you felt. I had not just one, but two similar encounters last week. Our country will never change. And that’s the reality.

  • 54. M  |  July 3, 2012 at 13:54

    my blood boiled as i read this, having been in numerous situations that have mirrored this. it’s feeling of utter helplessness, knowing nothing can be done to change the situation. my sympathies.

  • 55. Shashanka Nanda (@sidelower)  |  July 3, 2012 at 14:39

    Jeez.. that was a terrible thing to have happened. And I am not surprised at the way the rest of the janta reacted. I can also understand NM’s state of mind during the melee, but if at all anyone is faced with this situation – the best thing to do is the call the driver of the train via the emergency call button placed near the door in every coach. He will inform the CISF staff in the station up ahead and they will take care of the rest.

    if that does not work, get off the coach at the next station and inform the CISF staff on duty. It might mean missing a train or two – but would also mean that you reach safely and the guilty will be prosecuted. CISF staff are much better trained to handle such situations than say Delhi Police.

    • 56. chandni  |  July 3, 2012 at 14:56

      Its an important suggestion you made. Must hightlight for readers. Thanks.

    • 57. ~nm  |  July 3, 2012 at 15:53

      Shashank: It was not me but my friend who went through this hell. My friend saw the emergency call button albeit much later.

      What you are saying makes perfect sense but there are situations like these when the mind cant think of these options. But yes good points to keep in mind for, god forbid, any future incidents.

    • 58. Crochet  |  July 3, 2012 at 23:25

      Suggestion duly noted. Hope the next incident I am able to follow through. Thanks!!

  • 59. Achintya  |  July 3, 2012 at 14:56

    Horrible. Carry a pepper spray with you and empty it at the fucking assholes. And then call the cops. Really sorry for what happened to you. Hope you feel better.

    • 60. Crochet  |  July 3, 2012 at 21:35

      My verbal reaction seemed to have upset many of the folks on the train and those who read this post on different blogs. I shudder to think the reaction I would receive if I had in fact used the tazer gun that I carry on me at all times.

  • 61. rohitmohan1  |  July 3, 2012 at 14:57

    Superb girl, way to go. Hanging on in the metro is the best thing to do and to prove to those dogs around you as to who really commands respect.
    We need more women to speak up like this so that the dogs that hound our women and overpower them by the sheer number are disgusted and disgraced.
    Also being a Delhiite I am sorry from all of us that you had to go through this, a lot of us are making honest attempt to make city safer for women along with some help from the establishment but such incidences have to go and perpetrators punished.

  • 62. Aman Nigam  |  July 3, 2012 at 14:58

    Its just sad that people still think like that. I am actually surprised no one really got up to help, fine I get it, people dont get into fights here, you dont have the balls, its ok. Understood. But when the whole coach is blaming the girl, no one had the brains to support her in that situation too? Shame.

  • 63. Mahek  |  July 3, 2012 at 15:01

    Am I missing something here? At what point after the second guy intervened that the lady’s safety was under threat? You have a bunch of people who didn’t intervene (Shocking, their purpose in life should have been to help her), one who did intervene got his face rearranged (No appreciation for him being the reason the first guy took his body out of her face?).

    Here’s the thing: Most people, in India or elsewhere, prefer to be silent onlookers. As someone mentioned earlier, all of us have done it. Does it justify the subsequent bards & taunts directed at the lady? Ofcourse not. I’m glad she stood her ground & didn’t get off before CP. She’s also right in taking a seat in the general compartment. Unfortunately, we don’t live in an ideal world. That is why we have a ladies compartment (Again, not suggesting she should have been there). That is also why those people reacted the way they did. It was just a really unfortunate incident & as much as I hope no one has to face it, it is bound to happen again.

    • 64. chandni  |  July 3, 2012 at 15:19

      Mahek, if you read the post carefully you will see that they weren’t just onlookers minding “their own business” but a bunch who ganged up against her and screamed at her to “get off”. And that only showcases the mentality of our aam junta.

      • 65. Mahek  |  July 3, 2012 at 15:53

        Yes Chandni, I did mention them & that it was wrong. However, we know that’s how things are. It’s futile to expect people to see things the way we see them – Even when we’re right. A lesser person would have caved in, but I admire the lady to stand up to each & every one of them and not get off the train until it reached her stop. Despite all this, you know all those people will continue to think she was the problem. It sucks, but it’s not about to change anytime soon.

    • 66. ~nm  |  July 3, 2012 at 15:59

      Mahek – If you read carefully the reason the fight started was because the first guy didn’t talk to the guy who was trying to help properly. So the fight between the two men was “Talk to me with respect”. It wasn’t about behaving with the girl :)

      Secondly, womens coaches are made as a facility not as a necessity. Would you breastfeed your infant in the full view of men around you in a general coach? I’m sure you would say ‘No’. This is just one example where a facility has been provided to women to travel in women coaches.

      • 67. Mahek  |  July 3, 2012 at 16:14

        I know why the fight started, I just don’t see how it means one ignores the fact that someone did step in to try & help.

        I don’t remember saying the lady shouldn’t have been there. It’s her wish if she wants to travel in the general compartment. The breast feeding argument is a bit much. It’s not like women abroad don’t breast feed, and it’s not like the men there don’t ogle at the sight of breasts. The reason we have a separate coach for women here is a lot of women are misbehaved with. Having a separate coach provides respite, and I’m not against it. However, it’s never going to get men to stop misbehaving.

        • 68. ~nm  |  July 3, 2012 at 16:26

          Lets not talk about women and what they can do abroad. We in India are nowhere near it.

          And talking about misbehaving, moving away from them will get rid of his “misbehaving” behaviour?

    • 69. Crochet  |  July 3, 2012 at 21:49

      I appreciate your thoughts put forward but I will clarify 2 of your points.

      The bunch of people who shockingly didn’t intervene and started shouting at me for starting the fight should have tried to stop the fight and helped the guy after he got beat up. They didn’t.

      Secondly, I’m not going to appreciate any man who says- speak to her however you want but speak to ME with respect and starts brawling over each others injured man-hoods. Sorry. That’s not helping. That’s brawling. And I’d like no part of it thank you very much.

      I agree this is not going to go away, most of the men will continue to misbehave whether we are in separate coaches or separate planets.

  • 70. Life etcetra  |  July 3, 2012 at 15:10

    Kudos Chandni for standing there and not getting off!

    I have been in similar situations and I have been blamed as well.

    The women keep facing this and yet they are the mute spectators of all this. No comments on men in such incidents, as they are mere ‘onlookers’ who just happened to be there and happened to watch the whole incident.

    I would not offer you my sympathies as the iron lady like you won’t like it yourself. However I do extend my support to whatever you did.

    PS: I have punched a man who was hovering over me in the local in Mumbai.

    • 71. Life etcetra  |  July 3, 2012 at 15:12

      (And yes, men would always comment that they had nothing to do with the whole incident…)

    • 72. chandni  |  July 3, 2012 at 15:12

      Oh you are misunderstanding. This didn’t happen to me but another girl. In fact, I am not even sure how “brave” I would be in a situation like this. I have only shared what she went through. Th post is in her own words.

      • 73. Naushi  |  July 3, 2012 at 15:17

        Oh…my bad… but in that case.. do pass on my words to her…
        I am glad that women such as your friend exist. We need such acts of bravado to remind both men and women what women are capable of.
        Thanks for sharing this on her behalf.

  • 74. Amit brahme  |  July 3, 2012 at 15:14

    Just reading this, makes me angry, wonder what development and modernism are we talking about our country when one feels so alone, desolate, helpless, ashamed of the acts. Not one of the 50 males were men, they were little boys who have no concept of respect, rights, equality, maturity. Its no wonder we have a nation where the individual comes before everyone else and the singular fixation with — if it does not affect me, its not my problem.
    And i am ilking not to convey my thoughts on how men treat women, cause the problem is humongous, disrespect, sex-object, slave, …. a thing,, thats how it is.

  • 75. Rohhit Pasi (@Rohhit)  |  July 3, 2012 at 15:18

    Though am not very surprised upon reading this entire write up as this is quite a regular stuff happening these days on Vaishali/Noida metro lines but am kind of amazed that how come not a single sensible guy made a stand there or if it actually was a real women coach the only difference with men no less than women. Delhi & NCR are no different in their treatment to women. Comprising of hypocrites, no one ever dares to raise a voice until & unless it happens with their own womenfolks.

    And if in any case, you find yourself in soup one more time – better get off at the very next station and immediately rush to the CISF jawans below main platform area / near entrance area and describe the incident. With surveillance methods & networked stations, track downs are being made and based on the sensitivity of cases actions are taken.

    Any accident which takes place on DMRC property (Delhi/NCR) is pursued at Metro Police Stations (Currently 11 in nos) not any regular Delhi Police stations and are dealt with better attention & resolutions.

    In the first place itself even if you are not sounding any alarm, ask the guy to back off then & there only with a loud voice. Trust me 90% cases are dealt with such audacity only & remaining 10% deserves kick in their butts.

    • 76. Crochet  |  July 3, 2012 at 21:53

      Duly noted. I hope if there is another incident I have the presence of mind to use the emergency button and make use of your suggestions. Thanks.

    • 77. rads  |  July 4, 2012 at 03:57

      Very practical. Thank you.

  • 78. Maddy  |  July 3, 2012 at 15:24

    The hypocrisy in this post is palpable. Paraphrasing

    “I am against segregation of women…. That’s the most fucked up solution ever…”

    “Why did you, MEN, did not stand up to defend me, a WOMAN?”

    You should not potray yourself as a helpless gender while complaining of gender abuse. I’m glad that you stood up for yourself. I hope more women would do so. But posting it like this makes it seem a heroic act, which it is not. EVERYONE SHOULD STAND UP FOR THEMSELVES.

    • 79. Crochet  |  July 3, 2012 at 16:15

      You probably need to read again or go look up what paraphrasing really means. No where in the post did I write, allow me to paraphrase YOU- “Why did you, MEN, did not stand up to defend me, a WOMAN?”

      I did stand up for myself. I was expecting the PUBLIC as a collective or an INDIVIDUAL, who did happen to be largely comprised of MEN, to step in and help me. I personally have never portrayed myself as helpless, but yes when 2 aggressive males are fighting I’m not mad enough to throw myself in the middle like an idiot and hope for a resolution. Perhaps while you are looking up paraphrasing, look up “brawling” as well. And oh yeah check out “harassment” and “blood”. Put all that together and maybe you will have a picture of what happened.

      And, what’s palpable is your contempt. Even after reading you couldn’t place yourself in the situation but yet found enough contempt to blame one gender. Brilliant.

    • 80. leon marhab  |  July 3, 2012 at 16:28

      maddy, i understand your anguish at her seemingly thoughtless usage of words. but me, as a man, feel it was more of a question to herself than to all the men around her. At least i pray that is how people would see it. woman is right to believe and expect that man should respect her and protect her. this is a simple girl, who was apparently disillusioned by her image of man, until this very incident. so in retrospect i assure you it was right of her to pose this question. and also that she would never ask it again. at least not from the typical indian man. and this is the very reason why the i respect her. because she did stand up.
      and maddy, if you never asked that very question yourself at least once, you are a simply a hater of men. You obviously stand strong by your beliefs. i request you to go about them a bit more gently. and believe that india has men like me too. ( pls forgive the poor punctuation)

  • 81. Rajveer Khanna  |  July 3, 2012 at 15:25

    I always had an opinion that “we” the people are responsible for crime in our country, especially Delhi NCR. And your post turned this opinion into a strong belief. In the first place, giving reservation to women defeats the whole purpose of equality.

    Second, I have come across situations where the moment you “resist” crime instead of “avoid”, the victim is treated like a culprit and the culprit is conveniently ignored. Kudos for not leaving the compartment and being there. Atleast, it will help you get over it faster since you chose not to run away from the situation. “We the people” have habit of commanding over weak and surrender to the mighty because the frustation has to come out somewhere.
    And this proves that “third worldness” is a mindset problem and not related to infrastructure, economy and modernization and I would not resist calling India a thirdworld country becuse we still follow the rules of the jungle that bow to the mighty and torment the weak.

    There are time where in a multinational bank, i request someone to be part of the queue and he would get into an argument. And people behind me in the queue would tell, ek aadmi se kya fark padta hain. You have all the time in the world but don’t waste our time. And this is the case everywhere, on the roads, in the train, even travelling in a private domestic airline. But the only solution to this problem is to fight if you can even if you loose. Because that can help you answer your concience, give you a good night sleep and retain your self respect. And as a girl, yes, you have to be extra cautious but not at the cost of your dignity and self respect.

    • 82. Crochet  |  July 3, 2012 at 23:39

      Thank you for highlighting a very interesting point- giving reservation to women defeats the whole purpose of equality. I wish to speak more but that’s another post then!

      • 83. leon marhab  |  July 4, 2012 at 12:14

        not just women. the whole deal – caste, tribe, equal my ass. as long as strong intellectual leaders are kept away by those thugs who rule this primitive tribe of a country, nothing is going to work out. but of course, before that happens, we should learn to respect, shouldn’t we? oh my, now THATs gonna be a problem dont you think?

  • 84. darkcomedy  |  July 3, 2012 at 15:26

    “Can you imagine stepping in between 2 aggressive physically violent men and trying to stop a fight? Me, a girl? When all these other men in the coach haven’t yet made ANY moves to stop the fight!?”

    Kinda appalled at this. What about being a girl prevents her from stopping a fight? Getting slapped in the process? And a man getting slapped will be somehow less affected by it? And then she says something similar about having to call the police. The two men fighting were off the train by then, and she still felt someone else was more obliged/ less scared to call the cops than her? The question to ask is why should SHE not be the one to call the police as much as anyone else?

    Plus this –> “I try to turn away and ignore them hoping they will stop and quit being assholes.”

    What does this tell you? She was just as okay with ignoring the problem and wishing it away, as soon as it was taken off her hands, as the crowd she is blaming. Unfortunately for her, it got uglier than what one would think. What if the two men would have punched each other once and got off the train? She would have stepped off the train and never retracted her statement about them being assholes. That’s how all of us should be? Those who try to help us are assholes. Those who don’t are bigger assholes. Those who ask us to help ourselves first are the biggest assholes. Got it!

    I’m sorry and I know the “victim” will see these comments and call it victim-blaming. I really don’t care. By all means, speak up, slap if you have to, but please don’t expect people to make it their problem as much as even you are not willing to! I can imagine there must have been fear and trauma, but taking umbrage at even being asked to call the cops? If 50 people are wrong in not wanting to call the police, then the person directly involved must. This “NO, i am the victim, you call na” reeks of diva-behaviour and propensity for theatrics more than courage. So no, no donuts for you, ma’am.

    • 85. leon marhab  |  July 3, 2012 at 16:16

      dude, i’m callin you that coz u seem like “one”. firstly, i recommend some serious introspection. are you blind, or did you conveniently forget the part where the dispute was transferred from first person to third person from her perspective? did the screen magically wipe itself, or did you forget the part where the second guy mocked her integrity and got his head up his ass (excuse the foul usage) and made the issue all about him? I can see that you got the whole dark comedy stuff going and stuff, but why should she call the fucking police when the fights are not centred around her? and what will she tell them? “hello, police? one guy was harassing me, but then another guy came to help, but then he also mocked me, and they started fighting, and they’re bleeding, and they ran off” if i were on the other end of the line, i’d be like, “uh, okay, what is it that you want then?” and i actually think its stupid she DID call the police. obviously she wouldnt have but the the society always has solutions. of course you are the fool here to think anyone with common sense would have “police” written on top of their list of timely interventions that could save lives. I’m sorry “DUDE”, but i just think you’re fake. If you really want to help our country, stop being irresponsible. irresponsible i feel, because i know there are many who will agree with you. more than those with me perhaps. I’d be pleased and amused to see what you could reply with.

      • 86. darkcomedy  |  July 3, 2012 at 16:37

        Here I am, to amuse you. (I don’t guarantee it will please you too, but you can read on and decide). Except I’m not a dude. LOL. Sorry to burst your bubble there.

        1. The second guy “made the issue” all about him, is it? Okay. I didn’t get how. But sure, you seem to know better.

        2. “Why should she call the fucking police when the fight is not centered around her?” You’ve provided much laughter to me on this. Because the answer to this is in reading it 5 times. BECAUSE EVERYONE IN THIS COUNTRY THINKS LIKE YOU, AND THOSE 50 PEOPLE THOUGHT LIKE YOU, NONE OF THEM WANTED TO CALL THE POLICE BECAUSE THE FIRST CONFLICT WAS NOT CENTERED AROUND THEMSELVES. Geddit? Geddit? No?

        3. Well, I don’t know if you’ve ever made a phone call to the cops, but your description of the phone call is bang on, “dude”. That is exactly what she was supposed to say. But then again, you made me ROFL with “if i were on the other end of the line, i’d be like, “uh, okay, what is it that you want then?” Trust me, the guy on the other end of the line is a teeny-weeny bit better trained than you. Let’s just leave it at that.

        4. Also, since you’re rooting for the alternative, what is anybody else calling the police supposed to say? “One lady was being harrassed. Two guys started fighting, and they’re bleeding, and they ran off.” And that would make it any less dopey to you? Okay. But it still doesn’t ensure that the cop at the other end of the line “if it were you” would not have said the same thing you think he would.

        Yes, I’m into dark comedy and I’m fake and all that you call me. And you still make the best speeches :D Gonna print this one out:

        “I’m sorry “DUDE”, but i just think you’re fake. If you really want to help our country, stop being irresponsible. irresponsible i feel, because i know there are many who will agree with you. more than those with me perhaps”. LOLOLOLOL!!!

        Think about this, man. If I was the second guy in this post, I would have written a very different blog post. Something along these lines,

        “On June 23rd afternoon, I was in the metro, merrily hopping away to office. Suddenly, I heard a commotion at the front of the compartment. Seemed like a guy was misbehaving with a girl. I asked the guy to leave the girl alone, after which he got abusive and I told him to mind his language. Before I could say much else, he punched me in the face. I tried to respond, but my nose was bleeding. He punched me again and now I was on the floor. Shockingly, the girl had turned away and everyone else was also just looking on. I tried best to defend myself but the guy ran out at the next station. I called a couple of my friends and followed him. I chased him outside the station, where he beat me to the pulp of my bones and I’m now writing this from the hospital. But I’m a good samaritan. Wait, that girl has written a blog post calling me an asshole. Ohnoes! The End.”

        • 87. leon marhab  |  July 3, 2012 at 17:37

          i respect that you are a woman. and i respect that you have the right sense of humor. you fail yet again to understand that you are blindsided to the issue here. you should understand that my opinion was based on what this woman has written. she has written that the second man was not exactly helping her out. she has written that the men were having a purely macho fight!!!! fine, it went downhill for your boyfriend there, but that was completely his issue since he made it a man to man thing. I honestly doubt that she would have kept quite if he had stuck to intervening for the lady and not made it a question of his manhood. dont you see the bigger picture? or is your womanhood too spoiled to understand that you need to empathize with and not mock this person? dont you see that she would appreciate any “help” any of those men could offer? that she would have thanked him sincerely if he had stuck to his initial plan of intervening a harassment situation? or is it sarcasm? i suppose that would explain the dark comedy part.
          i stick to what i said about the serious retrospection. set aside the ego, and build an argument over a sound philosophy. i shall be more than willing to agree to disagree if you have your points. instead of copy pasting parts of my dialogue and twisting their meanings, just try to picture reality. two men fighting is nobodys business. i stick with my claim. but if a lady is in any danger, it is only courtsey to help out. look at it this way- two men fighting means an equal footing. a man harassing a weaker being (yes a woman is a weaker being physically, in case you wanna copy paste that too ) calls for someone to help out.
          so if i understand correctly, you would still want her to call the police right? and you tell me the personnel at the other end are trained to handle situations. thanks for that piece of info its on my white board now, for “today’s trivia”. and they are trained for what exactly? as you may have understood, i wouldnt know. but my assumption would be, they were trained to handle crises. a bit of consoling, a bit of co-ercing, and the like. i simply couldnt understand why they would entertain a call so completely pointless and with no hidden agenda whatsoever. YOU MISSED MY POINT LADY, MY POINT WAS – CALLING THE POLICE WAS USELESS. I DOUBT THAT ONCE THE MEN WERE OUT SHE WOULD EVEN WANT THEM TO BE CALLED. whats the point? they ran off!!! haha this is the part that actually did amuse me. and confirmed my assertions. i’m not going to copy paste like you, but if u read my post again you would know better. but i’m still assuming that if i am to harass you, i can be assured that i have time till the cops arrive.
          i seriously doubt you understand why i made an effort in talking to you. not to mock you and not to begin an egotistic war. i would take anything from you as long as you don’t make up ideas without sound thought to your words. something else that amused me was how you suddenly went at ME for supporting this female. if you likened me to the rest of the men on the train even after saying all this, i have to admit defeat in this argument. and that my friend, you should know, is a classic example of dark humor! peace.

          • 88. darkcomedy  |  July 3, 2012 at 17:53

            Whoa whoa whoa… “fine, it went downhill for your boyfriend there, but that was completely his..” Freakin’ awesome.. because I speak on his part, he is my boyfriend.

            Also, “is your womanhood too spoiled to understand that you need to empathize with and not mock this person?” Yes, my womanhood is faaaar too spoiled. I’ll even call you a motherfucker. Because my womanhood does NOT mean I have to empathize or mock anyone, or behave in any scripted way.

            “If you likened me to the rest of the men on the train even after saying all this, i have to admit defeat in this argument” You are exactly like the men on the train. You expect women to behave a certain way on account of their womanhood.

            Now, listen kid. I will copy paste and paraphrase the fuck out of you because 1. you go on and on repetitively and if someone is going to read this exchange, I want to make it easy on their eyes as well as their soul to read it, and 2. it’s my comment and it’s between me and the author of this blog on whether she wants to carry this comment or not.

            Your passive aggressiveness is super cute too, but I’m kind of bored to deal with your ranting. You get angry, then sarcastic, then emotional and then preachy in the same comment.. and while it’s super fun to see your wide range of expressions, please refrain from telling me how to behave. You are not my boyfriend after all – the guy on the train is :D

          • 89. leon marhab  |  July 3, 2012 at 18:27

            so its personal now i see. you are obviously a woman of style. or not. obviously you have read all the laws in the book. i shall keep it simple this time. i respect women. bottom line. and yes i expect women to demand respect from men. and yes i’m like the men on the train if all you see about a man is his dick. aren’t you the hypocrite when you tell me that i expect women to stick to their womanhood? and that arent you the one saying i’m just like any other man? i’m sorry but plainly put- you have your head up your ass woman!
            and shame on me for bringing up your copy pasting as part of my excellent ploy to overthrow your dominance. but shame on you to stretch it so much. where did i stagger off the topic? where did i judge your self as a person? suddenly i’m the boring one. and at the same time i can be angry, sarcastic, emotional aaaand preachy in the same comment. i’d think i’m pretty amusing if anything. your psychoanalytical skills are, either waaaay advanced for me to grasp or i’m right in assuming you fail to accept the bigger picture. you copy and paste incessantly and yet i’m the one being repetitive. and of course the showdown comes to this- I WILL DO AS I PLEASE ITS BETWEEN ME AND THE AUTHOR – hahahaha now THATS what is cute! so by saying that, you somehow waive and veto my right to comment on your post, while you are completely authorized to comment on HER post. woman, please take that head out and understand that the same rules apply in our mutual situation. you know this is funny, because all of a sudden i get this picture that you are flattering yourself waaaay beyond what any person with a love of dark humor would. and yet again, i have arrived at a classic example.
            you are right in one respect though, i AM a kid. waaay younger to you. maybe thats why i now realize though its late that i should have accounted for generation gap. trust me lady, not me, nor my friends, would stand a lady being harassed in front of us. we have mothers and sisters ( whom we fuck occasionally as you have declared ) and girlfriends ( whom i guarantee you i fuck very often ) who respect me for my ideals. and you tell me you are tired of this ranting? please dont let me bother you with a reply. peace ( and i mean it )

          • 90. darkcomedy  |  July 3, 2012 at 18:47

            It was always personal, but it’s good you’re finally waking up to it. You didn’t believe that your little let’s-shake-hands innuendo in your comment you left on my blog while simultaneously taking your own blog private would take away that fact, did you?

            You are just like the men on the train because you assumed that a guy on whose behalf I speak has to be my boyfriend and nothing else. He is but a stranger to me. (Shocking, I know!) You then went on to comment on my spoiled womanhood. Let me get this clear: if I had been a man, you would have said the same thing about my spoiled manhood, right? You will say yes now, but you will not have. Psychoanalytics again, I know, but you are pretty predictable that way.

            And next up? The gem about you bringing up my copy pasting to “overthrow my dominance”. Clearly it didn’t work. I don’t know how new you are to the internet since you do say you’re quite young, but get used to it. When you write this one breathless rant that people cannot decode easily, they will paraphrase you. And if you think your bringing the copy pasting up will shame them, you are about to have a hard life here.

            “Where did I judge you as a person?” Read your comments again and you will spot quite a few instances.

            “Where did I stagger off the topic?” Ditto.

            I’m sure you’re respected for your ideals but I’m not sure of the credentials of the people who respect you. Even Narendra Modi is respected for his ideals. By retards.

            I’ve called you names and I’d be sorry for it only if you were not still living up to them. You are still telling me whether or not I have to be bothered with a reply.. why do you keep doing this thing? You really think you can stop me from typing? :D

            Last thing. You say I have my head up my ass. Well, I am congratulating myself for seeing the world a lot clearer from that awkward position still.

            Lots of love.

          • 91. leon marhab  |  July 3, 2012 at 20:09

            wow… you ARE good. lady i made my blog private coz its a stupid mess right now and will take months for it to be ready. even the outline is bullshit. and i figured if i am to put up loud comments ppl may actually be interested in seeing what this guy is about. so on hindsight i made it private. and an established blogger like yourself needn’t go through that crap. and i’m sure you are not even slightly interested in seeing my “rantings”. in the highly unlikely circumstance you may want to see my blog, say so and i shall make it visible to you ;) and i wouldnt have commented on your blog if i didnt see that there were ppl who actually liked your work. my comment came before you replied to my post with so much hatred. i definitely would have thunk better haha.
            now that sounded really boring didnt it. buts its fact. ( analyse for copy paste options )

            you know whats funny? you declare what i WOULD say had you been a man. i’m no doctor but honey i think you have dementia. my very first post was written BECAUSE i thought you were a man. is that my fault? i dont think so.

            and how desperate ARE you to gather points of argument? you use my own declarations as if you’re the one who thought of them.

            you would be able to decode my “rants” if you realized they weren’t all about you. and if i were as desperate as you, i would have made them as legible as possible.

            and you know what is incredibly ignorant of you? that YOU tell ME to worry about people paraphrasing me. i’ll let you sit on that one. and for all the love you have to offer, please let me worry about my life.

            haha you’re the one who said you’re tired. when i say ok dont reply if you are tired, you cry over it. you type all you want honey. and i can keep at it just as long as you can. because the first thing you can say to make me admit you’re right will be where i stop. now dont do that childish thing where you go on wikipedia and send me a reference. ( hey- cue card for copy paste).

            i never asked you to apologize. after all, you’re only avoiding people from paraphrasing you. now that wouldnt make any sense to you at all would it? because its one long boring rant.

            as for your head being up ur ass, well you’ve proven your clarity of vision.

            and one last thing, if you feel that my points are hard to decode, why dont you ask? now i’m guessing its my job to get you to understand right? well as long as my words make sense to me and you look the same amount of dumb, i dont see why i should. but if you can make it down to the sewers and ask a poor writer such as myself to explain my views, i assure you i wouldnt hesitate.

            as for your perseverance proving second reply, i was merely pursuing the idea of a more civilized debate on a mutual aspect. but no… you go ahead and make it completely like yourself to assume you intimidate me. my vocabulary cannot find a word to describe the bubble you are in. but i can try —————>ASS!!! as clear as you may see from inside it, i assure you it needs at least a bit of wiping down. This i say with rampant disregard, as you have exercised your right to tell ME what to do. only fair i return the favor.

            with Lots more of Love.

          • 92. darkcomedy  |  July 3, 2012 at 18:51

            Hahahaha! I just noticed that your second last comment ended with “peace” and the last one with “peace (i mean it)”. You are really hoping that your “peace” in the end will put an emphatic full stop to this retarded conversation I have spent half an evening of my colourful life on? Internetz, you amaze me.

            If you mean peace, use the words that convey peace.

            Leon, you make me believe that there is a market out there for Tuition Classes for Using the Internet.

          • 93. darkcomedy  |  July 3, 2012 at 20:18

            Leon you have won. I have conceded defeat. I am now sobbing. I can’t take your verbal assault any more. I really cannot. Your logic has paralyzed me. With great difficulty, I send you your award:

            (Sorry bro, couldn’t find a Wikipedia reference.)

            Yours sincerely,

        • 94. Abhinav  |  July 3, 2012 at 21:07

          Bang on darkcomedy.. Bang on!

        • 95. le nino  |  July 3, 2012 at 23:26

          Miss, I truly appreciate what you have to say.

      • 96. BoBo  |  July 3, 2012 at 22:24

        You’ve got a lot of patience to deal with an intellectual amoeba like darkcomedy.

        Their entire premise is “Victim blaming is a-ok and so full of lulzy!111 LOL I iz so clever!”

        It must take way too much brains to figure out the fact that both the guys were assholes who couldn’t care less for the woman, and instead were jostling about their manhoods.
        Good samaritan, my ass.

        • 97. darkcomedy  |  July 3, 2012 at 22:47

          Yes, that’s exactly my premise. How did you know?

          • 98. BoBo  |  July 3, 2012 at 22:51

            Oh I don’t know, by reading what you write?
            You know, how normal folks usually do?

          • 99. darkcomedy  |  July 3, 2012 at 22:59

            Normal folk with the name BoBo and so obviously an anonymous troll with zero balls, if you had read anything I have written, you wouldn’t have come to the conclusion that I feel victim blaming is the new black. If you can show me one instance in all my comments that says otherwise, I wouldn’t tear you a new one like your friend Leon here (Hey Leon, I hope you liked your award). Promise.

          • 100. BoBo  |  July 3, 2012 at 23:07

            Yes, because having names like darkcomedy isn’t anonymous and oh-so-very-brave. Coming here, acting like a whiny tween and talking about balls is seriously tearing me a new one. How old are you again?

            Har, har!

            Blaming the victim is so funny, acting like a 12 year old nitwit is so funny (apologies to all the 12 year old), being an internet touch guy is so funny.


          • 101. darkcomedy  |  July 3, 2012 at 23:29

            Actually, having a name like darkcomedy is like having a username with two English words, and BoBo is a bit of an abbreviated bark. Also, anonymity has to do with your lack of a link.

            Now that Blogging 101 is taken care of, I should clarify I’m a little older than a tween (since I never use the word “lulzy”, not even to mock, not even in my darkest phases) and about the same age as your tough internet guy.

            Funny it shouldn’t occur to you to use snail mail to get back at all of us internet tough peeps. You know, using the internet kind of takes the bite out of getting back at all of us others also using the internet.

            PS: Since you really like coming across as not a 12-year-old, make sure you do a quick spell-check. Nothing to lose.

          • 102. BoBo  |  July 4, 2012 at 00:12

            //Actually, having a name like darkcomedy is like having a username with two English words, and BoBo is a bit of an abbreviated bark. Also, anonymity has to do with your lack of a link.

            Ahahahaha, yes–because a random blog totally blows your cover with details of your name, address and a total biodata. Who are you fucking kidding, you pathetic excuse for a human?

            ///, I should clarify I’m a little older than a tween//

            I guess you would have to clarify, what with your words actually resembling that of an immature 12 year old. Balls and ovaries, last I checked–belong in elementary schools. Not adults with brains.

            //Funny it shouldn’t occur to you to use snail mail to get back at all of us internet tough peeps. You know, using the internet kind of takes the bite out of getting back at all of us others also using the internet.

            Were you dropped as a baby on the head way too many times? Honestly. Why on earth would engage in this verbal diarrhea? How the fuck are you communicating with me right now, genius?
            It’s the interwebz. Maybe you should go to bed, you stopped making sense a while back. I’ll give you the benefit of doubt that it is your lack of sleep and not your general lack of intelligence making you write inane shit like this.

            //PS: Since you really like coming across as not a 12-year-old, make sure you do a quick spell-check. Nothing to lose.//

            Ah yes, the typical kindergarten “I know who I am but what are you” line. Nice and you were actually trying to convince people that you are an adult with some semblance of intelligence?
            Nice, thank you for doing my job for me.

          • 103. darkcomedy  |  July 4, 2012 at 00:25

            I’m happy to have made you feel like a real badass :) You’re not at all an Internet Tough Guy. Not at all.

          • 104. BoBo  |  July 4, 2012 at 00:40

            Yes, thank you for making me feel a slightly better person. I am glad I am not an empathy-devoid, victim blaming sociopath. Glad to be a human.

          • 105. BoBo  |  July 4, 2012 at 09:02

            //Your little clique is cute. And you’re imagining I have supporters//

            Unlike your stupid self, no one says that your supporters are somehow connected to you or that you are in a clique. I don’t even know who Leon is for fuck’s sake, other than what he/she has written on here.

            //Convincing others with your personal point of view by bringing into question their womanhood, their stance on feminism, their mental state, their tiredness (that was hilarious, btw!) and every thing other than the issue itself is not egoistic, but trying to make conversation above your jingoism is egoistic?//

            Nobody brought your “womanhood” till you made it an issue, by somehow countering the notion of patriarchal manhood. Your stance on feminism and your sociopathic justifications are very much in game considering it forms the crux of this issue. Sorry that you aren’t smart enough to process that.
            And please, go learn what jingoism is. You sound even more stupid that you did earlier.

            ///At least being a woman you should understand… ” kind of patriarchal shit. What about yours?//

            That’s really rich coming from an asshole such as yourself who trivialized someone’s sexual molestation and public humiliation. You know what’s patriarchal? Victim blaming. Lack of empathy. Trivialization.

            //. I challenge him to make head or tail of even one of your comments.//

            I did, that’s why I supported him. But thanks for being more stupid as usual.

            // I’ve been through worse and was relating my viewpoint on a public forum when you jumped in with the “are you blind” gem. //

            And yet it was only after you got a nice verbal lashing, did you even have the fucking decency to apologize to Crochet.

            //Lastly, you should pity me. Not for having supporters. But for having spent an evening conversing with you, despite my policy of not engaging people with negative IQ online.

            Oh, I pity you aplenty. Pity you for your pitiful existence as a member of human species. Negative IQ, how fucking ridiculously asinine and juvenile are you going to get?

        • 106. leon marhab  |  July 4, 2012 at 02:05

          thanks i appreciate the solidarity. though i really wished her and her supporters would agree with us even after so much arguing. obviously for them it is more of an egotistic cause than ethics. what can i say, one day they will face reality, and it may not be as harmless as a computer screen.

          • 107. BoBo  |  July 4, 2012 at 05:02


          • 108. darkcomedy  |  July 4, 2012 at 08:45

            Good morning, Leon. I was breathlessly waiting for your next comment.

            Your little clique is cute. And you’re imagining I have supporters :D I have not engaged a single person other than you two creative gentlemen or Crochet herself on this forum. Supporters of my viewpoint are not necessarily my supporters.

            Convincing others with your personal point of view by bringing into question their womanhood, their stance on feminism, their mental state, their tiredness (that was hilarious, btw!) and every thing other than the issue itself is not egoistic, but trying to make conversation above your jingoism is egoistic? And my personal code of ethics doesn’t ask for saying things like “At least being a woman you should understand… ” kind of patriarchal shit. What about yours?

            And don’t you worry about me facing reality. I face it everyday. As Indian women, none of us can truly escape it. I’ve been through worse and was relating my viewpoint on a public forum when you jumped in with the “are you blind” gem. So don’t be telling me that I am the one who likes to argue. Same about your troll friend here, who thought you needed patience to deal with me. I challenge him to make head or tail of even one of your comments. :)

            “mine was a moral question and a humanitarian plea. the verbal assault was purely yours.” –> Read your comments and see the shit you were spewing. Using words like “humanitarian” doesn’t make your rant more sensible.

            Lastly, you should pity me. Not for having supporters. But for having spent an evening conversing with you, despite my policy of not engaging people with negative IQ online.

          • 109. darkcomedy  |  July 4, 2012 at 09:09

            Verbal lashing .. LOLLZZZZZZZZ.

            And let me say this slowly. Read my lips. “This conversation is over.”

          • 110. leon marhab  |  July 4, 2012 at 11:42

            so you’ve gone through worse. you’re the epitome of the woman’s suffering in india. i’m sorry lady, i just realized what your issue is here. you’re just pissed that this one person came forward with her story which seemingly caused no physical injury on her as much as it did on the dude, while you have probably been raped a couple of times. but you sucked it up and moved on with your head held perhaps. i reaally don’t care. i never asked you to spend your evening with me. hell, i cannot imagine anyone would. i’m guessing from your exceptionally superior intellect, you would have by now realized that it was you who twisted fact and wrote bullshit in the first place. and you show the audacity to shut me up. you do realize that a person with a negative i.q might as well be stubborn to the point he can persevere just as much? and about your allies- well they’re not supporters but they seem to be kissing your ass with no valid points of their own ( obviously people with i.q on einsteinian levels ) and might give you confidence. i called you blind because you mocked someone based on your own wandering ideas. if you have a problem with your opposite sex, there are places you can also give business. so ultimately you are this extreme feminist who knows i have no respect for the woman’s psyche.

            you know, if you represent what the woman needs, and if you believe every woman in the village needs to be like you, oh puhleeeez!!! with that self-flattering thing you have going there. i would rather keep it this way.

            and what was that about patriotism? my patriotism died with the time i read the preamble for the first time. i’m amused wanting the women to have an equal standing with men so i can have a nice time taking my lady-friends to the bar or in your words- fuck them, without having to be afraid fifty men are waiting outside to marry us off because we just committed “adultery” has suddenly translated to patriotism to you. if that is patriotism i beg you to refer your dictionary one more time.

            thanks for openin my mind to that term. jingoism. i would have personally preferred ‘adaptive change’. so all my problems seed from an obsession with the western ways. well i agree i suppose. you know what i think? i think you’re spoiled and rich, and are used to only having it your way. or you are a fat ugly woman who could never get a man to kneel on your own. I’m sorry but the girl i know and want to help wants to date, go to nightclubs, travel on any compartment in the train she wants, wear a bikini ( hell ya!!! ) and make out in the park if she feels a bit romantic without having people like you blaming her if a mob arrives and burns us to death. and for finally showing me that YOU are the ultimate suck up, the ultimate adapter, the leach and the party-pooper.

            arent you the expert. i would love to bring up your cliched paraphrasing techniques at this point. ace ventura comes to mind, if only i could speak through my butt. only problem i see- you watch the wrong shows woman. so here you are proclaiming my childish longings and atrocious home-land development schemes. of course i forget you are the victim here in the first place. being an indian woman and “stuff”.

            i know you have this whole arrogance thing going for you, it would be hot too, but you dont know whom to pick. and do you think i care how many people you amass over to your side? how many women were there anyway? hmmm, i suggest you look to the side of kids such as myself. if nothing, tomorrow they’ll be the ones having to take you to the asylum in case you’re wrong. i guarantee you one thing, if you make the writer of our principal post agree to your ideology, i’ll hand respect over to you in a platter. i would read your lips. but i see a hint of a moustache and i feel nauseated. typical of sexist me.
            verbal lashing my ass. “LOL”??? seriously? and i’m the kid here.

          • 112. leon marhab  |  July 4, 2012 at 12:00

            as you wish.

            but i wouldnt eat it if i were you

          • 113. darkcomedy  |  July 4, 2012 at 12:07

          • 114. BoBo  |  July 4, 2012 at 12:07

            Darkcomedy, you did get plenty of verbal evisceration and I love it when you run away with your tail firmly between you butt. You keep trying to end the conversation with more inanity than ever before, but guess what? We, or at least, I, will come back to cut your bullshit out. Scums like you don’t deserve to be acknowledged, but vermin like you also need to be dealt with in their sheer misogyny and victim blaming. We’ve all stayed silent in the hopes that barking dogs will stop barking, but that doesn’t happen. And so we will respond and call out your shit wherever we see it.
            Oh and idiot, no such thing as negative IQ. I know, I know. You were too stupid to know any better.

          • 115. darkcomedy  |  July 4, 2012 at 12:10

            I’ve heard music heals. Here goes:

          • 116. leon marhab  |  July 4, 2012 at 13:26

            alesana- i should have guessed *facepalm*

    • 117. Vivek Sharma  |  July 3, 2012 at 21:07

      Was reading your conversation with Leon marhab, and then I got bored. But from whatever I have read, I totally agree with what you have to say here. I found this appalling that the girl not only blamed the audience (rightly), but the guy who tried to help her and got beaten up in the process .. what?? She totally confused me and made me think if I should try helping a woman being harassed ever again. The first punch he got ‘WAS’ for helping her.

      • 118. Anon  |  July 25, 2012 at 12:32

        Mr. Sharma, please read carefully. the first punch he got was for telling the lech, ” speak to her howsoever you want but you better talk to me with respect.” Correct me if I appear dim-witted here but that is definitely not called being punched for helping a woman. that is called being punched for displaying agro behaviour.

    • 119. Crochet  |  July 3, 2012 at 22:15

      I don’t get it. Why are you appalled? Its a valid question. How can you expect a girl to intervene and hope to stop a BRAWL between 2 aggressive, physically violent men. Read again. And again. Let me rephrase- 2 men punching and smashing fists into each other. Yeah go ahead. Jump in. Hope you come out with only a lil smack.

      Sheesh. Are you serious? I don’t think you have seen men fight, punching each others faces. No these were not stunt men. And no that was not fake blood!

      And if I wasn’t clear before in my post, allow me to be now. The 2nd guy wasn’t “helping” once he made the fight about himself. Two men fighting over injured pride = assholes.

      And no you cannot imagine. It didn’t happen to you. It happened in a matter of moments. You can sit in the comfort of your home and type gleefully away now, but back then when it was happening, there is a thing called shock and disbelief. It wasn’t umbrage. It was shock. Go look it up.

      – Victim, Diva, Donuts Hoarder.

      • 120. darkcomedy  |  July 3, 2012 at 22:45

        If two men coming to blows is something that stops you from jumping in, can the whole scene not scare others into not doing anything? The very “go ahead, jump in, hope you only get a little smack” is the attitude they were giving each other, for all you know. The moment the two men started fighting, it became a second conflict to which you were the same kind of spectator that others were to your argument with the guy and after that.

        As far as I gathered from reading this very post, I feel the second guy tried to help you. Honestly, I can even understand why he didn’t want to get verbally abused for jumping into another’s matter. It’s human nature to say “hey, I’m not the one fighting you”. You quickly labelled him an asshole for that. I’m sure it’s not hard to see that even if he was an easily-offended asshole, he didn’t pick up the fight for a cause other than your own. This is NOT blaming you, this is an acknowledgment of the small price the other guy paid.

        When I said you took umbrage, I referred to the “I am the victim, am I supposed to call the police?” bit alone. I don’t get why you think anybody else should have been more inclined to do that than you.

        Never did I say that people ganging up on you or you retaliating to their comments was wrong, I’m only saying that I find your reaction to the two guys fighting like it was not your problem beyond that point. But somehow, the whole incident should have been everyone’s problem.

        Believe it or not, I can understand the shock and disbelief. I am a woman living in India. We’ve all seen similar shit. Sometimes worse. But in this very situation, I can only type away gleefully right? I mean, YOU wrote the blog post, put it out publicly and others are supposed to what? First get harassed exactly in the same fashion and only then come back and comment? Or just agree that you had the worst time possible. Methinks the guy who got his nose broken had a worse time. And now gets to be called an asshole. I’m sure somewhere in an alternate universe he is signing off on blog comments with “Bleeding Nose, Injured Pride, Asshole”. It’s not that black and white. It never is.

        • 121. Crochet  |  July 4, 2012 at 00:29

          Alright. I appreciate the response. Here’s the thing, this is hindsight yada yada blah blah. So we both have the luxury of dissecting this. Lets!

          Yes, I did not want to jump between the two men. Once they started fighting, I seriously wanted to dissolve into nothing. I’m sorry, brave folks here seem to think I should have picked up the baton and jumped in the melee myself, but hello! I don’t normally encounter men brawling in my day to day life. Fists. Blood. Its not an everyday occurance for me. Or any of you I’d wager a bet.

          I hoped that post a few shoves they will stop and walk off. But it didn’t. In the interim, the crowd starts shouting at me to stop them. Yes, I wondered why me? Why should I? I had nothing to do with it. And you are right, I’m sure the passengers standing around didn’t wish to get involved as well or intervene two brawling men. Perhaps nobody would but then why expect solely me to? Most of these passengers were men, and yes I stood there thinking, if some of these men got together they can pull these two apart. They didn’t.

          Yes, the second guy did step in to tell the other guy to back off. And believe you me I was relieved that someone bothered to speak up. I should have put that in my post. Duly noted. But the minute he says- Hey! Speak to her however you want, speak to me with respect! and mind you, this was in Hindi mixed with other dialect, it did NOT sound like he was trying to really help me. It sounded like he was aggravating the situation.

          This is not a movie. There wasn’t a script given to me. No body yelled “cut”. Things just escalated ridiculously. I genuinely wanted them to stop and it is my experience when men’s ego is challenged, its best not to egg them on. So yes, I ignored them. And yes, men brawling over something as stupid as a verbal smackdown = assholes. I don’t care who has a problem with that. This is MY opinion.

          Ok picture this, men fighting, blood spurting, passengers shouting blah blah blah and I’m supposed to somehow stop them fighting, get off the train, call the police, stop being responsible… are you kidding me? Yeah hell yeah I was shocked that I was expected to call the cops as well. And even though 2nd guy was an… here it comes!… asshole… I was horrified for him. And you know what I did call the cops. God knows if anyone else did.

          I don’t care what 50 odd commentators come here and post about being Samaritans, they weren’t there. They do not know what they would have done. Lets all be honest about this and stop kidding ourselves.

          I wrote the post on a suggestion to deal with the trauma. I don’t regret it. It helps me channel my anger brilliantly I think.

          And yes, you are right, I expected folks to comment and give their 2 cents. Everyone is welcome to. But its MY account of the incident. There can be 100 other accounts. I cannot put each second down blow by blow and then have everyone READ it. No one has that much attention span. Folks have trouble following the post put up itself!

          The only reason its making its rounds is cause people either identify or don’t identify. It’s the masses prerogative. I just wanted to reach out and let folks know, hey! this happened.

          – Gray

          • 122. darkcomedy  |  July 4, 2012 at 00:42

            *Hugs*. Listen, I have never said that it wasn’t traumatic or difficult. Your opinion on your personal reaction differs from mine, and believe me, I say this after having travelled the metro over 2 years and imagining myself in that particular situation. But I have not intended to hurt you more. Mayve, I have done it anyway, but it was just discussion with the other commenter and mostly conjecture. I just don’t want to obsess over it any further. I’ve said all I have to, and I should end this here. Hope Radio Mirchi airs the story, and is able to identify the first guy.

            Sorry. And goodnight.

          • 123. leon marhab  |  July 4, 2012 at 12:38

            crochet, you can judge me any way you want. but i said the exact same things to the exact same person too.

        • 124. Anoop Pattat  |  July 12, 2012 at 00:39

          ha dark comedy.. you are the one of the few women in this blog who makes sense

      • 125. Ankur Mehta  |  July 3, 2012 at 22:53

        The guy who intervened in your favor against the molester did it because surprise! surprise! he probably didn’t like the fact that a girl was being sexually harassed in broad daylight by a pervert. The pervert surely didn’t like it and chose to get into a fight. The other guy gave it back to him and things turned nasty both ways. I can’t fathom for the love of all that is holy how this is a case of male ego? You think you can wash your hands off from the MOMENT they made it one-on-one guy brawl? Are you fucking serious? THEY GOT INTO A FIGHT BECAUSE THAT GUY TRIED TO STOP YOUR HARASSMENT (WHICH IS A VERY BRAVE THING HE DID BY DIVERTING THE PERVERT’S ATTENTION FROM YOU TO HIMSELF). Mind it. It could’ve been worse otherwise. And you think he wanted to nurse his ego? Sure he did. Real men stand up for what they believe in and if it demands blows and punches, they do it.

        With that mindset you’re no different from the stupid fucks who kept hurling gaalis at you. They chose to look the other way while a girl was harassed. And you looked the other way while the guy that stood up for you was getting beaten. Can’t say which is worse.

        No one expects you to get between them. But you could’ve raised an alarm? maybe simply scream? call an ambulance? get him to a hospital? probably explain what happened to his family over the phone? You would’ve earned respect, not looked any inferior.

        If this is how we treat a few good samaritans, we shouldn’t be surprised why no one stands up to injustice.

        • 126. Crochet  |  July 4, 2012 at 00:38

          I’m so tired. Really. Please. Just read. Don’t skip words… lines… and start frothing at the mouth.

          Here are some keywords to go over- shock, disbelief, fear, anger, respect, hindsight, shouting mob, harassed, knees shaking… it can’t be that difficult to follow. You can bang the keys but just read, eh?

          • 127. Ankur Mehta  |  July 4, 2012 at 01:30

            Look, lady, I have no personal beef against you. That would be a waste of time.

            What I do however condemn with utter contempt is your snarky dismissal of a guy that tried to help you, with the term “asshole”. Yeah yeah he had a poor choice of words. But is life really that very simple? Does it take away from the fact that he was the ONLY guy that spoke up? Get me straight here. I find it a wee bit curious that you expected people to help you, yet you chastise the only guy that helped you.
            My comments aren’t only about you. I’m simply trying to say that by seeing this mindset among women, many men who would otherwise help would be discouraged. Why help someone probably with risk to life, only to be called an asshole afterwards? That’s all I really wanna say. Thanks a lot.

          • 128. Crochet  |  July 4, 2012 at 03:20

            Since the reply link seems to be deactivated under your post I’m replying to my own-

            90. Ankur Mehta / July 4 2012 1:30
            You have a beef. Its OK. I can accept. The second guy did speak up on my behalf but he didn’t start fighting on mine. He was fighting for entirely different reason. He’s not helping if he doesn’t care how the perpetrator treated me as long as he himself was treated with respect. Its important to note the difference. It may not be to you or many like you. I can accept that too. You can condemn, you have that right but you have never been harassed, groped, leered to the extent that even innocent brushes against you start to look deviant. Once you reach that stage as most women who travel on public transport have, you can take umbrage at my usage of the word asshole.

            You managed to latch on to a single point that you found wrong. I appreciate that. Yet you cannot see any of mine.

            Trust me after this incident I do not expect any woman or man to help me. I’m equipped now. Thank you.

      • 129. BoBo  |  July 3, 2012 at 23:02

        I love the two outraged self-righteous moralizers who blame the victim and equate her with the perpetrators (that’s right, the crowd is as much a perpetrator here as the molester).
        No, that other guy didn’t intervene on the victim’s behalf. The fact that he said the molester can say/do whatever he wishes to the victim as long as he “respects” him pretty much exposes his hero-giri charade. No, he isn’t a good Samaritan and this is definitely quite starkly black and white.
        And no, the victim, who was obviously in shock– isn’t the one who should have had the foresight to call 100. It should have been the unaffected, passive crowd that was watching the spectacle. Not only did they do that, they actually heaped on to the victim.
        People who flippantly say shit like what darkcomedy and Ankur have, seriously either lack empathy or suffer from a conditioning that fucked up, patriarchal societies like India often provide. Or maybe, their brains are just way too warped to actually make sense of how traumatizing such situations are.

        • 130. darkcomedy  |  July 3, 2012 at 23:09

          Yes, everyone who disagrees with one person’s stance is clearly patriarchal and conditioned. Because the only way to prove you are not is to wholeheartedly agree with one person’s viewpoint. Excellent logic that by repetitive application will make everyone seem patriarchal and conditioned. Try it.

          I do think that the second guy was a good samaritan, whom nobody helped as he bled. Not even the person he stood up for. Because she had written him off as an asshole. If you look at this another way, it can even seem the Crochet here is also into hero-giri, by first standing up to a guy, then backing down when shit goes down and finally doing the unbelievably tough task of not getting off the train. It’s all opinion. Don’t be so sure of yours.

          • 131. BoBo  |  July 3, 2012 at 23:28

            // Excellent logic that by repetitive application will make everyone seem patriarchal and conditioned. Try it.//

            I don’t think you understand the term “logic” if it came crashing down the ceiling on you. This isn’t mere disagreement, genius. This is how messed up your entire worldview is. How you don’t even know something so obvious as someone reeling from the shock of the trauma of being molested by a guy, then let down by someone you actually hoped was a good Samaritan coming to your aid. Turns out the good Samaritan isn’t one at all, and is just another asshole.

            //I do think that the second guy was a good samaritan, whom nobody helped as he bled.//

            No, he wasn’t a good Samaritan. And for you to say Nidhi was engaging in hero-giri is the bottom pit of your assholishness and/or stupidity. Yeah, a victim defending *herself* is hero-giri, but a man who had no intention of helping a victim but to merely show off his manliness is totally not engaging in hero-giri. Totally makes sense!
            Weren’t you talking about logic and educating me on that? Physician, heal thyself. Or rather, preacher, practice thyself. Logic, meet darkcomedy. Darkcomedy, meet logic.

            //finally doing the unbelievably tough task of not getting off the train//

            Why in the bleeding hades should she get off the train? It is her right to be there, unmolested and unharmed. I suppose that’s too much for you to digest.

          • 132. darkcomedy  |  July 3, 2012 at 23:37

            Sweeping generalizations aside, I don’t think you realize that what I’m really saying is that she was not the only victim. “Reeling from the trauma” of what? It’s come to this. I need to ask this. The trauma of seeing two people bleed? Which everyone else was also seeing? And for fuck’s sake, I didn’t say she needed to get off the train. I’m saying that it wasn’t a particularly brave thing to do that. Don’t be a Leon, and please read comments you’re so keen on countering.

            What in all my comments has supported victim-blaming or patriarchy? I asked this question before, and somehow, you’ve missed it. Just because you call me patriarchal, I don’t become it and it doesn’t shame me.

          • 133. BoBo  |  July 3, 2012 at 23:51

            // I don’t think you realize that what I’m really saying is that she was not the only victim. //

            I realize exactly what you are saying. You are claiming that the “good Samaritan” was somehow a greater victim and somehow Nidhi should have come to his aid. And that she is somehow the same as the perpetrators. Uh, no. That’s not how it works. Maybe in lala land, but not in the real world.

            He escalated a fight he didn’t have to. If he really cared about her and was acting in good faith, he would have done what many other good Samaritans usually do with victims. Isolate them from the molester and try to diffuse the situation to protect the victim. Instead, his concern was his manly ego and the crowd (and you) expect the victim to overcome the trauma of being harassed and get involved physically. What the fuck is wrong with you people?

            Seriously? What trauma? Um, wow.

            How fucking demented are you? If another human being has to actually explain the trauma of being molested, then betrayed, then seeing your molester engage in extreme violence (that might as well have been against you) and then the crowd piles up on you, humiliating you further–you really need to lose your membership card in the human species.
            I am saying that with all seriousness, because I cannot imagine how fucked up and sociopathic one could be to trivialize this. Much less coming from a woman. Wow, just wow.

            //I didn’t say she needed to get off the train. I’m saying that it wasn’t a particularly brave thing to do that.//

            Yes, it was. It would have been easier when an entire mob is hounding you, humiliating you and asking you to leave. It takes guts to brave it out and tell them to shove their victim blaming.

            //What in all my comments has supported victim-blaming or patriarchy?//

            Ahahahahahaha! Lady, you are so far gone off the deep end. It is funny to me, but in actuality rather sad in context of Indian society. With women like you, is it any wonder that there are so many other Indian women who keep women down to gain power in patriarchy?

            And holy mother of obliviousness, I’ve pointed it out to you again and again, and again. Read and re-read till it gets to you. No, a victim standing up for herself isn’t “hero-giri”, it is brave for a woman despite a mob humiliating her to dig her heel in, it is not a “good samaritan” who prides his male ego over assisting a fellow human being, it isn’t a victim’s responsibility to intervene in a violent fight.

            Before telling others that they aren’t reading you write, write what you mean. If you honestly don’t mean any of these things, then don’t fucking write such horrid, atrocious things. Makes you look less of a human and more of a sociopath.

          • 134. darkcomedy  |  July 4, 2012 at 00:08

            Firstly, her name is not Nidhi :D So much for reading *everything*.

            Next, I am every bit the sociopath you claim I am, but I still don’t understand her trauma. Using words like “molestor” doesn’t make the thing more serious than it is. I suggest you stick with the facts.

            And now, the most important thing: Your “this coming from a woman” gives you away as patriarchal too. Even assuming you’re right, who says women have to be any less heartless or any more bovine than men? Isn’t that notion conditioned through patriarchy? Somehow, all women are supposed to have softer opinions?

            Calling people “demented” and “less of a human” doesn’t change the fact that you don’t have a single instance to go on crying hoarse about my supposed patriarchal behaviour. So you take the “I’ve told you over and over again” copout. Show me one example. You show be thankful someone is engaging your anonymous ass for this long, because people like you are the scum of the internet and will be blocked on most forums. You could use the right words, but you have chosen not to. So, unless you have something new to say or something with a little more substance, this is the end of this conversation. You may continue to troll endlessly.

          • 135. BoBo  |  July 4, 2012 at 00:31

            //Firstly, her name is not Nidhi So much for reading *everything*.//

            Yeah, a typo addressing OP is the same as not reading your verbal diarrhea. Right!

            //Next, I am every bit the sociopath you claim I am, but I still don’t understand her trauma.//

            Genius, if you are a sociopath–then of course you won’t understand her trauma. That is what makes one a sociopath. Again, logic–meet darkcomedy. Also, Dictionary. Meet darkcomedy.

            //Using words like “molestor” doesn’t make the thing more serious than it is. I suggest you stick with the facts.//

            You stupid sack of sociopathic shit, someone who engages in sexual molestation–which includes inappropriate touching, groping, leaning, etc– is a molester. Again, use a dictionary. Even a child in most decent schools is taught *and* knows what inappropriate touch is, how serious it is and why it considered molestation or even sexual assault in some jurisdictions.
            And molesting someone *is* serious. You may like being groped by men and not deem it molestation or molestation in general as serious, but most normal human beings do consider that to be quite heinous. AND very serious. Capisce?

            //Even assuming you’re right, who says women have to be any less heartless or any more bovine than men? Isn’t that notion conditioned through patriarchy?//

            What a pile of dumbshittery. The idea of using patriarchal tropes (like you have, blaming the victim, equating her with perpetrators, shifting the blame, trivializing the trauma, trivializing the seriousness of sexual harassment and molestation, etc) against other women *is* indicative of how even women themselves subsume themselves. Kinda like you have.

            // You show be thankful someone is engaging your anonymous ass for this long//

            Right, I should be thankful that a demented, victim blaming piece of trash is coming on Chandni’s blog and humiliating her friend’s friend. And while doing so, engages in the most asinine arguments possible. And thinks she is somehow not anonymous because she links it to her own shitty blog. Gotcha. Add deluded to the list of demented and sociopath.

            // You could use the right words, but you have chosen not to.//

            That’s really rich coming from a victim blaming, blame shifting, trivializing and dismissive callous jerk such as yourself.

            //You may continue to troll endlessly.//

            The only troll here is YOU and the people who parrot out victim blaming tropes like yours on this blog post. You come to a blog knowing most people won’t agree with you, you come here knowing you will cause further hurt to the blogger’s friend. You come here knowing you will stir shit up. Anybody with a brain can figure out who the troll here is.

          • 136. leon marhab  |  July 4, 2012 at 01:56

            i couldnt reply there so i thought i’d say it here.
            the sarcastic surrender. i understand you ARE tired. but i apologize for any nerves touched nevertheless. I was bored in my office and your comment really shook me up. and apologies again, but i suck at hindi ( supposing it IS ). and yet again one last thing, mine was a moral question and a humanitarian plea. the verbal assault was purely yours. and earlier i felt an equal footing, but considering all the views posted by your “supporters” i now pity you.
            yours sincerely,

        • 137. Ankur Mehta  |  July 3, 2012 at 23:13

          More fun!! ROFLMAO!!! Gotta hand it to you, BoBo Ji!

          May be its because people like me and DarkComedy actually choose to be rational rather than hyper emotional in our responses? May be we despise male chauvinism as much as the other extreme – radical feminism?

          But please keep making more such bright inferences about me. Dilli dur aust!

          • 138. BoBo  |  July 3, 2012 at 23:15

            ///May be we despise male chauvinism as much as the other extreme – radical feminism?//
            Right, remind me of the societies where men are oppressed as a class and get raped, killed, etc all the time by patriarchy.

            Oh those evil men-hating wymenz be oppressing all men.

        • 139. metalboy  |  July 5, 2012 at 05:57

          The important thing here in this discussion is that in any such social situation people are going to have differences of opinion. The important thing is to agree on some basic points which everyone here seems to do on the fact that the girl was right in not getting out of the train or the fact that the crowd was wrong in blaming her for the incident.
          There is no place for verbal abuse if someone doesn’t agree with your strongly held viewpoint.

      • 140. Ankur Mehta  |  July 3, 2012 at 23:06

        And BTW, even if that guy was so much of an asshole really, the one fact no one can ignore is that HE was the ONLY one to intervene. NO ONE else did. Give him that credit, no matter how big of an asshole he might be. Remember, very few people – for whichever fucking reason be it eg Ego – intervene in these cases. Do think over it.

        • 141. BoBo  |  July 3, 2012 at 23:09

          Actually, it can be ignored aplenty. No victim has to be grateful that someone did the right thing. Hell, in this case he didn’t even do the right thing, he changed his tune as soon as he was confronted with the molester.
          Holy shit, what kind of a society do we live in where doing the right thing is something heroic and not expected? What kind of a putrid lowest of the low bar are we setting for acting like human beings. No wonder we are so messed up.

          • 142. Ankur Mehta  |  July 3, 2012 at 23:49

            One doesn’t have to oppress and kill us men. People like you are the variety of the syndrome I talked about.
            Whereby a guy jumping in to stop a girl’s humiliation is also called a male chauvinist asshole.
            Irony had its Antim Sanskaar done today by Sri Sri BoBo Ji.

          • 143. leon marhab  |  July 4, 2012 at 11:55

            seriously BoBo, we can only take em horses to the pond. this certain breed is programmed to think the water is poisoned. they’d see other horses drinking right in front of them and still not want to drink it. because they know whats right and whats good for them. at the end of the day, we go home happy. end of story. i initially failed to realize it was radical feminism from darkcomedy there. but now i do, and its the same argument she gives, viz. the guy was a sweetheart. and i understand her disillusions. but what about this guy who supports her here? funny thing is she herself thinks he’s blabbing incessantly. is this some convenient loophole to proclaim that boys will be boys, women should suck it up? she has her reasons. but this guy, what a player!!! so i suggest you don’t waste your time.

          • 144. metalboy  |  July 5, 2012 at 05:36

            Mr Bobo i truly think you need some introspection. Are you just out of college ? Are you a teenager ?
            Just because the internet offers you anonymity doesn’t mean you can use whatever colorful language you wish.
            For me you are part of the same class of persons as the first guy in the train.

        • 145. BoBo  |  July 3, 2012 at 23:56

          //One doesn’t have to oppress and kill us men. People like you are the variety of the syndrome I talked about.//

          Ah yes, someone calling out your shit on the internet is the same as an entire class of human species being raped, killed and reduced to second class citizenship.

          Oh you poor oppressed Indian men, how terrible to be called out on your privileged fuckery. It is so oppressive, oh my gawd, Someone call the presses, someone call the ICJ, someone call the whambulance!111

          //Whereby a guy jumping in to stop a girl’s humiliation is also called a male chauvinist asshole.//

          LMAO, yeah–a guy that says “Say and do what you want to the victim, but don’t talk to me like that”–not a chauvinist at all. He must be Gloria Steinem-esque feminist.

          //Irony had its Antim Sanskaar done today by Sri Sri BoBo Ji.//

          Did you even realize what you just wrote? I mean, how stupid is stupid going to get here?

          • 146. Ankur Mehta  |  July 4, 2012 at 00:31

            Hahahaha!!! I must admit BhowBhow, you do know how to troll.
            The truth is that your and your ilk’s frauds have been exposed so mercilessly that now you’re simply going ad hominem in your frustration (ultra feminists generally suffer from that).
            No one is saying men are being persecuted wholesale. The problem is with your dirty bigoted mindset where every man is pure evil and the few good men who do act up are assigned ulterior motives and chastised for imaginary wrongs. Keep doing that. Won’t improve a damn thing in gender relations. Will only fuck up society far more.

          • 147. BoBo  |  July 4, 2012 at 05:04

            At least I only pakaa-ofy misogynist apologists like yourself. Better than jale par namak chidakna to molestation victims and spouting vile victim blaming.

        • 148. BoBo  |  July 4, 2012 at 00:55

          //I must admit BhowBhow, you do know how to troll.//

          Yeah, coming to a blog that has a diamtrically opposite view and where the victim has already responded and deconstructed your bs–is not really trolling. Replying to your bs and eviscerating is instead trolling. Up is down, down is up. What a topsy-turvy world you must be living in.

          //The problem is with your dirty bigoted mindset where every man is pure evil and the few good men who do act up are assigned ulterior motives and chastised for imaginary wrongs. //

          Ahahahaha, yes. As a male I myself must hate myself, amirite?
          The groping, victim blaming, etc are all imaginary wrongs imagined up by women, right?

          //Keep doing that. Won’t improve a damn thing in gender relations. Will only fuck up society far more.//

          Yep, yep. That’s why Scandinavian countries are so horrible. And India and Saudi Arabia are all such paradise for women. Those evil feminists!

          • 149. Ankur Mehta  |  July 4, 2012 at 02:13

            Dekh, raat bohot ho chuki hai. Ab kahi aur jaake logon ko paaka. Goodbye.

          • 150. leon marhab  |  July 4, 2012 at 11:56

            hahahaha… sorry i’m not teaming up or anything but respect!!!

      • 151. leon marhab  |  July 4, 2012 at 12:05

        i suggest you read BoBo’s comments. i hate to seemingly be wanting to team up. but this ones got it too high up its hard to take it out.

    • 152. Rapster  |  July 4, 2012 at 01:42

      There are trolls and then there are worse trolls and then there is you. You twisted the whole thing by focusing on 2 sentences, none of which are even pertinent to what the post is about. You should be a politician.

      • 153. darkcomedy  |  July 4, 2012 at 11:09

        Dearest Rapster,

        One does not simply walk into Mordor.

        • 154. Rapster  |  July 4, 2012 at 11:13

          Dearest darkcomedy,

          You don’t say? #2canplayatthisgame

          • 155. darkcomedy  |  July 4, 2012 at 11:48

            Using a hashtag off Twitter. You’re certainly #WINNING

            Also, I have played at this since yesterday. What makes you think you can still interest me? :)

            I do see how the link to your blog has mistakenly fallen off your username in your comments just now as you decided to go offensive. *Gasp*, are you, Leon and troll #sameguy? Oh that can’t be. Because you do have a blog and it is this: http://blog.anirudhramesh.pcriot.com/, creatively named Loony Goons. No I get it, Loony Tunes –> Loony Toons –> Loony Goons!

            Don’t worry, won’t be ridiculing you there. But your wanting to hide your identity should tell you something. Run off, now.

          • 156. Rapster  |  July 4, 2012 at 12:42

            Your absolute irrelevance to the topic at hand is the hallmark of an Indian politician. What has *my* blog got to do with this comment thread? Oh wait, why am I asking *you* pertinent questions? You’ll probably reply with some quip about drug addled losers and try to sell it to me as something I should take offense at. Where do they make your kind? I’m just curious. Is it the baseless “convent” education that makes you so cocky on account of your grammar and yet so phenomenally stupid (as in, your stupidity is a new kind of phenomenon) where the subject of the topic is concerned? Again, just curious.

            Also, please understand that I wasn’t *interesting* you in anything. I just wanted to point out how idiotic your comment was. Did I come across as hitting on you? I’m sorry man. I need a minimum level of comprehension in someone I want to impress. Again, no offense.

          • 157. darkcomedy  |  July 4, 2012 at 13:01


            Pertinence is subjective. Cockiness is an art. Minimum level of comprehension is under-rated.

            That said, taking your feedback and contesting in the next elections. I’m counting on your vote. I’m sure you won’t let me down.

            LOVED this post on your blog: http://blog.anirudhramesh.pcriot.com/?p=148 An insight like no other into you :)

          • 158. Rapster  |  July 4, 2012 at 13:12

            Well, at least you’re good at summarising your view points. I don’t vote. So no, you can’t count on it. That post? Oh puhleeeeease! Maturity is relative as well. You should see the older ones. They’re much worse with respect to grammar and in tones of sarcasm. I won’t ask you to cut me slack but I do ask you one thing – I dunno if you’re afflicted by ADD but TRY to remain on topic. I’m sure @MaidumJi is feeling so pissed off with the absolute irrelevance of the comment thread.

          • 159. darkcomedy  |  July 4, 2012 at 13:31

            Anirudh, It is rude to ask a person with ADD to concentrate. I’d rather cut you some slack.

            Will you cut me some, and not go lambasting what is my personal point of view that does not hurt anyone? When I focus on 2 sentences in a post, I know why I picked those. The pertinence argument does not hold, because those 2 sentences are IN the post. Did someone write to you informing you that those were the least two pertinent points there? You are welcome to your own opinions, but if you attack me personally, be ready to pathetically cry and beg me to remain on topic. Was it topical to refer to me as a politician? The answer is no. You lost your right to relevant discussion there.

            Lastly, since you innocuously ask why your blog is important in all of this, your first comment carried a link to it and then you methodically removed it. Because you think it lends you a louder voice. I brought the link back and you go “haha! my grammar is bad… i’m immature.. how clever is my self-deprecation.. i have neutralized the attack. yayy!” That’s the importance of having a blog. It differentiates you from a troll.

            If Chandni is pissed off, she will delete the comments :)

          • 160. Rapster  |  July 4, 2012 at 13:40

            You didn’t see the bigger picture. The one where the people accused the girl of starting the fight. That is what I was talking about. You are still not getting my point and I don’t think you ever will. I referred to you as a politician BECAUSE you were not topical. Oh heavens, the irony of the thing has me in tears of mirth as I type :D

            My comment NEVER carried a link to my blog. I *never* publicise my blog. EVER. People find it when I troll and they want to see my profile on WordPress. That’s all. So I have no idea how a link to my blog even came up on the comment. Also, I hardly think I can *edit* the comment on someone else’s blog. I can delete it altogether, I know but I don’t have the privilege of editing it.

          • 161. darkcomedy  |  July 4, 2012 at 13:51

            Does everyone have to see the bigger picture alone? I picked up on something else. Or do I have to ask you what I will comment about and what not? Does “Freedom of Expression” ring a bell? No? Tears of mirth it is for both of us, then.

            I got your link from your comment. You figure out how that happened, but it did. I suspect divine intervention. LOVE how you’re now making it out as “not publicizing your blog” and not “wanting to keep it under wraps”. Of course, all of us displaying URLs here are out for publicity and nothing else.

            PS: This will make for good reading before crying yourself to sleep – http://www.boston.com/bostonglobe/magazine/articles/2010/06/20/inside_the_mind_of_the_anonymous_online_poster/?page=full

          • 162. Rapster  |  July 4, 2012 at 14:03

            See, when you miss the entire point of a post and nitpick on 2 small aspects of it – which make complete sense on the whole – and then bitch about it, you’re just a common troll. Point of fact being that is what makes this whole thing such good time pass.

            And please stop capitalising “love” .. I can see the emphasis either way. I think you meant “wanting to keep it under wraps” .. I don’t opt to hide my URL. That is not akin to publicising it. Your approach of being boorish and illogical may work with the others but try digressing a little lesser. You’re getting more and more uninteresting with every comment.

            PS: I’m not an anonymous online poster. I have photos of myself on my blog and there is a long trail of my twitter, facebook and goodreads account connected to it. I am more adept at hiding my identity than you can imagine. One of the many perks of being a geek. So let’s not even go down that lane.

          • 163. darkcomedy  |  July 4, 2012 at 14:11

            I LOVE capitalizing LOVE. What’s the deal with telling people what to do and what not, yo?

            “Let’s not even go down that lane?” Let’s na. Please let’s. I want to see how else your identity-hiding tactics play out. I see one of your ways was to follow me on twitter, where you have been now blocked. But not before seeing your comment about how girls can’t stay on topic. You are a shining beacon of feminism. You are. I mean it.

          • 164. Rapster  |  July 4, 2012 at 14:18

            I was merely pointing out that it was unnecessary. You have a penchant for taking offense at things, I see.

            How else? Dude, are you blind? I was just telling you that I am not trying to hide my identity but SOMEHOW you misconstrued it as me being unsuccessful in doing so. That was a general comment on women from my own experience. I am not for or against either gender. I thought you were a troll. So I thought I’d make your life hell on Twitter as well. Looks like it didn’t work out very well. So sad, you know. Maybe I should “cry myself to sleep” on this account.

          • 165. darkcomedy  |  July 4, 2012 at 14:24

            Here’s what you wrote just 10 minutes back: “I am more adept at hiding my identity than you can imagine.” Didn’t know ADD was contagious.

            But yea, you’re right. The Twitter thing totally fizzled out. 10 seconds isn’t long enough to make my life hell :(

            Your general comment about girls was preceded by another general comment on how internet spats are the best way to kill time. Co-incidence, #FTW

            And now you have gone and deleted all your tweets :D Dude, check yourself before you wreck yourself.

          • 166. Rapster  |  July 4, 2012 at 14:33

            See, you justify my comment about not making sense. I said I am adept at it. Does not mean I have implemented it. Understand what you read before you start hitting keys on the keyboard.

            I know. But hey, like a good troll hater, I tried to make your life hell. I’m just as sad as you are that it didn’t work out :(

            About my tweet on killing time with internet spats – Yes, so? What’s your point here?

            Either you have a dilapidated computer or you are a compulsive liar. I DID not delete those tweets man. They’re still there. In the name of all the divine deities that reside in Valhalla, why are you even typing that out? :O

          • 167. darkcomedy  |  July 4, 2012 at 14:57

            I give up, Rapster/ Anirudh Ramesh/ batusaix911. I truly do. Can’t fight your incisive arguments. Like Leon, you have defeated me. Anyone reading this exchange will figure out how defeated I sound. I am the troll here. I see it clearly now. I hate myself. All thanks to you. Please spare me.

            PS: Checked out your FB profile. Nothing much, just pottering around online identities. Can we be fraaaands?

          • 168. Rapster  |  July 4, 2012 at 15:01

            Damn. You beat me to the accepting-defeat-so-I-appear-the-victim part. Curses! Ok, I’ll play the overlord-troll-who-graciously-lets-you-live role.

            Yeah sure. Wait, I’ll send you a friend request so you can block me and then talk about it here again. No wait. Seriously.

          • 169. darkcomedy  |  July 4, 2012 at 15:04

            Sarcasm + You = trainwreck.

            Waiting on your friend request. Planning something spectacular after I receive it :)

          • 170. Rapster  |  July 4, 2012 at 15:08

            Logic + You = Illogical.

            Er .. I don’t have the link to your profile soooo ..

          • 171. darkcomedy  |  July 4, 2012 at 15:14

            In the immortal words of someone, “whatevs”. Bye bye. This was my last comment. You are the lucky winner of nothing. See you around! :)

          • 172. Rapster  |  July 4, 2012 at 15:19

            Oh god. Is that the special surprise you were planning? :O .. That’s my surprised look. Enjoy it. Tah tah, amateur troll.

  • 173. Arpita Kala  |  July 3, 2012 at 15:26

    Firstly, R.E.S.P.E.C.T to your friend. i have recently started travelling on this route, though usually in the safety of the ‘ladies compartment’ and i felt really uneasy, reading about what happened to her. She has really inspired me to fight instead of running away or calling up my brother if ever something like this happens to me.
    Thank you.

  • 174. Satish Vijaykumar (@bombaylives)  |  July 3, 2012 at 15:33

    Wonder if 1st guy or 2nd guy are alive, any news about them.

  • 175. Dishari Banerjee  |  July 3, 2012 at 15:37

    A friend of mine once helped two women in an auto who were being molested by five men, he got stabbed, the women ran away in the melee and so did the five men. Multiple requests were made including by the papers and cops for the women to come forward so that they could identify the culprits. No one did. Abhinav died. He was the sole bread winner for his family.

    I am equally aghast at the statement you make about “his respect” when the 2nd guy stood up for you. Least you could’ve done is supported the guy who stood up for you. I’m not impressed with your histrionics or the drama behind all this. Fuck you? Seriously? that’s the best you could do?

    I do not condone what happened with you, but I don’t think you’re the change you want to see, so why expect others to change when you can’t?

    • 176. leon marhab  |  July 3, 2012 at 15:50

      sir, please dont make harried judgements. you need to be in a situation like this to realize how paralyzing an effect it can cause on a woman. i understand your anger at what happened to your friend. but you fail to understand that if it were this woman your friend was helping, it is not likely that she would have failed to help out. And isnt that what she swears by also? that no one helped her? and why should she support the second man when he himself mocked her integrity? you, sir, are no different.

    • 177. Ankur Mehta  |  July 3, 2012 at 18:11

      You are ABSOLUTELY right, Sir. A police officer in Calcutta also died same way and the woman in question did NOT come forward.

      The truth is that, while what happened to this girl is abominable, she doesn’t do anything to improve the sad situation either :( Why expect us to intervene if you can’t even take our side (or our family’s) if things go badly wrong when we do intervene?

      • 178. Kshitij  |  July 3, 2012 at 19:16

        I agree with you sir , The person stood up for her and told the person to stop his indecent acts but still the girl is like It’s not about me it’s about the male ego>?>?! WTF Dude If it was the male ego believe me that guy would’ve never stepped up to condone that person . Be thankful that he stood up for u and more thankful god forbid nothing happened to him. The 50+ people were fucked up retards , I agree on the way you spoke to them but the person who stood up for you should’ve gotten your support. There are some nice people in this city and not all are Assholes.

        • 179. ~nm  |  July 3, 2012 at 22:34

          Kshitij and all the others. You guys are NOT reading properly. Please read again and again and again. The guys started fighting because “Speak to me with respect, you can talk anyway with the girl”. So here the helping the girl part had already gone out of the picture. The guys who had tried to help was okay with the first guy talking to the girl in any manner. Do the ‘helping’ natures changes like this in a span of few seconds? Is that genuine helping attitude?

          You all surprise me :) But then why I wonder. I should have expected this :)

          • 180. Ankur Mehta  |  July 4, 2012 at 00:57

            The dude felt insulted when the molester talked back to him. Hence he reacted spontaenously. We all say many things in such tense situations. Normally, just normally, we don’t usually sit down and prepare a speech in Shuddh Hindi. We say things spontaneously.
            The guy also went through the same thing. That however does NOT change the fact that he, AT LEAST, had the courage and heart to intervene first.

            NOTHING changes the fact that he got his nose broken. Why exactly? Because of getting into a fight over a girl’s harassment.
            He very easily could’ve looked the other way. He did NOT. And at least that miniscule initiative is praiseworthy.
            Dear NM, with that mindset, please don’t EVER expect a guy to stand up for you if God forbid you also face something similar. Chances are, his dead body will probably be spray painted with ASSHOLE by people who think like you. So why should he intervene? Any answers?

          • 181. leon marhab  |  July 4, 2012 at 01:58

            nm, these people are not worth it. i just said the exact same thing right above you all and these people just chose to ignore it instead of trying to verify those facts.

    • 182. Crochet  |  July 3, 2012 at 22:35

      First, I’m sorry about your friend.

      Second, this is not about your friend.

      Third, this is my account and yes of course it is my version. I’m sure everyone who witnessed this will have their versions. From my perspective when a man who was initially intervening on my behalf gets a verbal smackdown and proceeds to declare that hes not concerned about anyone’s respect but his, why is everyone expecting me to hug him? I sincerely don’t get it.

      Fourth, the fuck you was to the collective junta standing and commenting and not really doing anything.

      Fifth, I am not overly concerned about impressing anyone.

      Sixth, what? I’m not a change I want to see? Right on!

  • 183. leon marhab  |  July 3, 2012 at 15:43

    you’re real lucky to have such forward thinking friends who stand up for themselves.
    i always felt wrong to stereotype the indian man. but when i saw there were college kids and others there i was ashamed to be an indian myself.
    Apart from the rarity of modernized ethics-abiding minority, the indian man is a symbol of pervertedness, stupidity and overall weirdness in front of the international community today because of his complete disregard for accepting the concept of equality and ethics in the real world.
    You know what the paradox is?
    these dudes are so perverted, but they wont let the women give themselves. its ironic and almost a classic tragedy.
    what they fail to realize is they can have all the sex they want if they let women to walk equally. I know what the ladies think about this idea of mine. Many say i’m just like the others. I beg all these women to pause a moment and reflect upon the root cause for most, if not all of the traditional beliefs that exist in the indian mind. Why do women think indian men call them sluts just for flirting with someone? What about when they wear sexy clothes? Or make-out in public? Or even just talk to men? I could be more explicit but i’m afraid to be upset at the idea that the Indian mind would mock me. And as a guy who has a feminist girlfriend, i promise you i am not sexist. But please do tell your friend the revolution has begun. And she has played her own role in it.

  • 184. Poonam Singh  |  July 3, 2012 at 15:43

    Hey ! Kudos to u, brave lady ! We need more like you! many, many more!

  • 185. Kush  |  July 3, 2012 at 15:45

    I know this is not about Delhi Vs Mumbai, but Mam this would never ever happen in Mumbai.. Never. But at this point i can only have sympathies..

    • 186. Vidya Tiwari  |  July 3, 2012 at 17:44

      I agree with you ! Don’t think this would have happened in Mumbai or Pune ! No ! Never!

      • 187. Vivek Sharma  |  July 3, 2012 at 21:11

        Please jog your memory to Keenan and Reuben case.. Thanks.

        • 188. Ananya  |  July 4, 2012 at 17:43

          Thank you! Mumbai is not some heavenly place where crime does not occur…

          @Kush, Vidya – are you trying to say that women have never been raped in Mumbai?
          A mentally challenged girl was raped in a train compartment in full view of fellow passengers…. A journalist was in the same coach and even wrote about his shame at having been there and not doing anything to stop it. So lets be a little more informed before making stupid comments like that

  • 189. Aathira  |  July 3, 2012 at 15:49

    I just can not seem to imagine what I would have done if something like this happens to me. Delhi has made such a fabulous metro system, but the people just do not know how to use it with respect. And, respect every person who is using it. I just do not know what is to be done… stand and fight… against a mob? Thats very risky and scary with only me standing to lose.. Get off the train, thats just unfair. What do you do? Helpless… you do not feel safe in doing anything… even a small thing like this.

  • 190. Arjun Maheshwari  |  July 3, 2012 at 15:54

    I came to this post from twitter as I see from comments this has become quite popular.

    I will like to justify why I think it is girl’s fault and you are blaming others ( man ) without any reasons.

    First of all, it may not be because of you that govt has made ladies coach but why encroach over space when you have enough for yourself. I am not saying that scheduled caste student shouldn’t study and make on merit, as he has a quote; but being a women you already have designated coach where you are “safe” and why to take other space ?

    Somebody came to your rescue and you will so mean that you didn’t even wish to intervene or call anybody. You are saying that he did it for manhood !! If you see practically someone who has come to rescue dont want to show that he is after this girl and trying to mellow down situation in different way. It is sad that in place of supporting the 2nd guy who really came to rescue you are trying to find problem with his “apparent reasoning”.

    You may have not started fight, but you should have stood for yourself when required. In place of waiting for others to come to rescue you should have called police.

    I think the girl should have handled it better than crying that she is unsafe.

    • 191. ~nm  |  July 3, 2012 at 16:51

      I think you should be a member of government and make separate roads for women, separate shops for women for shopping where there are only females. Why not have a separate city, town, state, country, continent for women?

      Why trust your fathers, brothers, husbands, sons? The ones who misbehaved with her were somebody’s father, brother, husband etc,:D

      What you are saying is that the men shouldn’t learn to behave but the women should learn to accept the defined spaces for them. Just like an animal in a zoo who has his cage as the defined area for him. Shabaash Mr. Arjun Maheshwari! Shabaash!

    • 192. Shalu Bhuchar  |  July 3, 2012 at 20:36

      Really? One coach out of 6 for women and you think that’s space enough? How typically “manly” And if you read the post well, the lady says she didn’t cry…so where does the question of “handle it better rather than crying” come up?

    • 193. Crochet  |  July 3, 2012 at 22:43

      @ ( man )

      I’m safe in women’s coach so I shouldn’t travel in general coaches. Look. Let’s not argue anymore. Just give us a separate planet. No seriously. I don’t think anything I have to say will really make a dent in how you think, owing especially to difficulty in reading coupled with short attention span.

    • 194. Aaj Ka Mard  |  July 4, 2012 at 13:53

      Brilliant words of wisdom, pls note- “why encroach over space when you have enough for yourself.” So travelling in General Coach is ENCROACHING space??? Are you fucking retarded?

      The general coach is restriction free. WHY? Cause women do not leer and grope and violate us day in and day out. Women don’t rape men with their eyes, hands and thoughts. The separate coach for women is a sham. I have seen countless times myself how men hang just on the periphery of the women’s coach ogling to their hearts content when there’s plenty of space to stand/sit comfortably elsewhere. It shames and angers me to watch these parasites create situations that warrant special coaches for women and then whine like sick dogs about it.

      I can’t believe the sheer mindfuckery of my gender!

  • 195. Sneha  |  July 3, 2012 at 15:56

    What I like most about this post is that it reminds us the importance of standing up for ourselves…AND for others.Imagine how different this post could have been if it spoke about the support she got from fellow passengers.
    THAT is what we Indians lack the most.

  • 196. ashok  |  July 3, 2012 at 16:00

    brave girl indeed! You proved to be the only “man” amongst 50+ cowards. Do travel in general compartment and do the same yet again should the similar situation arises. Next time you will be confident enough to take all by yourself all those frustrated guys calling themselves civilised humans……keep it up, hope other girls follow you in your footsteps.

    • 197. Asad  |  July 3, 2012 at 16:59

      India is the worst country and all Indians are worst citizens

      • 198. le nino  |  July 3, 2012 at 23:19

        And muslims are terrorist pigs!

  • 199. Shweta G  |  July 3, 2012 at 16:04

    I loved ur clap ending… superb !… Very few woman would have even stood there. And u even tried to call and help the guy. Hooligans and egoistic maniacs is what men are. Cant believe this…. Dumps and Dirt is cleaner than them !
    Women are not safe outside and for many out there not even at home,.. So where do women go ??!!
    Don’t complain tomorrow if they take over your world and turn the tables on you

  • 200. anushka  |  July 3, 2012 at 16:12

    This is really appalling. People stand around and look at the tamasha that is happening and do not intervene.The mentality is downright scary.

  • 201. sabadabadooo  |  July 3, 2012 at 16:13

    Reblogged this on The Brown Girl Chronicles and commented:
    Hello, readers. Please do read this post. I think it is quite fitting to the messages we have had out there about harassment. This is an account of a woman harassed in a Delhi Metro, and then her experience of how she was blamed by the metro mob.

  • 202. maniachunterMadhav  |  July 3, 2012 at 16:18

    bravo gurl. we need more females to stand up to guys. public embarrassment is the only way out. on top of that they expect people to be saints when they are out with their sisters or mothers.

  • 203. Ashwini  |  July 3, 2012 at 16:28

    Whatever u did was the right thing gal…kudos to you for standing against 50 odd men… your predicament will give strength to all of us who read this… its high time that man should stop showing apathy towards women’s safety… the absurd stereotypical behaviour of most of the men for blaming women for her own victimization is preposterous its high time this attitude is changed…and we women by being strong can make this happen…

  • 204. castled  |  July 3, 2012 at 16:39

    Scary and concerning…
    You braved it… Hats off…

  • 205. Jay  |  July 3, 2012 at 16:54

    I don’t know. But the truth is that one guy over there did try to save you (even though he fought for his own ego) all the rest of them travelers didn’t understand, but he did.
    And hey, can ya blame the guy for going away after he just gotten beaten up ???????

  • 206. Mayank  |  July 3, 2012 at 16:56

    I don’t know what to say to this
    all this happened in broad daylight, precisely why i have begun to hate delhi.
    All i can say is, I would have helped or spoken up.
    And i am sure if any of my friend had been there they would have spoken up too.

  • 207. smriti  |  July 3, 2012 at 17:09

    Fuck those bastards. Respect for your courage. Hope Indian women (including me) have as much guts as you. Thank you for sharing.

  • 208. amcrazydiamond  |  July 3, 2012 at 17:17

    As a guy I am deeply ashamed and embarrassed that a girl in today’s age and that too in the capital of the country had to undergoe such treatment. I actually feel like I need to apologize on behalf of all those people. I always saddened that in a country where we pray to the Mother Goddess, and hold our mothers and sisters sacred such a thing happens. And unfortunately this isn’t an isolated incident. We all have friends and sisters who have faced such incidents. But kudos to you for being brave and standing up for what you felt was right. And you were right. I hope this incident doesn’t change your thinking of Indian males because despite if the majority being dickheads, there are some decent folk out there as well :-). So go out there and thanks for writing this. Everyone deserves to know

  • 209. Kartikay  |  July 3, 2012 at 17:27


    Reminds me of these lines: “I know I am here where I am because a lot of people before me did things that went against the grain during their times which I may or may not have the opportunity or even the courage to do during my own time.”

    That friend of yours is one of those who pushes the envelope – facing the brunt but making the world a better place for women.


  • 210. Vidya Tiwari  |  July 3, 2012 at 17:37

    Proud of you Girl ! You did well ! I can only imagine what you must have gone through .. Women need to stand up for themselves .. I believe We need to change the way we bring up our boys ..

  • 211. K  |  July 3, 2012 at 17:38

    This kind of behaviour can be termed as the standard Indian behaviour. See it happen everywhere; raise your voice and they turn abusive/violent. Its not limited to women, men also get attacked specially those who dont look like these ruffians. These people are mostly the small town people or absolute “dehatis” who’ve sold their land parcels to developers and suddenly gotten rich. (please note Im not saying all these people are from small town/villages or that all people from small towns/villages behave like this)

    Recently I was making a U turn, a biker fell right in front of my car (on his own), others around started harassing/abusing me as if my car had hit the bike. Couple of them even tried to open the door (didnt thanks to central locking, it didnt). A cop also joined in (hoping to make some $$) In all this the most interesting thing was that the biker who fell, got up, dusted his clothes and told the cop that the bike had slipped on its own and these people are uselessly harassing the car owner!! From that day onwards, I have started carrying pepper spray & a spanner in the glovebox & a baseball bat in the boot.

  • 212. Sandeep Bali  |  July 3, 2012 at 17:39

    Everything you are accusing the people standing around you for applies equally on you too.

    It is one thing to see that people so dumb as yourself have audacity to be the way that you are and then write about it too. What is more disappointing to see so many people who agree with you.

    And I couldn’t see any courage you showed here. Courage could be seen if you had bothered to intervene the quarrel between two guys which had atleast something to do with you. And yet you call all the other people coward for not taking your side? Madem, these people had nothing at all to do with you.

    They saw how you were to the guy who tried helping you. They just felt that you do not deserve any more help. Had you have stood by the guy who supported you, all those people who were speaking against you would be speaking for you.

    • 213. Ankur Mehta  |  July 3, 2012 at 19:28

      Valid points raised by you, Sir. I wish all the women reading this blog, rather than reacting emotionally and being deliberately blind, actually saw through the facts which clearly show that all parties – with the exception of the brave guy (huge asshole after all!) – are equally guilty of the crimes they accuse each other of.

      • 214. Crochet  |  July 3, 2012 at 22:50

        You saw through the facts. Thank you for that.

      • 215. louiselily  |  October 19, 2012 at 14:45

        ”with the exception of the brave guy (huge asshole after all!) – are equally guilty of the crimes they accuse each other of.”

        PLEASE leave your ”Men’s Rights” (hahah) bullshit mentality out of this. I’ve seen your posts and they add nothing to the discussion at all. Just some big manbaby whining. Maybe you are illiterate. But the post clearly says she was standing there minding her own business >she is NOT to blame, she did not ask the guy to stand up for her > she is NOT to blame, she did not start the fight > she is NOT to blame, she did not ask to be insulted by Guy2 for the sake of his macho pride> she is NOT to blame, if the assholes on the train were that worried about the fight they could have called the police themselves, it wasn’t her ”duty” >she is NOT to blame. Yup hope I broke it down for your selfish peasized brain to take in. Hope the other whiners on here, Darkcomedy and her ilk also get this through their skulls.

    • 216. BoBo  |  July 3, 2012 at 22:31

      Yeah, he sure “helped” her by telling the guy “Say and do what you want, but don’t you dare talk to me that way”.
      Yeah, putting a woman down and telling a molester he can have his way with her is totally fine.

      Pathetic, and no wonder India is the way it is and why it ranks only a few steps ahead of Saudi when it comes to women’s quality of life.

      • 217. Sandeep Bali  |  July 4, 2012 at 05:08

        Dear Bobo,

        I vastly doubt the guy who came up without any personal interest to help this lady by his own accord had any reason to back out from it and still carry on a fight with this other guy.

        Stop believing everything you read online.

        And thanks Ankur n Crochet, despite the fact that its disappointing how many people are supporting this and flooding twitter.. i just feel happy to see that however few, but sane people still do exist.

        • 218. BoBo  |  July 4, 2012 at 08:00

          //I vastly doubt the guy who came up without any personal interest to help this lady by his own accord had any reason to back out from it and still carry on a fight with this other guy.//

          Yeah, perish the thought that a chauvinist man with a bruised ego, who couldn’t give two shits about the victim, just did it out of the goodness of his heart. Even though he said to the molester that he can talk to the victim however he wishes. Even though he ran out of the train, chasing the molester, instead of giving two shits about what may have come of the victim. Even though he escalated a war of words into a fist fight to protect his puny male ego.

          //Stop believing everything you read online.//

          Yeah, instead we should just believe imaginary things that no one has posited.

          //And thanks Ankur n Crochet//

          You do realize Crochet is mocking you, right?

          • 219. Sandeep Bali  |  July 4, 2012 at 14:17

            Noone is hero here, and noone is supposed to be. Everyone is supposed to watch their back first, take care of themselves, then take care of others. Bottomline is the guy intervened when he had nothing to do with this girl. And this girl didn’t intervene even when she was even if partly the reason of why the quarrel initiated in first place.

            She can’t say that NOONE came to her rescue. Simple because:

            1. She didn’t get involved in “two assholes quarreling”.
            2. Well, actually one guy did turn up.

            I wonder how did you find that he was a “chauvinist man”. Although I don’t really believe that he would have said that (heard of different versions of same story, everyone trying to look good??), even if he said that, how can you “Imagine” that he wouldn’t have said the same if the “Victim” was a male. Would he still be a chauvinist?

            We want people to stand together against some bad elements like the guy who stood too close to the girl. But the moment they started fighting, it wasn’t the girl’s problem anymore. Is it really so hard to see that the other people felt same when she was being yelled at, that it’s not their problem, that some assholes are yelling at a bitch?

            Chauvinist is a big word, not to be thrown at anyone for anything. We don’t need feminism, we need indifference towards gender.

            The girl did suffer unreasonably in the first place, but there were MANY better ways to handle this and she acted foolishly. I also do understand that the girl must be traumatized and needs support. The bigger problem is, what she did wasn’t the best way to handle this, had nothing courageous about it, should not be encouraged.

            Bad elements do exist, did exist and always will, no point blaming them and you can’t eliminate them completely, so learn to handle (this includes carrying pepper spray etc..)

            Anyways, I know noone is gonna agree to anyone else here, so this was my last post.

          • 220. leon marhab  |  July 4, 2012 at 14:41

            @BoBo- good one. i wouldnt have tried talking had i known a guy like you would do it better.

        • 221. Aaj Ka Mard  |  July 4, 2012 at 13:39

          How do you know he didn’t have a personal interest? Maybe he decided to maro chance and see if it pays off. You weren’t there, how can you speak for others intentions!? Ridiculous really.

    • 222. Aaj Ka Mard  |  July 4, 2012 at 13:44

      Madem. Hehe. Sirjee, kripa karo. Your version of courage is outdated, upgrade please. I’m so sick of this gyan spewing forth vapidly from cretins who seem to have some special power to teleport themselves into the past and assess for themselves what others were thinking. BAH!

  • 223. Nisha  |  July 3, 2012 at 17:41

    The challenge is that the woman claiming to be harassed had many options and she chose to be belligerent. She was looking at her rights, nit what may avoid confrontation without sacrificing anything, just move away. If someone is unreasonable, for whatever reasons, I will give the person one chance to get away from his unreasonableness. If someone persists, its a situation. But in this case, going by what the lady claims herself, she was aggravating a situation.

    NY had hurt me hell of a lot more and Heather Timmons is a biased lady who is better suited for public relations than journalism. Just imagine NY and how it treats its citizens everyday- at least treated until a Giuliani did something about it.

    By imposing alien values on a society that has not figured out where it stands we are judging it harshly. It has little to write home about but this lady represents a new conflict that is eminently avoidable. She was clearly being TESTY!

    • 224. Crochet  |  July 3, 2012 at 22:58

      @ Nisha
      That whole bit about NY and Heather Timmons. Pointless. This is not NY and we don’t have a Giuliani. Get over it.

      I sincerely think some of you folks can’t read. There seems to be no other explanation for the drivel. My speaking up against a mob is “belligerence” now. Brilliant. So I should have meekly moved away from “unreasonableness” thereby allowing it another chance to proliferate perhaps? I aggravated the situation. Such power!

      Good grief.

      – Testy

      • 225. leon marhab  |  July 4, 2012 at 14:37

        crochet, my heart goes out to you, whether you accept or not is your choice. i’m still studying, and i assure you the new generation is changing, chivalry is not dead, and not all college kids are bad. i know you say i’m behind the armor of an led screen. but i have stood up to drunks who bothered women. my own mother has taught me never to stand a woman being harassed. you may choose to think it bullshit, but if you can help it, don’t lose that hope for equality.

  • 226. Sushant  |  July 3, 2012 at 17:45

    I am really appalled and sad that these things happen.The real concern is that instead of supporting the courage showed by that woman people turned against her.However, I guess, intention behind creating separate coach for women was not to segregate them from men.We still have reserved seats for women in all coaches.This condemnable situation cannot be controlled through policy or government efforts.We need to have active citizenry to check this.We must undergo a long process of cultivating this culture in our society. At JNU I have always seen that such things (mentioned in the blog) are unacceptable to the larger student community and regular efforts are made (at times violently also) to secure and guard this basic concept.and yes i consider this as “BASIC”.This is the minimum from where things should start.

  • 227. Ankur Mehta  |  July 3, 2012 at 17:51

    So, 1st guy intervened to stop the sexual harassment of the girl by 2nd guy and then it turns ugly between the two? And the girl thinks BOTH guys – not just the abuser but also the one who intervened – is an “asshole” and the same. Okay. Nice.

    Rather than dismissing the guy who actually had balls to stand up to the despicable groper as an “asshole”, shouldn’t she have atleast stood by him against the perv? This is the problem with women. They expect all men to speak up for them but after things turn ugly, they don’t speak up for the man who spoke up for them. Of course, the 50 passengers’ behaviour is equally pukeworthy as well. They didn’t intervene at first, they had no right whatever to shower their wisdom on her, later. Should’ve kept their mouths shut.

    My response in a similar case would be cold indifference. If I’d intervened, most probably I’d get brutally beaten to death by the molester gang. And the girl would simply take off and forget me forever. She wouldn’t show up at the court to testify in my favor, against the bastards. All accused will be set free for lack of evidence. My family would be ruined. So, no thanks. 5 years ago, my response would be different. But, now I have my priorities right.

    • 228. Archana R  |  July 3, 2012 at 20:04

      I am sorry, I stopped listening after you said “This is the problem with women.”

      Maybe because I’m a woman and I have trouble listening.

      Oh snap! Another generalization!

      • 229. Ankur Mehta  |  July 3, 2012 at 22:13

        Ha Ha Ha!! Closing your ears to an obvious and inconvenient truth doesn’t change it, however.

        I am no one to make any ‘generalization’. Thousands and thousands of such cases exist, criminals get away, an idealistic man’s family slips into bankruptcy and ruination since the woman whose testimony could’ve made a difference thought it too cumbersome to take up the legal trouble.

        If good samaritans are called “assholes”, then do ponder why not many men stand up. You might just get an answer. Or maybe you’ll dismiss me as just another misogynistic “asshole” :-)

        • 230. BoBo  |  July 3, 2012 at 22:34

          Yeah, a “good Samaritan” who later says that the molester can have his way with the woman as long as he respects *him* and doesn’t insulting him.

          Bravo, too. For the general misogynist stereotyping, victim blaming and general mansplaining. Zip it up, your privilege is showing.

          • 231. Rational liberal  |  July 3, 2012 at 23:06

            you go BoBo! :D

          • 232. Ankur Mehta  |  July 4, 2012 at 00:20

            BoBo Ji, that guy you dismiss as an asshole was the ONLY one who stood up to the molester. For whatever reasons.

            While you’re just another anonymous Internet smartass. Its very easy to preach feminism from a keyboard. Quite a different thing to actually stand up and speak. At risk to life and limb (which happened here). Do think………oh I forgot!! Thinking requires this thing called brain.

          • 233. BoBo  |  July 4, 2012 at 01:29

            I love this anonymous smartass comment, as if putting the name “Ankur Mehta” makes you any less anonymous. So if I put Moolchand Gupta as my name, somehow my opinion becomes more legit? What sort of nonsense is this?

            //Quite a different thing to actually stand up and speak. At risk to life and limb (which happened here). //

            Yeah, been there, done that. And in a much better fashion where the concern is for the victim and not having a macho showdown with the perp where my manliness or womanliness is on the line.

            // Do think………oh I forgot!! Thinking requires this thing called brain.//
            Yeah, deconstructing your misogynist shit somehow renders people brainless. But coming up with vomitous misogyny and oodles of manspalining totally indicates your genius. Shaabash beta!
            ::clap, clap::

        • 234. Archana R  |  July 5, 2012 at 19:22

          Errr. I wouldn’t have thought you were misogynistic, just an asshole. But then you went and tried to back up your inane generalization (why did you put it in quotes? You just called it a ‘fact’. HAH! See what I did there?) about all women being this way and how they are ruining men’s lives.

          Boo hoo. Women are evil. And the asshole is not in quotes. Congrats.

  • 235. ev  |  July 3, 2012 at 18:00

    y u got in2 d ‘everyone’ coach is becuz it is for everyone… I am pleasantly surprised by the fact that you stayed. Inspiring decision to not play the victim!

  • 236. M  |  July 3, 2012 at 18:37

    I’m truly ashamed that there was no one to stand up for you, I can feel your anger and your frustration. You’re really brave, hats off to you. We need more people like you in this country.

  • 237. M.A.R.S  |  July 3, 2012 at 18:46

    It was indeed the saddest thing that happend.what i think is,it is not delhi thats responsible nor is the time rather there is a disease in the hearts of men,A disease called ‘selfishness’ that arise due to desires.when we will be able to control this,surely then we will be able to behave more humanly.The incident took place and time went away..but the scars still remain on your memory..scars that you never intended to earn,they were given to you by others..what could be a compensation to that?..and who will give a comepnsation,and in what coins?…truly this is an unjust place to be….Surely a day will come when every soul will be give justice to what it has earned here..

  • 238. Pooja  |  July 3, 2012 at 18:55

    Shocking, really and I could very well imagine your position. Kudos for not taking the blame on urself and getting off early. Bravo! We really need to stand up.

  • 239. Shikha  |  July 3, 2012 at 18:58

    Kudos to you for standing your ground and not buckling under pressure to get off the train. It’s a really sad state of affairs, and more so when it happens in supposedly ‘educated’, capital cities like Mumbai and Delhi.
    However, I disagree on the women’s coach reservation bit. I travel in the Mumbai local trains everyday. Given the skewed population ratio in our country, if there are no separate coaches, women will not get any place to sit. And we all know how good they’d be when it comes to pushing/shoving men to get into the train. Hardly.
    And again, considering the chauvinist society that we are, I see a lot of women chopping vegetables/doing other work in the train at even 8 pm when they’re on their way back from work. So not having separate coaches will only make their life more difficult.
    I can only wish that in this lifetime, I get to see a respectful, mature and progressive society.

  • 240. Riya Mukherjee  |  July 3, 2012 at 19:35

    Hi, this is Riya. Am Head of Programming at Radio Mirchi. Please drop me a mail on riya.mukherjee@timesgroup.com if your friend wants to reach out to a larger audience through us.

    • 241. chandni  |  July 3, 2012 at 19:52

      Thanks so much Riya! Its heart warming to see your radio channel come forward! Let me put you in touch with her! many thanks again!

    • 242. Shalu Bhuchar  |  July 3, 2012 at 20:30

      Super! Here’s another one for you…policemen who think they can intimidate people, especially women…I almost came to blows with one Mohan Lal day before right outside ISCKON temple for trying to intimidate me by standing up. Trouble is a)i turned out to be a good head talled than him and b) I yelled my head off at him for trying to intimidate me!

    • 243. leon marhab  |  July 4, 2012 at 14:25

      thanks Riya. while you’re at it you could also analyze the excruciatingly long comment thread that follows. myself ( i give you complete freedom to judge ), and dont get me wrong, i ask no part in this mind you!!; darkhumor ( i think she’s a radical feminist ), BoBo ( he makes better use of words than me ), Crochet ( i’m pretty sure she’s the protagonist – just sayin ) and AB especially ( you should read him he swears on his principles ). i’m no one to tell you what to do. nevertheless i did just in case that might help make your story more amusing. you do welcome them suggestions i hope. if not, my apologies.
      nevertheless this story gave me a more complete picture of the mental state of our society. feels good there are people hoping for change. feels bad its still messed up.

  • 244. Chhavi Pruthi  |  July 3, 2012 at 19:38

    Reblogged this on Coffee Ramblings.

  • 245. Anon  |  July 3, 2012 at 19:39

    That really is unfortunate shit. What started out as an idiot fucker needlessly getting too close to a girl and being a pervert, turned into an ego war, with the end result of the woman being blamed and termed as the root of the problem, which happens quite often and mostly without reason or basis.
    Our society really needs a reality check. It’s pretty clear who should have been blamed and against whom the voices should have been raised.
    Will things change? I am a cynic, so I don’t have much hope. I certainly want them to, nonetheless.

  • 246. snk  |  July 3, 2012 at 19:39

    Was the word “Izzat” that got flown around?

  • 247. Chhavi Pruthi  |  July 3, 2012 at 19:41

    Oh Gosh…I am spreading the word…hence, I reblogged it

  • 248. abbas  |  July 3, 2012 at 19:46

    thumbs up to this lady,she did earn my respect, and yeah, shame on those men.BRAVE GIRL! WELL DONE!

  • 249. Shubham Sirothia  |  July 3, 2012 at 19:47

    When the 1st guy was not leaving u then inspite of constantly telling him to move u should have moved to a different place because as i recalled the compartment was not empty.If the guy has still followed u then u should have slapped him,instead of crying that no body helped or i am a women etc.Before being female u r a human and there only 1 rule applies to humans…SAVE YOUR ASS FIRST.You can and u must have fight for urself rather waiting for someone to help u.

    • 250. Shalu Bhuchar  |  July 3, 2012 at 20:27

      excuse me….WHY should she have moved???? By not moving she was fighting for herself! By asking the man to move away she WAS fighting for herself – or did you COMPLETELY miss and zone out on that aspect?

  • 251. AB  |  July 3, 2012 at 20:00

    This lady is just as much a coward as the other people. The 2nd guy stood up for her and 5 seconds later, she calls him an asshole! And when the 2nd guy had his face broken trying to help the girl, she didnt feel any need to call police or doctors for him! Queen Nidhi doesnt think she had a duty to try to find first aid for the injured person.

    And what is the biggest crime of the onlookers? They didnt come to soothe Queen Nidhi! The onlookers also didnt call for first aid for the wounded bleeding man, but that is a much smaller crime! After all, he is only a man, he has done his duty to protect Queen Nidhi and failed. Queen Nidhi doesnt care if he lives or dies in the process…

    Bottomline: Men are like dispensable items. A man lies bleeding on the floor and the real tragedy is that no one came to soothe the poor lady who had her feelings hurt!

    • 252. BoBo  |  July 3, 2012 at 22:42

      //The 2nd guy stood up for her and 5 seconds later, she calls him an asshole! And when the 2nd guy had his face broken trying to help the girl, she didnt feel any need to call police or doctors for him!//

      Yeah, no. He didn’t “stand up” for her. He was being a braggadocio, a manly man. Whose manliness was more important than helping a fellow human being who was being harassed. Ever thought why this so-called Good Samaritan (an asshole in my opinion) said the following?
      ” 2nd guy says to 1st guy, hey! speak to her however you want but speak to me with respect!
      Interesting how suddenly the dynamic of the situation changes. It’s about respect, not towards me but to his manhood.”

      Speak to her however you want? Fuck him. Any semblance of being a good samaritan is lost when he actually felt it was a-ok for a molester to do that to this person.

      //And what is the biggest crime of the onlookers? They didnt come to soothe Queen Nidhi!//

      Oh please, cut the bullshit. Their crime is not only doing nothing, but then having the temerity to further harass her and blame her for a fight she did not cause. Victim blaming much?

      //Bottomline: Men are like dispensable items. A man lies bleeding on the floor and the real tragedy is that no one came to soothe the poor lady who had her feelings hurt!//

      Amazing how being sexually molested and harassed in your filthy, privileged mind is just getting your “feelings hurt”. The next time you get groped, sexually harassed and humiliated by a bunch of men (or if you female relatives have that happen) AND then blamed–come back with this same logic.

      • 253. le nino  |  July 3, 2012 at 23:10

        Well said sir/madam.

      • 254. rohit  |  July 11, 2012 at 15:37

        Wow!!! You seem like an expert in these issues. What should the man have done here??? if the molester is abusing his mother, he should stay silent because its no longer about the girl anymore?? The girl thinks that the moment the reason for fight is not about her she can blame the fight is to satisfy their egos. The man is also harassed here and the woman is indifferent to them. exactly opposite of what she is advocating. Somehow everyone who supports the girl is termed as a nice guy and who spoke for the man are branded as chauvinistic. The girl definitely faced a lot of agony and this kind of acts should be condemned. But why is the guy who stood up for her is termed as asshole. Is it because he stood up for himself when he became the victim????

    • 255. Crochet  |  July 3, 2012 at 23:10

      Who is Queen Nidhi? *puzzled*

      Perhaps try reading again. I’m convinced we need to encourage reading more.

      Epic fail at sarcasm btw. It made me laugh.

      • 256. AB  |  July 4, 2012 at 00:33

        You seem madam, I am a vernacular. I am used to read science kitaab where point is made quickly and precisely. Now you read Simone de Beauvoir… she takes 10,000 words to express 1 stupid idea and your style is also same…

        • 257. BoBo  |  July 4, 2012 at 00:37

          You, AB, are probably one of the men who does harass women. I don’t think you read any kitaab, much less “science”–that much is obvious from your posts.

        • 258. Crochet  |  July 4, 2012 at 00:44

          Eh? You are a vernacular? How is that relevant. I’m an elephant. I can stick to the walls like a chimpanzee. Who cares? Stick to the point. If you have any.

  • 259. Archana R  |  July 3, 2012 at 20:01

    I’m horrified, but somehow not surprised. It’s sickens me and angers me to read this, but somehow… no, still not surprised.

    And yes, I agree, I too am against the ladies compartment. I also don’t like the ladies seats in buses, I generally don’t take them even when offered, and no, I never make somebody get up or chide them for sitting in a woman’s seat. Because, guess what? I may be a girl, but I am perfectly capable of standing upright on a moving vehicle. I am tired of all the fucking comments about how ENTITLED women are and how they ruin everything. Really? REALLY? You treat us like dirt, and then for “safety” we have to be treated differently, and then you whine about special treatment. Give me a fucking break.

    Props to your friend. Know that she is respected.

  • 260. Shalu Bhuchar  |  July 3, 2012 at 20:09

    No I wasn’t and am not wondering any of those things….the only thing I’m wondering is why you didn’t slap the first asshole the first time you asked him to move and he didn’t! I totally agree with you about the callousness of men and I totally get why you didn’t realise the emergency button’s existence…a situation like this should not arise, let alone reach the state of emergency.

    It is men who teach men to disrespect women and women who encourage their sons to be such “men”. What does daddy do?Educate sons in the best of the schools and show them what it means to be a man at home – get the women at home to pick their dirty clothes after them, shove the women, yell at them in front of their sons, treat the women like dirt, teach their son(s) to scratch his balls in public and leer at women, if a woman dares to stand up to men, call her a hussy; if a woman gets raped, say it’s her fault – she asked for it….What does mommy dearest do? Tell the daughter, “he’s your brother, don’t hit him back even if he bashes you up”, make her clear his plate from the dining table, teach her only “loose” girls go out partying with their friends (while the brother staggers in, drunk at some awful time in the A.M.)…..

    The list is long, the unfortunate fact that women seem to be getting a lot of the short end of the stick. No, i’m not a feminist who demands equality. I’m just pointing out facts…yes in “educated” households too, what can I say about the “uneducated, backward” ones?

    All that said, while I wonder why you didn’t give more of an earful – and a slap or two – to the spineless jerks who sat pointing fingers at you, I applaud you for standing there till your stop came – shaking, quaking knees and all.

  • 261. Ekta  |  July 3, 2012 at 20:22

    am extremely sorry to hear this, Nidhi & i so wish i was there to support u. I hope what am gonna say now will make u feel better…remember that every incident/experience makes u stronger & its a big contribution towards the change we all want to see. today only u & the guy [who was beaten up] resisted violence/harassment/abuse. tomorrow it will increase exponentially coz y’day it was only 1 (you :). dont give up the fight becoz we need strong women like u for a better tomorrow! You will go a long way :) best wishes

  • 262. Shalu Bhuchar  |  July 3, 2012 at 20:25

    No I wasn\’t and am not wondering any of those things….the only thing I\’m wondering is why you didn\’t slap the first asshole the first time you asked him to move and he didn\’t! I totally agree with you about the callousness of men and I totally get why you didn\’t realise the emergency button\’s existence…a situation like this should not arise, let alone reach the state of emergency.

    It is men who teach men to disrespect women and women who encourage their sons to be such \”men\”. What does daddy do?Educate sons in the best of the schools and show them what it means to be a man at home – get the women at home to pick their dirty clothes after them, shove the women, yell at them in front of their sons, treat the women like dirt, teach their son(s) to scratch his balls in public and leer at women, if a woman dares to stand up to men, call her a hussy; if a woman gets raped, say it\’s her fault – she asked for it….What does mommy dearest do? Tell the daughter, \”he\’s your brother, don\’t hit him back even if he bashes you up\”, make her clear his plate from the dining table, teach her only \”loose\” girls go out partying with their friends (while the brother staggers in, drunk at some awful time in the A.M.)…..

    The list is long, the unfortunate fact that women seem to be getting a lot of the short end of the stick. No, i\’m not a feminist who demands equality. I\’m just pointing out facts…yes in \”educated\” households too, what can I say about the \”uneducated, backward\” ones?

    All that said, while I wonder why you didn\’t give more of an earful – and a slap or two – to the spineless jerks who sat pointing fingers at you, I applaud you for standing there till your stop came – shaking, quaking knees and all.

    • 263. le nino  |  July 3, 2012 at 23:07

      Very eloquent and moving, but what is your point again?

      • 264. Aaj Ka Mard  |  July 4, 2012 at 13:23

        Can’t read as well eh?

  • 265. Rj  |  July 3, 2012 at 20:46

    I honestly thought that you should have taken the women’s compartment. Govt has made some rules knowing what problems women are facing and since its a deep rooted problem and we cannot solve it over night, they are trying to protect women. But i honestly sympathise with you and i think you are quite brave to stand and give it back to ppl around you despite you going thru so much. It’s very easy for me to do a post mortem and suggest 1001 ways to avoid that situation or make it better….but honest i’d not even know how to handle such a problem if i was in your place…may be i’d have run away….Keep fighting…you’ll be proud of yourself one day….we all are proud of you now!!

    • 266. Crochet  |  July 3, 2012 at 23:16

      Thank you for your honesty. I appreciate that you understood how easy it is to conduct a postmortem after the incident and then offer what you think should be done instead.

      I personally do not think I handled the situation brilliantly. I could have done a zillion other things. But I did what I felt at that point was right. I do not presume to know how events would have turned out any which ways.

      I agree that women’s safety is a deep rooted problem that cannot be solved over night with a bandaid approach, which is what separate coaches for women are.

  • 267. saurabh mishra  |  July 3, 2012 at 20:56

    I am writing this message to convey you my appreciation for the brave and blowing expression which you have delivered in the train.
    And your attempt to highlight the entire drama and I appreciate wholeheartedly for the rigorous efforts which you have put in. I am starved of words to appreciate your thinking and more importantly your willingness.Most people hv more imp thngs to do than to sit around & think abt hw they cn destroy other people or insult others in an effort to give their worthless life some meaning. Just bcz God has nt gotten to their name in d list of people to rid the world of in an effort to make this world a better place to live, they honestly think tht they r dng the world a favor by abusing their mental instabilities and lashing out at innocent people.You have to stop allowing other people to control you or your life, make your own decisions and stop allowing those mentally unstable control freaks to put you down and make you feel worthless and depressed just so they can have the satisfaction of knowing that they can still make you feel bad in order to make them feel better about living the life of a loser.

  • 268. Arun  |  July 3, 2012 at 21:00

    Next time use a gun when you face people like those ! .. no seriously, we don’t need idiots in the society !

    • 269. le nino  |  July 3, 2012 at 23:02

      Magnificent solution dude!
      Now go fuck yourself.

    • 270. Crochet  |  July 3, 2012 at 23:19

      Hahahaa! People are having a hard time swallowing that I used assholes and fuck you’s cause lets face it, abusing is a man’s privilege. Had I actually used more physical means, I’d probably be stoned to death by now.

      • 271. AB  |  July 4, 2012 at 00:12

        chal hat…I know your types…now it is pretty obvious the crowd was spot on in its assessment of you. What are you…some JNU type Dilliwali who knows some radicalfeminist rubbish, but cant name the capital of Arunachal Pradesh? Now f*ck off to Wikipedia…

        Oh…and shave your underarms.

        • 272. Ramesh  |  July 4, 2012 at 00:35

          And while you’re at it, don’t forget the pubes.

          • 273. Aaj Ka Mard  |  July 4, 2012 at 13:19

            Hairy pits and pubes. That just escalated the whole maturity level so potently. It showcases the filth we are dealing with not just everyday but in every way as well. Sharam karo.

        • 274. BoBo  |  July 4, 2012 at 00:36

          Nice, misogynist trolls trotting out the same old tired shit as usual. When they run out of anything else to say.

          • 275. Ramesh  |  July 4, 2012 at 01:14

            Now now BoBo, don’t be shy. Its good hygiene dear.

          • 276. BoBo  |  July 4, 2012 at 12:00

            Ramesh, do you shave your pits and pubes? Do you even use a deodorant? No? Thought so.
            Then how in god’s fucking name do you expect women to do all that for your own pleasure?
            By the way, is this what you tell your mommy when someone gropes her? Or do you do all the groping yourself?

          • 277. leon marhab  |  July 4, 2012 at 14:00

            damn … and silly me for hoping anyone who read this post could only possibly sympathise.

        • 278. Crochet  |  July 4, 2012 at 04:01

          Feeling better?

        • 279. ~nm  |  July 4, 2012 at 08:32

          AB – Looking at the language you are using I think we also know “your types” – you are also the kinds who would leer/lech/grope other women. God save your own sisters/mothers/daughters from you.

      • 280. Ankur Mehta  |  July 4, 2012 at 02:09

        I’d actually respect you a zillion times more if you used aggressive physical means (slap, pepper spray, tazer gun) on the pervert and given all sorts of maa-behen gaalis to him. But rather, you turn your ire on the guy that tried to protest on your behalf and you’re pissed with him for vague and perhaps non existant reasons. That’s what gets our goat. Nothing else. ZERO male chauvinism involved here.
        Of course I speak only for myself.

        • 281. Crochet  |  July 4, 2012 at 03:44


          I can’t imagine the backlash, I’m sorry to say from folks exactly like you, had I used my tazer. I’d be stoned. Reading the hate here has convinced me of that fact.

          Vague and nonexistant. Yup. Its the thin line that normally gets blurred first. Ankur, you won’t like this but I like these thin lines that separate you from me.

          You have beaten the poor goat to death. :(

          • 282. Ankur Mehta  |  July 4, 2012 at 04:13


            Now, you’re simply putting words in my mouth. I’ve made myself very clear that I don’t mind molesters being tazered the living daylights out of. And yet you think I’ll stone you! And despite what you think I’ve no hate for you, heck! i don’t even know you. And I’m also part of “people like you” LOL!! What club is this? Membership options?
            You do seem to be a lethal mix of mind reading skills and pre conceived notions. Oh and I still believe whatever hsppened with you was wrong. And you should nab the culprits with Metro’s CCTV footage. Should be easy.

          • 283. Ankur Mehta  |  July 4, 2012 at 04:27

            And if this means anything, I’d like to say that it wasn’t my intention to hurt you or anything. I simply didn’t agree with one specific thing you said and spoke my mind. That’s all. And I’m sorry if my words have hurt you.
            I do hope you bring justice to whoever harassed you. Thats all.

          • 284. Aaj Ka Mard  |  July 4, 2012 at 13:13

            You want this girl to “tazer the living daylights” out of molesters. But she cannot call an asshole an asshole. HA! You also probably think she should consult you in the future, no wait…. all mankind to consult you in the future on how to handle harassment cause you seem to have some secret ruleboook. Shish!

            But the best is CCTV footage will help nab the culprit. HAHA! This is not a Jason Statham movie bucko. They cannot nab bloody politicians watching porn and you are claiming its eeeeeaaasy to nab culprits from footage! I just spurted my coffee through my nose btw. hehe.

        • 285. BoBo  |  July 4, 2012 at 12:01

          Oh please, you pathetic piece of human waste. You very much intended to hurt not only her, but women in general who don’t put up with fuckers like you.

        • 286. leon marhab  |  July 4, 2012 at 12:28

          so thats the solution. ire the perverts up. slap them ( ooh thats cute ), pepperspray them ( ya every woman has one right? ) tazer their ass off ( ya thats the next thing a woman puts in her bag after lipstick ). not unite against them, or prevent their existence by perseverance, or scare them off by the mere fact that there could be consequences beyond an electric itch. you sir, have no respect for women, and for that i have nothing to say. keep at it and all i can hope for is one day you get slapped by a woman for harassing her and hope that that would make you stop.

        • 287. Aaj Ka Mard  |  July 4, 2012 at 13:15

          Yeah dude, she’s craving your respect. Yeah. Totally.

  • 288. That Rotund Guy!  |  July 3, 2012 at 21:10

    Shocked. Really Shocked.
    I wonder why the young people in the train kept quite as well.
    Really mind – boggling incident :(

  • 289. allthingsblah  |  July 3, 2012 at 22:15

    Shocking. How could the crowd talk to a girl like that. Instead of standing up for her, they blamed her. Real men I say.

  • 290. RB  |  July 3, 2012 at 22:25

    I agreeeeee…ban the women coach…having experienced it in Mumbai locals the same attitude is emerging in the Delhi metro- ek coach de di aurton ko…usme kush kyon nahi rahte!….either mark half the coaches in the train for women or don’t bother….is our sensitive women Chief Minister listening, i wonder?

    Bravo Nidhi! am glad u did’nt succumb to the male pressure…please post this on as many fora as possible including the WCD, NCW and Delhi Metro website.

  • 291. Rebel (@DaEternalRebel)  |  July 3, 2012 at 22:45

    Tell your friend that she is not alone. She has the biggest companion on can ever have – courage.

  • 292. Taichi  |  July 3, 2012 at 22:52

    Reblogged this on Sincerely defiant and commented:
    I like her guts. She fought back , so *respect* .
    And I wonder where the metro police was in all of this. It’s is sad that the civilians prefer to enjoy the view than actually do something about it. I love watching school fights, I admit, but this really needed action. And this is how ladies and gentlemen Te Indian public represents itself…….

  • 293. Rational liberal  |  July 3, 2012 at 22:53

    Dear Nidhi,
    You’re not a victim, you’re the protagonist. You did the absolute right thing. It does not matter how you look or what you wore. its not your fucking fault. I, as a human am proud of you, your unwavering sense of justice and your courage in the face of such abominable, shameful, outright sexist, judgmental indifference. I hope you read my comment and take pride in yourself. We need more women like you. Plus what was hilarious was the “talk to her anyway you want, show me respect”. that is just so precious. And then people wonder why India takes the top spot for being the most horrid country for a woman to live in. We need people with balls. since most men seem to have lost theirs, looks like women need to grow some. Believe me, you are not alone. maybe, in your vicinity you wouldn’t find empathy, but thousands of us are fighting, this battle every-single day. You’re a part of this ever swelling rebellion of rational feminism. Take pride in the fact that you are making history, maybe just the tiniest bit, but you are a speckle in the wave of change!
    don’t forget the magic words you said! “(fuck you!”) they’ve hardly even been more appropriate!
    To you, amazonian warrior, may you grow stronger with every moment of injustice you fight. May the force be with you! :)

  • 294. le nino  |  July 3, 2012 at 23:01

    So let me break it down objectively, you witnessed a brawl between two guys and you are all shaken up.
    Welcome to the real world, there are people who face much worse but how much do you give a damn about them? Have you ever before spared a thought about a woman who couldn’t speak as fluent English as you can or isn’t as tech savvy as you are and not as educated as you are, their sufferings their pain how does that matter to you? Why the fuck would missy wissy living in her glass house care? It’s a zero sum game is life, if you do nothing for others expect nothing in return and even if you do something good don’t expect anything in return.

    Next you label 50 ordinary men as cowards for not jumping to your aid as Superman would have done, I apologize on their behalf but they have families to feed, parents to take care of and a life that is disjoint from yours to take care of.

    Yet I for bringing out the truth will be categorized as a male chauvinistic pig, but that’s ok I can live with it.

    As a test all of you ask yourself a couple of questions:
    1. Do you know the name of the watchman who guards your apartment building or society where you live?

    2. Do you know what is the plight of the children of your maid, what class in school they go to or if they go to school at all.

    3. How do you treat those people who are below you in the social ladder that exists, ever talked with them. Most likely you don’t even speak the same language they do.

    So shut fucking up and get on with life, if it has shaken you so badly the make it a point to do some good in life without expecting anything in return.

    • 295. agyaani baba  |  July 4, 2012 at 00:27

      u r a practical man, may be everyone of us who has had a bad experience yells at the society being insensitive, but we become stonely insensitive when the same thing happens with others. I appreciate ur practicality

    • 296. Crochet  |  July 4, 2012 at 00:50


      1. Yes
      2. Yes
      3. I do

      – missy wissy living in her glass house… oh joy!

      • 297. le nino  |  July 4, 2012 at 01:12

        Waise your boy tales are quite nice,
        wonder why you refuse to see any reason here.

        But aapko ek sentence pasand aagaya, yehi khushi ki baat hai hamare liye.

      • 298. NB  |  July 4, 2012 at 07:19

        Its funny how you react to people who disagree with you Crochet.

        Just like you dismissed my comments earlier – the fact of the matter is you talk about “this is all hindsight” and your reaction in the moment is justified.

        I dont think anyone is against that concept. However, this blog IS in hindsight so you should be more objective rather than attract sympathy which seems to be the purpose.

        Yes you were wronged. Yes there were cowards and yes life sucks.

        But the point is – society in Delhi (and in India) in general is in doldrums and we (including you) are to blame for it. If you arent involved on the grass roots trying to fix the problem then no you shouldnt complain it happened to you. Because its happened to several men and women over the years and the same situation is repeated – initial outrage and soon forgotten.

        I didnt use jessica lal as a case in point – my point was – if you havent been involved in grass roots fixing as a whole then you’re no different to the silent spectator.

        • 299. ~nm  |  July 4, 2012 at 09:19

          NB – I understand your point. Its valid. To be involved with grass roots fixing. But don’t you think we can start at something which is happening around us? The whole point is around that.

        • 300. Aaj Ka Mard  |  July 4, 2012 at 12:39

          And how do you expect her to react? She narrates a harrowing incident hoping it will raise awareness. Every Tommy, Dickhead and uska chota bhai get on this page and try to give her gyan on how she shouldn’t have shouted, shouldn’t have called an asshole an asshole, shouldn’t expect sympathy, shouldn’t expect help… uff! Bas karo yaaron! Bacche ki jaan loge?

          You are ludicrous in asking her to be objective. She is. That whole post is in objectivity. She even admits it. Twice!! But no ji, the mard in you cannot be quenched. How do you know she isn’t at some grassroot level doing something? Do you know her personally? You fling accusations and dole out more pithy gyan.

          The narration of this incident is in parts trying to fix a really huge problem. Your myopia cannot grasp that yet.

    • 301. Rational liberal  |  July 4, 2012 at 01:27

      El Nino.

    • 302. leon marhab  |  July 4, 2012 at 13:55

      you’re fucked up man. you just revealed to the world that you dont give a shit for anything unrelated to you in even the slightest way. lol what kind of an idiot wouldnt know the plight of their maid’s kids? if at all? lame excuse to voice up man, if you cant do it and fifty men on a train cant do it, doesnt give you the right to stereotype all men as being like yourself. the majority maybe, and you can live with it maybe, its all about your family and your wives. what if your mother and sister face this exact same harassment? would you rather some guy would think of their own and help out, or would you have them mind their own business. life is hard my friend, everyone has fucked up issues. but when life calls for basic common sense that can give you a sense of fulfillment and righteousness, dont throw it away, because it is only going to make you a happier person.
      and who are we kidding here? you’re not risking your life exactly here are you? or maybe you are. if you think about the point in living then, you’ll see nothing. but maybe you’re happy just existing. all you. all your life. and you fail to realize the world is not as big as you think it is. finally you die having done nothing. sorry for the philosophy but you have no right to disrespect this woman. and i suggest you sit your ass down and ponder over your very own words. how do you know this woman hasnt done any good? if ten men read this post of hers and decide they should give more respect isnt that something good? what can she possibly expect them to give her in return?
      ripples and waves my friend. ripples and waves. and if u really love your family as much as you profess- you should keep quiet when women try to say men need to change. you may be perfect, but one day without knowing its consequences will arrive, good or bad. karmas a bitch. but she’s never unfaithful. you can antagonize and swear however bad you want and i wont say anything more.
      but its this exact attitude we’re addressing here. forgive me for my insolence but i really have nothing better to do.

  • 303. agyaani baba  |  July 4, 2012 at 00:35

    I appreciate the guts of this young lady who could actually stand up to the negatives of the society. sitting nd blaming a helpless girl is totally inhuman. those guys need a dose of the same society to understand what it feels like. Although u blamed the whole man hood being insensitive and the country to be in the dumps because of 50 loosely male characters, i wud love it if u consider there are a million unknown males protecting u and me and us on the borders of our country without knowing who we are so that we can safely bring up such issues and travel in our trains. I appreciate ur courage to give those loose ball less males a befitting reply.
    Also i wud like to mention how once i got in to a situation in a mumbai local in a ladies coach by mistake and the ladies abused and pushed me out in the next 5 minutes and how i was literally thrown out :P :P

  • 304. Ankur Mehta  |  July 4, 2012 at 00:50

    The dude felt insulted when the molester talked back to him. Hence he reacted spontaenously. We all say many things in such tense situations. Normally, just normally, we don’t usually sit down and prepare a speech in Shuddh Hindi. We say things spontaneously.
    The guy also went through the same thing. That however does NOT change the fact that he, AT LEAST, had the courage and heart to intervene first.

    NOTHING changes the fact that he got his nose broken. Why exactly? Because of getting into a fight over a girl’s harassment.
    He very easily could’ve looked the other way. He did NOT. And at least that miniscule initiative is praiseworthy.
    Dear NM, with that mindset, please don’t EVER expect a guy to stand up for you if God forbid you also face something similar. Chances are, his dead body will probably be spray painted with ASSHOLE by people who think like you. So why should he intervene.

    • 305. ~nm  |  July 4, 2012 at 09:09

      Ankur – If you read one of the responses above you will read that the girl did feel relieved and thankful towards the guy when he first intervened.

      So please read and DO NOT ASSUME anything. A humble request.

  • 306. Ankur Mehta  |  July 4, 2012 at 01:19

    Look, lady, I have no personal beef against you. That would be a waste of time.

    What I do however condemn with utter contempt is your snarky dismissal of a guy that tried to help you, with the term “asshole”. Yeah yeah he had a poor choice of words. But is life really that very simple? Does it take away from the fact that he was the ONLY guy that spoke up? Get me straight here. I find it a wee bit curious that you expected people to help you, yet you chastise the only guy that helped you.
    My comments aren’t only about you. I’m simply trying to say that by seeing this mindset among women, many men who would otherwise help would be discouraged. Why help someone probably with risk to life, only to be called an asshole afterwards? That’s all I really wanna say. Thanks.

    • 307. BoBo  |  July 4, 2012 at 08:04

      //Look, lady, I have no personal beef against you. That would be a waste of time.

      Of course you do. Either that, or you don’t know basic English and writing gobbledegoop.

      //Yeah yeah he had a poor choice of words.//

      Poor choice of words? Ahahahaha, nice. Someone who says “Do as you please with her, I don’t care. But I care about any insulting words you might say to me, enough to beat you up”. He’s just guilty of poor choice of words. Not of general chauvinist assholery. Gotcha.

      // I’m simply trying to say that by seeing this mindset among women, many men who would otherwise help would be discouraged.//

      Nice does of misogyny there. Stereotyping women, when in fact they are abused, humiliated, violated, raped, beaten, etc on a daily basis, across all castes and classes in India.

      And we should all worship the men who might show *some* iota of human dignity and do the right thing. You know, because expecting people in India to act like moral human beings is such tenuous demand. We should just think all Indians are inhumane, selfish bastards. To hell with expecting basic human decency.

    • 308. ~nm  |  July 4, 2012 at 09:15

      Ankur – If anyone, be it a woman or a man, start first by trying to be on your side one second and the next second are damn with her its me who is important, my respect is important, then their initial act of helping becomes nothing but farce. It was completely fake. So if it was a woman instead of second guy I would still feel the same.

      Hope you now understand that we have no vendetta for the guy helping because he was a guy.

    • 310. Aaj Ka Mard  |  July 4, 2012 at 12:27

      Are you daft?!?

      Some guy tries to act the hero, doesn’t like the response he gets from the bad guy, and proceeds to get into a fight with the other guy. And ALL you want this girl to focus on is that teeeeny tiny eeensie weensie lil bitty thing he pretended to do? And then HOW DARE SHE WRITE ABOUT IT!? And call this pretend-hero an asshole!!? And not give him CREDIT and PRAISE for his short-lived hero-giri?? SHAME ON HER!! Tchi Tchi! Aaj kal ki ladkiyaaan… hain na?

      Dude, you are so far off the bend that I wish to topple you clean over. That’s all you care about seriously? In that whole incident you could ONLY focus on that and are touting this entire page whining like a sick puppy?

      Accha yaar ok fine. Suppose she admits the guy was brave, he was super macho and behaved like a civilized gentry of Delhi’s elite class. She even gives him a hug! Then? Will you shut up? Will your bruised ego be soothed? Will you feel vindicated and vilified? Will you stand up for ~nm when she gets molested next?

      Please answer me ok. I wait.

  • […] morning I read a harrowing account of sexual harassment and victim blaming on the Delhi Metro. I can’t really say I was shocked […]

  • 312. Rubina  |  July 4, 2012 at 02:13

    I read this in the morning and it has been one the worst incidents I’ve ever come across. I have faced so many similar incidents that I decided to start a chapter of Hollaback in my city. They are a US based organization that use social media to fight for gender rights’ issues. I think your friend is incredibly brave and I wish I had the same courage as her. I wish her all the best and I hope she never has to face anything similar again. I’ve posted about this story on our blog as well (http://chd.ihollaback.org/2012/07/the-power-of-sharing-stories-the-delhi-metro-incident/)

  • 313. Rahul Bhatli  |  July 4, 2012 at 09:15

    This is what we live in. This is the real face of the society. This is how damaged it is.
    I read somewhere if you want to measure how developed a country is, just look at the status of women, how they are treated.
    And this is not first time something like this have happened.

    I cnt think of any week since I started reading newspaper and didn’t found the word “Rape” in it.

    Its amusing in its own paethetic way, that a land where women is literally worshiped as goddesses, she is also found guilty for letting the rape ‘happen’, letting incidents like this ‘happen’.

    And they blame you right in your face. Cuz they don’t have any balls to stand up. Forget fight. If people just could stand up and shout. Its more than nuf.

    But no why wud they?!
    Its ur fault
    Just because she was wearing ‘modern’ clothes or because she was out at the wrong time of the day (read after 8pm) or she was just having fun, or just travelling in the “wrong” coach.

    According to the very people assigned to protect us, every women is either a prostitute or just looking for rape to happen. THIS is NATIONAL CAPITAL of INDIA.

    India is not what they advertise. Its not the culture we so dearly say we are proud of. This is what have become of it.
    This disgusting mindset is what India is now.
    And these are the hypocrites that we live with.

    I applaud you Nidhi. U had more guts than all of the people in ur coach combined.

  • 315. Crochet  |  July 4, 2012 at 09:20

    Chandini, sincere apologies for highjacking your blog post. I can’t imagine your inbox right now! Also, thank you for posting the account.

    Thank you to everyone who took the time out to comment, although some had more time than others, I read everyone’s comments and I appreciate the support. I wrote the post to help deal with the trauma and just to have it down out of my head. I appreciate anyone who can read it and realise how convulated matters can become and there is no black and white response. But hopefully it will propel someone into action instead of suffering in silence.

    I can understand that folks will have differing viewpoints and they are welcome to, we all have our opinions, but fact of the matter is when things get incredibly hot you do not know which way you will bend. This isn’t one isolated incident for me. I have been using the public transport for over 2 decades, I have slapped, elbowed, stomped, twisted fingers, screamed, shouted, glared, filed reports countless times. Seriously? I’m tired cause nothing has really changed. The harrassment hasn’t really stopped, and it never will. Strangely the public has nearly always had my back, even if they were indifferent, just never expected them to turn on me that viciously. Lesson learnt. Thank you.

    Its fine and dandy to trump your statements here sitting in the relative comfort of your homes and be judge and jury on me. But things take on a different perspective when the shiz literally is flying. Stop kidding yourselves.

    I would love to sit and do this the whole day, but real life calls.

  • 316. Sivana  |  July 4, 2012 at 10:25

    I feel what you did needs alot of courage, I personally have felt that there should be no seperate spaces in the metro.

    I have had a bad experience in general compartment in Mumbai train too where the men wouldnt stop staring and told me to go to the womens compartment even though the train was empty and I usually hopped on the train just so i could make it to my destination in time!!
    We just have to deal with all this all the time and then we are alone the reason responsible for all this!!
    Its pretty crazy… U did good, very good
    And trust me you are not alone…

  • 317. Sudarshana Srinivasan  |  July 4, 2012 at 10:36

    Delhi is peopled with idiots! Complete hooligans! I agree with you when you say that getting a separate coach for women is no solution to their safety!! It’s the savages whom we need to get rid of! They don’t give a fat rat’s ass about who they’re talking to and how they’re addressing people. A large part of the Delhi men are absolutely OBNOXIOUS and DISGUSTING!! And the women just stand around and watch them be so. At the end of the day, no one really blames the actual trouble-makers. They just get away scot-free. It’s rather frightening to think that the entire bloody country is run by such thick-skinned, repulsive people! It’s absolutely appalling! Thank you so much for sharing this. You did the right thing by staying on that metro. No one had ANY right to ask you to de-board the train. Such people should be tortured and then shot in the head. There really doesn’t seem to be any solution to these uncouth people! Kudos to you for taking the right decision!

  • 318. irritated  |  July 4, 2012 at 11:22

    just read the blog, please stop commenting-all of which merely sound like a pathetic drunken argument at some delhi farmhouse party-“tu mere daddy ko nahin jaanta””tujhe pata hai mera baap kaun hai”-
    shut the fuck up, if you want to write an essay start your own blog! and what the hell is a ‘dark comedy’

  • 319. Uberschizo (@Uberschizo)  |  July 4, 2012 at 11:25

    Bravo to your friends friend.

    I’m seeing a lot of “dont call us assholes if we act like assholes, because then we will continue to act like assholes” emotion here, I wonder why,



  • 320. Sahil  |  July 4, 2012 at 11:26

    The person concerned had every right to stand their ground. It is disgusting how men will blame fighting with each other over women. We’ve been conditioned on the “Saari duniya ki fasaad ye ladkiyan hain” line since our childhood. See two men fighting? Must be because of a woman.


  • 321. anil khanna  |  July 4, 2012 at 12:10

    during peak office hour around 10ish in 2011,when i reached the door to detrain,my brain processed that a passenger who was standing next to me hit a severe elbow blow on my temple.after 2-3 seconds,when i recovered,i noticed elbow of the person who was wearing half sleeve shirt.but the distance of almost half foot gave him benefit of doubt.immediately thereafter,train halted at the kashmirigate station and i got down.it was an organised attack with mili-bhagat of co-passengers.

  • 322. Archana  |  July 4, 2012 at 12:17

    I spent about 10 years traveling in Mumbai local trains – spending 2-3 hours of my day in the train. And when i traveled at odd hours in the opposite (nonpeak hour) direction the ladies compartment especialyl first class was always empty and more dangerous to be in. I always traveled and felt safe in the gents compartment. Yes, men constantly stare and give you those dirty looks and you know they are picturing you naked while they are gazing at you. But you know that if there is a situation, people are more than happy to ‘participate’ and ‘help the lady’ involved. I have faced some bad incidents in the train with eve teasing by men and other men actually stood up for me. Please remember this is not a Mumbai v/s Delhi debate. But I do think on an avg the Mumbai Local trains are safer.

  • 323. anil khanna  |  July 4, 2012 at 12:38

    during peak office hour,around 10ish,when i reached the door to detrain,my brain processed that passenger standing next to me hit a severe elbow blow at my temple.recovering after 2-3 seconds i noticed elbow of the person who was wearing half-sleeve shirt.distance of almost half foot gave him the benefit of doubt.immediatly,thereafter,train halted at kashmirigate station and i got down.it was an organised attack with milli-bhagat of co-passengers.

  • 324. Varun  |  July 4, 2012 at 12:46

    I didn’t make it through all the comments, but read about half of them. Not commenting on this incident per se, but about changing mindsets which a lot of people mentioned. Its surprising that the men who did not come forward to help are being described as chhakkas (presumably more womanly than normal) or outright as girls. And as far as I could read, both men and women have made these comments. So, anyone who is a coward/is not brave, is automatically a woman. And as long as the perception is that women are weak creatures that can be messed around with, I don’t see the problem going away. Mindsets need to change at a way more basic level first in my view. Even women’s mindsets.

  • 325. feminist  |  July 4, 2012 at 12:49

    I have travelled in the Delhi Metro. There should be a guard with a gun in every coach. Wonder what he did on this occasion? We all feel this rage at one point in time or another…The mob does not have a feeling, mob does not have a head or brains for that matter. Its that one/two bastard coupled with some uneducated (there’s a difference in literacy and education!) goons who must have started this…fact of the matter is…unless we feel victimised no one can make us feel that and thats what I respect in you. Atta Girl

  • 326. Raj  |  July 4, 2012 at 13:25

    No surprises here. India is a society where even the educated class is murdering its female child before they are even born.

    Also security is non-existent on Delhi Metro.

  • 327. TemperTemptress  |  July 4, 2012 at 14:35

    This is outrageous. As a society we’re just a bunch of perverse hypocrites with a misplaced value system. I applaud the strength of this girl. She’s right when she says that it’s not about what she wore/ wears or which coach she was in/ wasn’t. she has a right to be wherever she wants, and in whatever attire she wishes. That gives no one the right to violate her – physically or verbally.

  • 328. Sneo  |  July 4, 2012 at 15:16

    Bravo! My whole life has been in Bangalore and I haven’t experienced anything on this scale. But everytime I was in a socially disrespectful situation, I have made a quiet exit. With I had the guts you did. I am glad you stood up for yourself.

  • 329. rachit mudgill  |  July 4, 2012 at 15:20

    i have started to hate this country all the more after reading this article of truth …its a shame on the community which teaches others about dignity and respect but have forgotten about it themselves. its a shame … i think we should get bodyguards in metros now or cops in each cabin to ensure safety from these rowdy mofo’s

  • 330. Monika  |  July 4, 2012 at 15:28

    First of all hats off to d gal who faced dis and done what is actually right. But m not shocked coz dis is all I can expect from men.. Everynow and den I keep on hearing d comments in public places dat “auraten dubo degi desh ko.. Ik sonia gandhi baithi h ik ye h..( and points at any women who works in dose public offices)”.. And I so much want to say tera manmohan impotent h kya?? But d only prob is most of d gals dont dare to face and give an answer to dem.. We have to stand up and say NO!!!! We are equal…

  • 331. Kiran S Rize  |  July 4, 2012 at 15:35

    You are Endearing, Courageous & Cuz your A Loveable human You stood up to the Shit, stood in that Train and made the others feel their ignorant pain .( Men & Women)
    To heal from what you have experienced is though but in You & I see that Ray, which we need much today , I Love your Status on Integration & not segregation . Its a Pleasure to Support you in your Endeavor & when ever you drive by my way(Bombay or when i chance a to visit Delhi) wud be a pleasure to meet with you, the Grand Human that’s is You .
    Inspiring & full of Heart that’s the Amazing being you Are
    Salute to you.:D

  • 332. Susan  |  July 4, 2012 at 16:01

    Kuddos to you for not stepping out!!

  • 333. Sunita  |  July 4, 2012 at 16:08

    Read the stroy and comments also.
    To summarize the whole incident-
    1. She should have got down at AKDM station where those two hooligans drpped and reported the matter to DMRC staff. Then, things would have been different.
    2. I agree that there should not be separate coaches for females and at same time few seats reserved in other coaches. Then we talk of gender equality and so on.
    3. Even our politicians and senior cops have shown there disability to protect women etc during late nights. Dont expect much help from anyone travelling along with u when needed. There are very few among us who have the courage within which can be shown when needed.
    4. Take this as bad dream and try to overcome this ugly incident and carry forward your thoughts for some other incident which will happen in future because this is called LIFE.

    • 334. Sumit M  |  July 4, 2012 at 19:07

      Separate coach for women is required becasue all men are not gentle man… few are……… I had demanded this 4 years back because during Trade Fair girls are being teased by Mob….. &&&&&&
      Mob have no face , always remember apni jaan sab ko payri ho ti hai …
      so nobody will come to secure you but you have to protect yourself ….. thnx

  • 335. Ankur Mehta  |  July 4, 2012 at 16:26

    LOL!! Some people take Internet fights just waaaaay too seriously these days!! ROFL!! But, thankfully, I have a job and wasn’t born with the luxury of sitting at home and pretending to be valiant (pseudo) feminists as some of the “guys” over here who abuse me with their hollow words and non existant logic.

    Apni chutiyappa leke tum apni gaand mein ghusaon, saalon!

    And idiots, do remember one thing: pretending to be a feminist before women has NEVER got ANY man laid. EVER. With this, I sign off! :-)

    • 336. Aaj Ka Mard  |  July 4, 2012 at 22:17

      Awwww! Chubh gayi tereko? Apparently you don;t have a job and have ample time to defecate post after post and then when you get your shit handed back down to you, like a lil girlie you cry mommy!

      I’m getting laid as I type this. *wink*

      • 337. Ankur Mehta  |  July 9, 2012 at 02:12

        Hopefully with your mommy? Oh wait! That was actually me! Nine months before she took the biggest shit of her life! And you were born!

  • 338. Sumit M  |  July 4, 2012 at 18:49

    All of you – there is a emergency button on every gate in metro . you can press and talk to driver ask for help of “CISF FORCE ” . They will definitely help you.

  • 339. AB  |  July 4, 2012 at 18:58

    So! Nothing against you dear Nidhi. You have gone through hell. However, please take a moment and think – Why you wrote this kind of article now. What changed?
    Yeps, you went through the ordeal and you decided to voice the opinion. This happens more often than one would think. Why wait so much to raise your voice (I do raise my voice, BTW).

    Please don’t wait to raise your concerns until you are at the receiving end.

    – AB

    • 340. ~nm  |  July 4, 2012 at 21:11

      AB – First of all I didn’t go through this ordeal. You are NOT reading properly. First read and then we will talk.

    • 341. Aaj Ka Mard  |  July 4, 2012 at 22:14

      Why wait so much to raise your voice!? Koshis toh kar bhai…. samajhne ke liye!

      The girl spoke up at the incident and then came home and typed her account… well not immediately home but you get the picture. You didn’t agree with her actions, its cool. But quit asking why this and why that like you give a shit! If you gave a shit you wouldn’t be sitting and trying your best to pull down an individual who did what she thought was best at the time.

      Gads! Give her a break!

  • 342. JustMyThoughts  |  July 4, 2012 at 19:16

    First of all, I would like to point out that the 1st guy DID the right thing by intervening. Did you ever think that he might, just might *(just)* have just talked about the ego issue after a surprise retaliation from the molester?

    That statement did serve the purpose of his intervention- to divert the attention from the girl. Right? Could have spared categorizing him- the same as the molester; both being “assholes”?

    Let me give you something to think about. What if- just if- this guy had done something similar in the past (molesting of some sort, maybe) and then learnt his lesson now? Maybe, the only reason he intervened? (Agreeing with your point that almost nobody helps in a situation like this. The crowd just stands and watches.)

    Personally, I have done some horrendous things in the past which I thought at that time to be OK but now I realize are so deeply wrong. Does it make me an asshole that I learnt my lesson? This is a bit off topic but I a giving you something to think about. Did you really put in much thought before blaming Guy 1? I am not taking any sides, just saying give it some thought!

    And for those supporting/fighting against the guy here- you need to realize, this girl went through a very bad incident.She wrote this in a pretty fucked up mood. I do sympathize with her and that it should not happen to anyone. But I would urge her to see read the first few lines of my reply over again.

    I do think however, that getting into physical fight was not the right thing to do. As soon as guy 1 did that, the whole thing turned just into something else.

    The crowd mentality sucks. I can tell you for sure, if there were people who supported the girl and did understand the actual reason wouldn’t have had the balls to stand up against the crowd. This is not a movie, please stop expecting something that isn’t realistic.

    I know this is fucked up and shouldn’t have been there- but get real. The sooner you understand it, the better off you would be.

    I totally appreciate the girl though for sticking up there and travelling all the way instead of just getting off mid way and taking the next metro. That was really brave and a sign of a strong person.

    And to the fighting above- to the girl who was fighting, if you really talk/feel being oppressed as a woman- then you are already succumbing to it- you are as much responsible for this fucked up discrimination that you see.

    Unless every woman sticks it up for herself and stop talking about being oppressed- things won’t change. The girl sure had balls, that she stood up even after the confusion/fear that prevailed during the time. THAT is what you need to instead of fighting an internet battle.

    P.S: I don’t support the guy in the fight either. Just stated my thoughts. I am not taking a claim on the innocence/guilt of the guy 1.

    Just saying, put a little bit thought and don’t categorize him same as the molester atleast.

    • 343. Aaj Ka Mard  |  July 4, 2012 at 22:09

      “Did you really put in much thought before blaming Guy 1?”

      Oh… so she was supposed to stand there and think while something ugly was about to go down that hmmm… maybe the guy is really an anti-hero because his mother didn’t love him and he needs the benefit of the doubt… are you shitting me!?? Just because an asshole spoke up stop garlanding him!! The event apparently took place in a matter of moments and you imbeciles are now asking if a woman should THINK and DELVE into a strangers past as he proceeds to start fighting.

      I think YOU need to stop watching action flicks starring Salman. Really.

    • 344. D  |  July 5, 2012 at 13:54

      I get what you’re saying and the part about understanding that the guy 2 could be considered a little better than the perpetrator is right. Here’s my only problem: “unless women stop talking about being oppressed- things won’t change”: yes action from women is important. But the minute we stop talking about oppression is the day we either: 1. are completely on equal footing as men, or 2. when we’ve given up hope.

      Whining is not the solution but neither is silence. So if a woman, or even a man, feels oppressed then the more they talk about it, the more people become uncomfortable and understand it is a problem. of course, action should not be stopped or sidelined for empty words and yes women should stand up for themselves. But before we can expect that, we should create an environment where they feel safer doing so.

  • 345. Sanjeev  |  July 4, 2012 at 19:35

    Its really bad for Metro.

  • 346. Ranjeet  |  July 4, 2012 at 20:00

    I felt extremely sorry for this event.. and the crowd must have supported the girl . However in a developing country like India , people still have not developed decency towards women. At present stage it is a better solution to avoid empty general coaches rather than, she could have gone in female coaches. India still needs time to be a country where women are fully safe but by that time our ladies should not risk their security like this..

  • 347. Sarafraz S Johl  |  July 4, 2012 at 20:09

    All I can say is Bravo that your friend didn’t get off at any intermediate stations, which probably, most women would have done. Knees shaking is just due to adrenaline rush in one’s body and not due to fear. The cowardly behavior of both men and women isn’t unbelievable, in-fact quite as expected.

  • 348. Sudarshan Ramakrishna Chetlur  |  July 4, 2012 at 20:14

    Pathetic! People will never improve. This is absolutely undone! Can’t imagine. But I say hats off to your conviction. Keep it up lady! Remember – you are the best the way you are because the ALMIGHTY made you that way…

  • 349. Manna Kettles  |  July 4, 2012 at 21:47

    I am now in the US. Do you know why? Because I was alone in my country. Im friendly ,I am a nice person, I am a strong woman and the men around me couldnt handle my independence. They called me names.. I packed and left. Leaving behind everything known and loved. My journey has been lonely and painful but I stand strong today. The experience you had was horrific I agree, but writing this has been courageous. You are not alone. Just that people who love you and care about you were not there at the moment. I am a published author. Wrote a very strong book. I was telling a friend the other day, my next book is going to be titled : ‘The Penis is just another body part like the toe nail’.

  • 350. Srishti  |  July 4, 2012 at 21:52

    i just saw this post on fb it was shared by Kiran Bedi.. i wanted to give my 2 cents..
    i take this VERY route everyday…
    Your post was very frightening yet i know its possible n i know its realistic..
    i hope the men and women who are reading ur post … channel their verbal reactions into actions when and if something like this ever happens..(God forbid).

    Sincerely hope this does not happen to ANYONE ..EVER AGAIN~

    Hope ur friend’s friend is alright!

  • 351. sb  |  July 4, 2012 at 23:03

    If it was any one of those mens daughter?would there reaction still be same? Obviously not. Don’t get me wrong but there’s nothing wrong with separate coach for women. At least in peak hours it’s very much needed. Even 60+ men abuse girls, they should know they would be dying in few years. But what do you think all women are good? In Mumbai women only tore the clothes of a college girl because she was in the wrong train. A disabled girl gets raped in general coach when there were enough men inside the compartment. Indians are great. We’ve grown selfish in recent years. We’ve become narrow minded.

  • 352. Pankhurie Gupta  |  July 4, 2012 at 23:11

    It’s surprising that even a single passenger didn’t speak up..!! it was right of you to stand firm at your place! Even I have faced abuses by men numerous times complaining how girls shouldn’t travel in other coaches when there’s a whole coach booked for us! As if it’s all our fault and it’s us who have made the women’s coach! Yet, none of them were as horrifying as yours..

    Still I feel women’s coach is a wise idea.. in a crowded metro, it’s better to be in a coach filled with women than to get eve-teased/harassed by sick men who take disadvantage of the crowd and cross limits with female passengers..! It was the only thing the govt could do to minimize such incidents in metros..

  • 353. gv  |  July 4, 2012 at 23:51

    In a country where politicians and even cops blame a girl’s clothes or her being out at night for her being molested ……a place where even 9/10 year olds going to school in their uniforms face eve teasing ………u dont expect a different reaction from some of the people who are ranting on with strange logic to the post .
    I personally would have gotten off at the next stop but hats off to you for not buckling down .
    And for anyone who might want to argue with this please feel free ,I will not be bothered to respond to them .

  • 354. Karan Lugani  |  July 5, 2012 at 00:13

    Why didn’t you spoke to the driver about the misbehaving ? I think you should’ve done that first. Yes, these things do happen in Metro, You can still track that guy if you’re in the Yellow Lighted Delhi Metro just contact the officials.

  • 355. thepeerless  |  July 5, 2012 at 00:21

    I read and then reread the entire stuff. Read all the comments too and believe me I feel bad for the girl who has faced all these things. I am glad that things were only limited to staring and abuses because Delhi has become really unsafe for women irrespective of their age which is shocking. I have a few questions to ask the girl, or if you can please reply me on her behalf if you can:

    1) When the guy started doing all that harkat, then you had three options

    a) Shout at him loudly such that it shakes the entire compartment ( I have seen girls doing it here in Mumbai Locals and it is awesomely effective)

    b) Next option, you could resort was just kicking the guy on his balls..For the next 30 minutes he would be lying down on the ground and by that time you would have easily and proudly got down of train.

    c) You could have got down on next station. You seem to be very brave girl, so you may not opt for getting down from the station. However, I believe that if you don’t dare to use first two steps, then you must take the third step because standing silently is never a great idea. I stay in Mumbai and I have seen that woman in my city Mumbai shout at the top of their lungs if something like that happens to them. It’s mentality problem. There is no problem with the government but we are responsible for cheap mentality. Indian middle class tends to avoid getting into problems because they believe that they would not be getting anything out of it… As I said until we change the mentality nothing can be done. We keep saying that we are giving equal rights to women and that they deserve more respect but what about trolls on women daily on all social media websites. What about the harassment they face.. Our’s is a male dominated society and until Men don’t understand that women are an integral part of Society rather than just an “Object” we may always come across such incidences.

    Let it be, now since you didn’t take any action once he started doing those “Assholic” things…, train moved and the guy who I don’t think was completely an “Asshole” tried helping you….thereafter, there was a fight.. I got the story till this point.. I agree that everything was pretty quick and you may not be able to take right decision whether to get down the train or not but miss when those 50 bastards kept passing remarks then why were you standing there… I compliment your bravery that you were taking them head on but I ask why … My father always says ” When you fight pigs in mud, then you both get dirty and ironically Pigs love getting dirty.. Those men were Pigs in this case and by arguing with you were just wasting your time and undergoing the mental harassment. what could have avoided had you considered them a piece of shit and ignored and moved on… See miss, In our life time and again we come across many assholes, we have a choice to either break their balls or just move on… You should have just left that compartment… Just say no to Bull shit..

    You are a girl and you had to face this, unfortunately it has become a common case but as a 16 year old guy I had to face a gay… He found me at an isolated place and kept saying “muh mein dena” I still recall how I passed those moments… I told that bastard if anything happens now then my father will kill him and he was bloody scared, that day If I recall I had ran faster than Usain Bolt would ever run in his life . I empathize with you and feel bad. But we can’t do much unless the bullshit mentality of people changes… I have become thick skinned now because I have realized people out there don’t give a damn. I don’t ask people to do so but in the coming years we will see far more practical people because we as humans are forgetting that we have got something called as feelings.. In your case, those 50 men turned stones when those 2 guys fought but came to life when they had to insult you. It feels bad that we have such men in our society. Shame…..

  • 356. ashutosh  |  July 5, 2012 at 00:46

    The crowd in the metro is sometimes pathetic… Either they are cowards or their ego is stopping them…but never will they step forward to help. Other than a few exceptions, I too have faced many such situations. I’m just a normal guy who has just got into college. When I try to object to people behaving in an unappropriate manner..the usual response is..”Aaj-kal ke baache aise hi hote hain…koi tameez nai hoti hai…kuch bhi bole chle jate hain” …what the fuck!?! And me being raised in a family where values and ethics are stuffed into me….I don’t feel comfortable cursing elders…but seriously…damn u fucking people with cheap mentalities and greedy thinking! Someday they’ll experience what it feels like to be in a shitty situation…till then…just ignore these assholes…

  • 357. metalboy  |  July 5, 2012 at 05:45

    I wish i could explain statements like these as outbursts of emotion but it is something else entirely.
    It seems that people want to stand up for certain issues but there is a certain totalitarianism about their attitudes.
    Incapacility of engaging in a rational conversation is a national problem in particular of the youth.

  • 358. gaurav  |  July 5, 2012 at 11:59

    Shamefull… Dissapointing..Even tough i belong to north india n stayed in delhi for quite a some time.. I have been to Pune B’lore Mumbai n stayed their ppl used to sumwhat displike delhi..n trust me m in the same league now… HEY PPL GET LIFE GROW UP N LET LIVE… Pleasseee.. their is more in life then aggression n baap ka paisa.. Pleasse give respect to ladies..unless n until no nation no state can grow.. So please.. B HUMAN B A REAL MAN..RESPECT LADIES…

  • 359. ravi  |  July 5, 2012 at 12:39

    This is a fucked up 3rd class country with a fucked up attitude of most of the men. 3rd class country like india will only change after a war. We don’t know to value life first…

  • 360. Neeraj Kumar  |  July 5, 2012 at 15:10

    I personally am against violence, but I believe just to be prepared for helpless situations like these, women should carry a pepper spray.If its perfectly normal for an asshole to harass a woman, down the lane it should be perfectly normal for women who want to stand up for themselves to use a pepper spray for her own protection.
    I would have suggested a tazer, but unfortunately our respected government decided that no citizen can carry it unless he/she is a cop.
    First do not provide an environment of security inside the nation and then restrict citizens to protect themselves.Beat that!

  • 361. Ananya  |  July 5, 2012 at 15:37

    Hi Crochet,
    I notice that a lot of people here are contributing with coulda-shoulda-wouldas. And a lot of people are indulging in side-battles like the 2 men in your train.

    People – get this…. she was in a situation where she didnt have the luxury of making a rational decision. Sure, maybe she shouldve pressed the red button, Maybe Neo shouldve taken the blue pill, whatever.. this is just her expressing what she did and felt at the time.

    I find these attacks directed at her insensitive and uncalled for. Sure that dude got up to help her…. but his very next sentence was “talk to her any way u want… but dont talk to me like that”. Just how he had his sudden turnabout…. i’m sure she also initially thought he was kind for standing up for her… and then AFTER the argument turned into something else, felt that he was an asshole.

    Anyone who says that she shouldve stopped the fight between the 2 guys is out of their minds. Have you ever seen a fight where grown men beat each other till they start bleeding?

    And the people on the train – unpardonable! Its “her fault” that they fought and that dude’s nose was broken? If he didnt have such a large ego… and had said something like “madam aap yeh side aa jaaiye” and ushered Crochet to another side, away from the perv…. his nose would be intact and this blog post wouldnt hv been written.

    And why should she get into the ladies compartment? The “general” compartment is called “general” for a reason. Do we need to bring out a dictionary to prove that General is not equal to Men? Saying that she deserved what she got because she was in the general compartment is akin to saying that a woman got raped because she wasnt dressed conservatively enough. She was violated because that man was an asshole and the people in the train were apathetic to her situation. They gathered up the courage to speak only when they realised it was one defenseless girl….as opposed to a menacing nose-breaker.

  • 362. corin  |  July 5, 2012 at 17:43

    salute to that girl who was der in that train
    The love of democracy is that of equality.but still we men think that men r gr8 men r god . we should love each other . help each other .and f*** thesekinds of citizens

  • 363. anoop  |  July 5, 2012 at 18:32

    Nidhi, it was disheartening and I felt utterly disgusted to read about your bitter experience a few days back. Even more bewildered at how the people around ya reacted to the situation and made you the scapegoat. Well our capital has been synonymous to such primitive acts on women. Next time you or for that matter any girl experiences such a thing use your hands and beat the crap out of the guy. Ni guy can dare touch you in retaliation and ensure that you hurt him where it hurts the most. And trust me the guy will not be in a position to do anything for a while.
    however, I would disagree with you on women not having exclusive coaches/compartments. Will write later as I have lot of work pending right now. Buy take my suggestion seriously.

  • 364. Deepika  |  July 5, 2012 at 18:58

    I can feel blood gushing up my face as i read this. At whoever, has gone thru this, i admire your guts to have stood in the same coach and withstood all the humiliation. You are the real hero. Shame on the entire lot of them who were in the train gaping at what was happening without helping. ‘

  • 365. swap0  |  July 5, 2012 at 19:05

    ridiculous! Seems like a make up story. I simply cannot believe everyone shouting on the girl, our society hasn’t stooped so low as described. If that guy was standing next to you, you could yourself have stood at some other if that wouldn’t have hurt your ego.
    Secondly, i couldn’t get whether 1st or 2nd guy was standing before you by your statement, “Another guy standing to the front us says to 1st guy, when she’s asking you to move why don’t you just move?
    2nd guy says, what is it to you? You are her what?”
    last statement seems compatible for 1st guy, not for 2nd. I think you mistakenly wrote 2nd for 1st guy!!
    anyway, according to your comments (Cachet), you were not brave to counter those men fighting but you were brave enough to walk into general coach and thinking that woman rights will act as a shield for you, knowing there were no other woman.
    but at last it didnt seems to be realistic, i cannot believe not even a single person coming forward for your rescue.

    • 366. Archana R  |  July 5, 2012 at 19:16

      The problem is, actually, the common man, the people like you who think “women’s rights” are something mythical to be used as a shield, instead of, you know… something that should actually exist.

      Going into the GENERAL coach is not a privilege, man. Why do you think it is? Women should not step in there unless they’re in groups? What? Why? It’s part of a public medium of transport. What parts of the city are women allowed in alone? Should we demarcate areas? Maybe time frames as well?

      And you’re also one of the people blaming the girl in this scenario, why is it so hard to believe the other bystanders did the same?

      • 367. swap0  |  July 6, 2012 at 18:22

        AR : Going into general is not privilege but you need to understand there should be a certain level of vigilance and precautions need to be taken while moving through places where you are not at par with your adversary. just being adamant of your rights without yourself doing anything but expecting others (that too stangers) to help you will be mere foolishness.
        This incident is hard to swallow as it involves “too” bad depiction of our society. In a city like delhi, people from every walk of life travel through metros, people of different background, different thinking, status, etc. but not “even one” was there to console the girl. and people not even stopping the fight in the metro coach is also too hard to comprehend.

        • 368. Aaj Ka Mard  |  July 6, 2012 at 18:41

          HAHAHAHA! Listen to this imbecile! Traveling in the metro is akin to “not (being) at par with your ADVERSORY ” !!! Sheer genius moron. So for women stepping out of their homes is like going to war.

          Hmmmm. Wow. You are actually right! Dude, I take back the snark.

          I love your seeing eye dog by the way who is typing on your behalf, cause you must blind you poor lil thing! You obviously cannot read all the women narrating their own incidents of such treatment, or all the accounts of rape and molestation in the newspapers… where public stood by and watched unaffected.


    • 369. Aaj Ka Mard  |  July 5, 2012 at 20:34

      This is a made up story. You caught on! I applaud your keen ability to distinguish fact from fiction simply by reading, analyzing and then discrediting everything you read cause according to you things like harassment, victim-blaming, mob-mentality, general assholery are only potrayed in movies. Real life is all sunshine and sweet flowers and you probably travel to work on a white horse… grow the fucking up moron!

      Stop typing. Just because you can put two words together doesn’t mean you have to!

      • 370. tormentedminds  |  July 6, 2012 at 11:52

        Agree with swapnil.. the story has loopholes. Anyway u could improve fiction writing. You kept the suspense but your version of this plot seemed to incredible. In today’s society girls are a respected lot except for a few uneducated hooligans. Secondly when you are travelling in a general compartment you cannot unexpect this kind of behaviour. Its all right to have your freedom but a little caution on your part wouldn’t have hurt anyone. And if you are such a fanatic supporter of women’s rights which i presume is the case then it no way means that you perform foolish acts and expect the world to treat you justly. Know your own weaknesses and instead of bawling out on the internet on what happened learn to be tough. Expecting the lion to not eat you just cause you are veg is stupidity. Society always in general respects girls. Whenever a boy misbehaves a girls most people interfere. Even in some cases when the boy is not at fault people still like to take the girls side…

        • 371. Archana R  |  July 6, 2012 at 15:26

          “You kept the suspense but your version of this plot seemed to incredible. In today’s society girls are a respected lot except for a few uneducated hooligans.”

          HAHAHAHAHA. You make it so clear you have no idea what it is like to be a woman travelling alone in Delhi. Because, it is a fact that every woman, yes, EVERY WOMAN in Delhi has had a terrible experience where she has not been “respected” by everyone but a few.

          “Secondly when you are travelling in a general compartment you cannot unexpect this kind of behaviour. Its all right to have your freedom but a little caution on your part wouldn’t have hurt anyone. And if you are such a fanatic supporter of women’s rights which i presume is the case then it no way means that you perform foolish acts and expect the world to treat you justly.”

          I don’t know why I’m bothering trying to reason with you, but here:

          Why do you think the ‘general’ compartment is called the ‘general’ compartment exactly?
          [sarcasm] It’s OK to have a ‘little’ freedom, but obviously, walking into the general compartment of a public train is too much freedom and downright foolishness. If anything happens to her after that, it’s her own fault. [/sarcasm]

          Spare us your privileged opinion, oh mighty one.

          • 372. tormentedminds  |  July 6, 2012 at 17:32

            GOOD.. atleast you know how to quote… you are a whiny little girl. I didn’t justify whatever happened to you or your friend. When a person doesn’t lock the doors going out of his house its his freedom to do so but he is bound to be a victim of burglary and it would be considered an act of high level foolishness.

          • 373. Archana R  |  July 6, 2012 at 21:22

            @tormentedminds I whined about what exactly?

            Are you seriously quoting the “Akeli ladki khuli hui tijori ki tarah hoti hai” line at me? You’re basically suggesting that if a woman goes out alone it is an act of foolishness?

            Hmm…. So, if I want to go out somewhere what do I do? Ask my male friend to accompany me? Or patiently wait in my demarcated ‘Ladies’ area? Otherwise, of course, bad things can happen to me anytime. And when they do all I have to do is be unsurprised and think, “Well, damn, I really should never do anything alone again. Because I am a woman, I should have expected it.”

            Outrage is a good thing. It’s not whining, it’s not complaining, it’s about standing up for oneself. That’s how things change. Instead of sitting back and saying,”Well, that’s how things are. You should’ve known better.”

          • 374. tormentedminds  |  July 6, 2012 at 22:29

            “Are you seriously quoting the “Akeli ladki khuli hui tijori ki tarah hoti hai” line at me? You’re basically suggesting that if a woman goes out alone it is an act of foolishness?” … did you even bother reading my comment?? or u have a problem in comprehending what i have to say? firstly there wasn’t an absolute necessity for which you had to travel in general compartment and as i said earlier you are plain stupid. You don’t understand the meaning of caution and the place where it should be exercised. Be Mature..!!

      • 375. swap0  |  July 6, 2012 at 18:04

        Dumb! i didnt say that they are only portrayed in movies but this incident is too good or too bad if you prefer the latter to be true. I dont want to go personal but your thought about sunshine flowers and a white horse makes me thinking that you are probably gay but sorry i cannot regard you as one from the feminine lot..
        incidentally your name is funny cause aaj ka mard is not gay except when u are a guy from metros..LOL

        • 376. Aaj Ka Mard  |  July 6, 2012 at 18:32

          Not just a fucking moron but a blatant homophobic bigot as well. Shabaash!

  • 377. D  |  July 5, 2012 at 19:40

    Hi Nisha, i live in bombay… Used public trains & buses for a major part of my life… 3 yers ago i gt a good job with a nice pay…and the first thing i did for mysef, was stop using public transport… I can write volumes on these kind s experiences, and i completely agree when usaid, you are ALONE!!

  • […] this is what pushed me to write this post. Share and […]

  • 379. Nupur  |  July 5, 2012 at 20:39

    Becoz u didnt gave up!!

  • 380. MNupur  |  July 5, 2012 at 20:52


  • 381. Rttu Sharma  |  July 5, 2012 at 22:17

    Though I agree that all this is shame full. I would like to point out that why she didn’t report the incident to the authorities,we women choose not to fight for our rights,file a complain & let yourself be heard. We are at fault to & guilty of encouraging this kind of bizarre behavior Just because all other passengers.I had been through this kind of situation before & I choose to beat the heck out of that man & didn’t care what the other men in the bus said because I was there to protect myself & show the men what I can do, I left that man bleeding so when he arrives home he has to answer to his family queries & hopefully ashamed at what he did.Next time such thing happens have guts to step up ,if you cant fight at least report it
    , ask for help from the people who are there to do there duly, do your part & then see if any help arrives or not.

  • 382. Gitanjali  |  July 5, 2012 at 23:17

    I’m sure it’s not much comfort, but I can assure you a large number of people reading this were NOT wondering what you were wearing, or how you look. I think a lot of people just feel empathy.

    Glad you stayed on the train till your stop!

  • 383. anonymus  |  July 5, 2012 at 23:32

    this is really sad.it just shows the pitiable n pathetic condition of the mindset of what we call ‘THE AAM AADMI’…the so called force of democracy,which is too a hypocrite one..!!!

  • 384. R K Yadav  |  July 6, 2012 at 00:17

    in my opinion this is hypothetical story nothing more than that……….. in metro this is not possible…at all………..this is all to make attraction.

    • 385. Archana R  |  July 6, 2012 at 15:26


    • 386. ~nm  |  July 6, 2012 at 22:11

      I can do noting but laugh at your RKY :) You are living in a dream world. Time to wake up.

  • 387. Mom of A and a  |  July 6, 2012 at 01:40

    Wow! I am a new reader and am so deeply saddened and outraged reading this piece. Thank you for promoting awareness about this.

  • 388. Swati  |  July 6, 2012 at 05:50

    OMG! Am shocked! U did the right thing by not stepping off! And no! Not for a ingle sec did the thought cross my mind whoz the girl or wht ws she wearing..Instead I was thiinking why was anyone nit speaking up? I used to have similar experiences while travelling.. Sigh fifteen years later, though the mode of commute has progresses, apparently, the people n their mentality remains the same :(

  • 389. Aswathi  |  July 6, 2012 at 06:40

    I’m mad! Maybe not as much as when you were writing this but it makes me so mad to read this. It’s sick and disgusting that men behave this way and then talk about respect. There is no need for a womens coach. What is needed is for men to grow the fuck up and have some shame.

  • 390. amitken  |  July 6, 2012 at 08:40

    hey chandani,
    just got to your blog (after sooooo many years) through a tweet about this post. and it made me very angry (and ashamed) ..

    kudos to the girl who stood her groud.

  • 391. shikha  |  July 6, 2012 at 12:02

    I went through the same kind of ordeal some time ago.What got to me was the utter insensitivity of all the men around & even a few women.I didnt take it sitting back and gave it to the men right back.Lucky for me though, another girl also pitched in seeing me fight all alone.We even threw a couple of bangles on their faces!(quite melodramatic in hindsight, but felt totally right then!).Called the metro security later who chucked out the guys making all the nuisance.The male attitudes in this city are deplorable, but what was empowering was the way in which I stood my ground.that, and the support from the other girl…being a frequent metro traveller, i know thats a rare sight, but it was great to know that things in this city can change, one woman supporting another woman at a time!;)

  • 392. Ismail  |  July 6, 2012 at 12:23

    I appreciate the spirit and courage shown by you in that situation. I understand the stress you were in and the abuse you faced.
    Sadly, this is a direct result of apathy and disrespect towards women, shown not only by men, but as a society as a whole. Respect for woman should be cultivated right from one’s childhood, at one’s home. Only then it will show in situations like you faced.
    But men these days are exposed to media treating women as just a piece of flesh to sell anything from a car to colas and damn toothbrushes. Movies have atleast one song that has been put just to draw in a crowd. Until this trend changes, a woman will not be seen with respectful eyes.
    Until our society as a whole puts in an effort to clean up, individual men will feel entitled to do whatever they want to any woman who is not their mother or sister (Yes, i intentionally left out the wife, because she is the one that gets more abused than strangers).
    I pray that a day comes when every man will learn to treat every woman with the same respect and love with which they will treat their own mother and sister.
    Also, my two cents, if I may. Imagine we are walking down a lonely road and come across a group of mad, rabid, dirty, stinking dogs. They start to growl and make noise at us and we get nervous. We want to run away, but we know they will start chasing us. We can’t make them understand by barking back. They will start barking more loudly and fiercely and any sane argument will get lost in the noise. And also, we certainly don’t want to get down to their level by using their language. We can pick up a stone and throw at them. They may back off for a while but that may also make them more violent. What you will do is to do your best to ignore them and show no reaction. Showing any kind of reaction will just fuel them. They get their satisfaction knowing that they hurt you.
    You just keep your face straight, head high and move away with dignity. :)
    Cheers and Good Luck….

  • 393. Prateek Diwan  |  July 6, 2012 at 16:26

    Quite a definite account. Kudos. It’s appalling to measure the gravity of the situation, especially at a crowded place such as the metro. In my opinion, you took quite an assertive stand, as it’s your right and defended yourself from the ever-so-assuming audience of our country. I reckon this account needs to be read by the masses of the country, and not only by the internet denizens. There is a definite need for a change in the mindset of the people who claim to be the bright future of this progressive country, within their social outlook if not completely.

  • 394. Bhakta  |  July 9, 2012 at 10:32

    The one guy did say something, did try to help, and got his ass kicked because of it. It’s scary to intervene. Sorry that happened. The first guy was an asshole, the 2nd guy tried but was alone, everyone else were sexist asshole sheep.

  • 395. Anoop Pattat  |  July 9, 2012 at 12:10

    Well.. Now don’t brand me a misogynist or something ,but just want to show you a different prespective aka from a normal male’s pov..

    quoting your own words “I try to turn away and ignore them hoping they will stop and quit being assholes. But it escalates. The other passengers are watching but not really doing anything to stop the fight.”

    How are you different from any other passengers ? especially when you are the reason , may be not directly but indirectly , the root cause of the fight? and are you not being a hypocrite when you are blaming others passengers for not really doing anything.

    From a male point of view, your apparent apathy towards the man who apparently spoke up for you , is precisely the reason men do not interfere in such things . And i doubt your reaction would have been any different had he fought because the other guy was showing disrespect towards you than to him (speaking from experience)

    • 396. Rads  |  July 9, 2012 at 19:02

      “different prespective aka from a normal male’s pov”

      Thankyou anoop. time and again on this page men like you have come and only looked at those facts that seem to be convenient for their ethical digestion and ignored every thing else. The girl is right when she tried to point this out in comments again and again that stupid people really cannot read or tell differenece between when help turns to disregard for her safety. when the helping man said to the harasser that talk to her as you want but treat me with respect why should she care what these two stupid men do to eachther. after this point even I would not give a damn about anyone who didnt give a damn about my safety. infact no one should!!

      I dont think the man who spoke had any intention of helping this girl. he saw a chnace to look good in front of her and did that and when he got insulted he started fighting. i have many male friends and 2 brothers also and i see this behavior in all of them sadly. for men their ego is most important and nothing they will do to stand up for their egos. they will fight and kill also for their egos. a girls respect and safety is not important. if that helping man really gave a shit about the safety and respect of this girl he would have just tried to put the bad guy in his place by telling him to step back and asked the girl to also step away from him. What was the need to fight!?? but men like you and so many on this page do not have the brains to figure this simple thing out.

      To the girl calling herself Crochet, I’m really sorry this happened. I cannot imagine what it must be like to come here and read on top of everything all these stupid comments where men try to justify anothers mans stupid behavoir. men wont understand what it is like for us girls to travel everyday within these environment where you dont know who will try to be a bad guy and who is really a good guy. after meeting so many bad guys can you blame us for doubting even the good guys? No, you do not have that understand cause you have never been manhandled or harassed. you dont have to travel with that fear everyday. but all of you can come here and post stupid justifications for some idiots actions.

      I just wanted to tell you Crochet that I am proud of what you did. you did what you felt at that point the right thing to do. you were acting on your gut and no one has the right to tell ki you should have done this or that or that this was wrong or right. whatever! you had to stand your ground and i respect you for it. dont care anything for these people here telling you nonsense. after reading your story i feel some small courage in me now that i can too stand my ground. some of us support you!! please focus only on that.
      :) rads

      • 397. Anoop Pattat  |  July 9, 2012 at 23:58

        exactly the reply I expected.

        Times now and again i have seen on this page and in real life women like you who only looks at those facts that seem to be convenient for their ethical/moral/ idelogical point of view and ignored every thing else.

        I never condoned people ganging up on her, but was showing you the mass psychology that leads to that type of behavior .

        In this specific case , i asked you what the reaction of your friend would have been if the fight started because guy number one was not fighting for his honor but that of your friend.. Do you honestly believe it would have been any way different?

        Yeah, and woman are not egoistical, ego is a basic nature of human beings .and most of your actions are controlled by ego, either knowingly or unknowingly. So could you please leave that ego part aside?

        ” if that helping man really gave a shit about the safety and respect of this girl he would have just tried to put the bad guy in his place by telling him to step back and asked the girl to also step away from him. What was the need to fight”

        Yeah, you have the benefit of hindsight. it is easy to say you could have done this or that. What if the other man had refused to step back and hit out on him?wouldn’t the fight have started then also ?

        “\after this point even I would not give a damn about anyone who didnt give a damn about my safety. infact no one should!!*/

        So basically you are telling that your saftey is important than everything else, right? Yet you have no qualms about criticizing other people in the train for their in-action ? Aren’t they also entitled to their own safety? Granted that they should not have ganged up on your friend after that.. but going by your own logic they were right in their inaction.

        /*but men like you and so many on this page do not have the brains to figure this simple thing out./*

        Yeah, and a younger me was brainless and naive. but i grew up the day I had to bribe RPF a 1000 INR because , being a chivalrous sentimental fool that i was, helped a damsel in distress who was in a similar condition (or worse) as that of your friend, and when things turned ugly, refused to lodge a complaint or speak up on my behalf.

  • 398. vishesh tripathi  |  July 9, 2012 at 13:08

    all i can think of saying at this particular moment is that:

  • 399. Dental delight. « There's a bit of Jalsa in Jack  |  July 10, 2012 at 17:05

    […] handed it to me and waved good-bye sweetly. He was so much fun and sensitive, he got me thinking that these are the idiots that need special care- in […]

  • […] Our rage is reactive not active – it does little to prevent such incidents as they unfold, and may even abet them. Narrating a sexual harassment experience on the Delhi Metro, a young woman writes: […]

  • 401. Ashutosh  |  July 13, 2012 at 19:00

    I empathise with you. Have been in Delhi and have seen eve teasing. It enrages me, to put it simply. But will this post change anything about me? No. For like the 2nd guy who stood up for you briefly, you address him as an asshole in the post. Different story that it later became about him.

    Plus, even if you are against the idea of women’s coach, you very well know how unsafe Delhi is for women then why not travel in it just to be safe?

    And if you really are enraged and want to send a message, please do more than writing a blog. For most people landing here are anyway educated and most probably respectful of women…. Those who are not, one swallow doth not a summer make

  • 402. sowmya  |  July 14, 2012 at 20:52

    I can actually put myself in the same situation coz i cum across such incidents..! the mental attitude towards a girl has to b brought up in minds of people from very young age..! How can v celebrate an independence day with such a disgusting society around us..?? i stil wonder!!

  • 403. Oh Womaniya | Balancing in Stilettos  |  July 15, 2012 at 01:27

    […] so. For Keenan’s and Reuben’s murderers still roam scot free and girls still get blamed for ‘starting a fight’. I can’t fight with my husband or my parents to stop worrying about me for I can take care of […]

  • 404. Indian  |  July 24, 2012 at 06:12

    If any lesson can be learned from this it is this: if women do not stand up for themselves, nobody else will — not even other women. Carry a can of mace or chilli spray and let loose at any idiot who tries to molest you. Best solution.

  • 405. Why is India so bad for women? « News in Briefs  |  July 24, 2012 at 07:58

    […] June, an anonymous Delhi woman wrote a powerful blog post detailing what happened when she dared not to travel in the “ladies carriage” of […]

  • 406. lizallysmith  |  July 24, 2012 at 11:45

    *Applause*, Well DONE! It’s good that you didn’t get off. Hat’s off, and know that you have the silent and LOUD appreciation of women everywhere. Brillaint!!

  • 407. Why is India so bad for women? | Womens Health  |  July 24, 2012 at 11:56

    […] June, an anonymous Delhi woman wrote a powerful blog post detailing what happened when she dared not to travel in the “ladies carriage” of […]

  • […] June, an anonymous Delhi woman wrote a powerful blog post detailing what happened when she dared not to travel in the “ladies carriage” of […]

  • 409. sage  |  July 24, 2012 at 14:30

    I’m incredibly proud of you. You did it for everyone who hasn’t had the balls to do it themselves. Things like this are why I go to the gym every morning and work out. The last time I got abuse on the train I kicked his lights out. I refuse to be a victim. You are my sister. We’re on the same team. Thank you.

  • 410. raja  |  July 24, 2012 at 14:46

    it is jus not because you have posted the scence in your favourable way, you could sought for innocence… you deserve for that harrass..

    • 411. Jaswandi  |  July 24, 2012 at 22:28


  • 412. PalomaSharma  |  July 24, 2012 at 16:54

    Reblogged this on Going Bananas and commented:
    This has happened to me, to my friends and all their friends. I don’t know why. All I know is that very soon either men will learn to back off or get shot.

  • 413. Mitzie Mee  |  July 24, 2012 at 17:04

    Terrible to read that such things happen. I’ve heard that India is supposed to be one of the worst countries in the world in terms of women’s right and justice.

  • 414. world | Pearltrees  |  July 24, 2012 at 18:22

    […] “I have never felt this alone.” « BoHeMiAn RhApSoDy In an ashram perched high on a hill above the noisy city of Guwahati in north-east India is a small exhibit commemorating the life of India's most famous son. Alongside an uncomfortable-looking divan where Mahatma Gandhi once slept is a display reminding visitors of something the man himself said in 1921: "Of all the evils for which man has made himself responsible, none is so degrading, so shocking or so brutal as his abuse of the better half of humanity; the female sex (not the weaker sex)." One evening two weeks ago, just a few miles downhill, a young student left a bar and was set upon by a gang of at least 18 men. They dragged her into the road by her hair, tried to rip off her clothes and smiled at the cameras that filmed it all. It was around 9.30pm on one of Guwahati's busiest streets – a chaotic three-lane thoroughfare soundtracked by constantly beeping horns and chugging tuk-tuks. But for at least 20 minutes, no one called the police. […]

  • 415. Rohan  |  July 24, 2012 at 18:27

    As an Indian and as a guy, I feel extremely ashamed about how women are treated in our country. And what makes it worse is the way we go about solving these issues. Are our instincts so base and animal-like, that we need to be segregated to avoid mistreating each other. Whatever happened to just having a basic decency and respect towards others.

    I thought it was really brave that you stood your ground and not take shit from those around you. I think incidents like these are becoming a bit too commonplace, and I fear we are becoming insensitive or “used to” these things. We really need to break the pattern, and you did. I applaud you for that!

  • 416. lereflux  |  July 24, 2012 at 19:34

    i come from portugal and witnessed and endured similar behaviour in the 1980s and later. it was just unbearable and the fact that no-one questioned it, that the authorities were complacent, only made it worse. i moved out of the country as soon as i was 18. i am part of the brain drain. the smart, intelligent portuguese women who were my friends, who were top students and now work at top jobs, left as well. india will never progress as a country as long as it continues to allow this segregation.

    bravo for this article and for your courage. men and women need to stand up against this behaviour which is shameful for all.

  • 417. atiwari  |  July 24, 2012 at 21:18

    Before reading your blog I thought that the separate coach for women was a victory and indeed a great safety measure. However, you bring up valid points and I admire your courage and volition to act against the actual reason why a separate car was even needed in the first place.

    While at a bar in the US a similar incident happened to me with a group of Indian men from India who were hoovering close to me the whole night. The second I decided to tell them to back off, and f*** off, they started howling at me to show “respect.”

    I hope you find safely find success in your crusades!

  • 418. D  |  July 24, 2012 at 22:08

    Gosh I am so infuriated about this incident. Sadly I can totally identify with it, having gone through gropers, assaulters (wrongly termed ‘eve teasing’), etc. almost everyday at one place or the other. Changes need to be made at many levels but the worse is when persons in power condone such behaviour and continue the blatantly and violently patriarchal system. Politicians, law enforcement, judiciary and the educational system..changes need to be made immediately in terms of stringent laws, quick implementation and awareness of gender equality. But since none of these will garner vote-bank support, I doubt if anything will happen, during my lifetime. Often, my head hangs in shame because of the gender-insensitive and gender-violent behaviour of men in this country. Shame.

  • 419. deve campbell  |  July 24, 2012 at 23:26

    I’m shocked at this story. I came here while reading about the Guwahati incident. My wife is Indian. I am American. We live in the U.S. but spent a year in Bangalore.

    The common theme of both these incidents: How can people blame the victim? What’s wrong with the Indian men (and women!) who blame the women in either of these incidents?

    Bravo to the woman on the train for standing her ground. Shame on the bystanders who did nothing! You have to speak up – otherwise bullies like the Nazis or the Taliban take over the world.

    • 420. chandni  |  July 25, 2012 at 12:24

      Hi Deve,

      I agree with you. Victim blaming is a concept feminism has been fighting for decades. World over, I see victims of rape having to “prove” they have been raped, and I see a problem in that too. The perpetrators need to be pulled up for even daring to commit these crimes in the first place. And this country has a long way to go before realising that women are also human beings who deserve equal respect if not more.

      • 421. deve campbell  |  July 25, 2012 at 18:06

        Chandni – From a U.S. perspective, it seems like India is about a generation behind the times. Back in the 1970’s we changed the rules regarding rape trials here. Prior to that time, a woman’s reputation would be put on trial every time she accused a man of rape. Now, her background is off limits. Even wives have the right to accuse their husbands of rape. “No means no.” All these rights had to be won for women here, but Indian women – sadly – have to fight these fights for themselves. And I hope they get some help from Indian men. Everybody has a mother, for God’s sake!

  • 422. Gaurav Dutta  |  July 24, 2012 at 23:45

    What happened was most unfortunate….i apologize to you on behalf of all men alike….and you showed great courage by not getting off prior to your destination. i truly respect you for that.
    I hope this serves a a lesson to all those men who think they can do whatever they feel like.
    If u cannot respect your own people, you can never respect your country.

  • 423. Mitul Jain  |  July 24, 2012 at 23:47

    Its a strange country where people burns Ravan statue every year because he dare to harass Sita but in present day they tell that it is Sita who is at fault.. she must have enticed Raavan to harass her.
    People say it is the way a woman dress that cause all these problems.. but of thousands of crimes happened against women how many were wearing modern clothes.. are they completely safe in sari or other traditional clothe.. NO
    So it is not the factor playing here .. it is the mentality of the people.. their “chalta hai” attitude.. lawlessness o the state.. that are to be blamed
    We do not want to fight yet we look for others help when we ourselves in trouble
    We are against the dowry yet we are always curious what our relatives have got as wedding gifts.
    We do not do eve tesing but yet we close our eyes when someone is doing it in front of you.
    We do note care about vote yet we spend almost every day cursing government for one thing or another
    we are against corruption yet we are happy to give traffic constable a 100 ruppee note to get away from challan
    People wake up.. God RAM wouldnt come down on .. and do the magic for you.. getout of those fantasies and start act.. ACT unless its too late..

  • 424. SD  |  July 25, 2012 at 00:28


  • 425. Ghausia  |  July 25, 2012 at 00:54

    For what its worth, I wouldn’t have gotten off either. I’d have stayed there and stood my ground, just like you. You’re a credit to all women, and we need women with your courage to fight this system of patriarchal misogyny that prevails in the sub-continent.

  • 426. An NRI  |  July 25, 2012 at 03:14

    An NRI’s comments.

    Firstly I feel for the woman but good on you for kicking arse!

    Secondly, so India prides itself as the largest democracy? I’m not sure whether to cringe or laugh out loud. I’m sorry to say this but India as a country is pretty backwards. How can a country where a woman’s safety (in 2012!!!) is somewhat at risk call itself the largest democracy? A country where women almost have to take care with how they dress so that they dont receive prying eyes, where women are harassed, molested etc and not one person (even women) step in to help. I’m sorry but such a country should hold its head in shame.

    Is it not embarrassing and shameful for you guys that in this day and age your country has segregation on your public transport? Shameful that when a woman is harassed, molested by a number of men it is, for others, simply an entertainment show?! So a woman should show respect but it’s ok if a man doesnt? What sort of morals are these?

    I’m sorry to say this but I am so glad I am an American Indian. As an Indian woman I’d rather stick to being a tourist in India than living and working in the country. I enjoy my freedom, i like the fact i can dress the way I want – be it in skirts, dresses, shorts, sleeve-less tops etc – and in my country no-one says anything to me. I like the fact that in my country, God forbid but if I feel harassed on public transport or in public, people stick up for me.

    India – you have a looooonnnnggg way to go.

  • 427. lucy  |  July 25, 2012 at 05:02

    I feel so so sorry for this women. I lived in Paris and experienced similar things (in Paris!!!) It is horrible how men do not respect women. I am so sorry for your experience.

  • 428. Quora  |  July 25, 2012 at 09:18

    How bad are things for female travelers/locals in Delhi?…

    This recent article from the Guardian talks about the larger issue sexism in India. The point is that it looks really bad. For large swaths of society, there is a systemic disregard for women. http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2012/jul/23/why-india-bad-f

  • 429. Rahul R  |  July 25, 2012 at 09:39

    I really salute the stand which she had taken against the “pack of barking dogs” during her commute in Delhi Metro. This is one of the reasons why I would never opt for North India – especially Delhi as a place to work in any way possible. Men over there need to have a control over their tongues and hormones.

    It has become a nightmare for women to travel in public transport when such perverted men see them only as flesh. When the public does not give a sense of security to them, it becomes very disheartening. I am posting a news clipping which happened in Karnataka – public support is never available when one desperately needs one.


    • 430. chandni  |  July 25, 2012 at 12:19

      Rahul, I don’t think its a “North India” issue. Its an India issue. Women face harassment at every corner of this country. Remember Mangalore, Bangalore, UP, Guwahati, Calcutta, Bombay? All very recent stories and all speak of this country and our men.

      • 431. Rahul R  |  July 25, 2012 at 20:31

        In a way I do agree that its an All India issue where a lot of men are hippocrates – they do not practice what they preach. But, looking at the crime rates in Delhi and NCR area, we have a different story.

        Rather than people like us commenting on an online platform to vent frustration, nothing is being done to make the system better. When an Aam admi like us try to clean the system, it just become worse than before.

  • 432. Smita Mookherjee Rai  |  July 25, 2012 at 10:22

    I am horrified reading about this incident. When did we become a nation of spineless cowards?

  • 433. F.  |  July 25, 2012 at 16:14

    To the ‘phaddaybaaz’ girl who stood her ground and refused to be punished for other people’s misogyny: Thank you. You are an inspiration.

  • 434. Angelika  |  July 25, 2012 at 17:53

    To the girl all this happened with:
    *Hugs* This was something really horrible that happened, and I wish it didn’t but I just want to say something I AM REALLY PROUD OF YOU! what you did was 100% correct and its because of people like you that I still have hope (inspite of millions of men like those 50 ballless men in that metro who didn’t help you) we will make place where women are safe and respected!

  • 435. arshi  |  July 25, 2012 at 18:17

    It’s shocking and unimaginable… i totally second ur view.. seperate coaches are all but a solution to woman safety… before this system I would easily travel in any coach now i feel unwanted in other coaches, but yet i travel.. in normal coaches coz i am against seperate coach..

  • 436. Roop Rai  |  July 25, 2012 at 20:37

    Guardian mentioned you!!! so proud of you ! :D

  • 437. Bijoy Prakash  |  July 25, 2012 at 22:06

    Interesting how suddenly the dynamic of the situation changes. It’s about respect, not towards me but to his manhood.
    Sufficiently angered they start shoving each other.
    I try to turn away and ignore them hoping they will stop and quit being assholes.

    I agree with everything..But the problem here is that even the person who had the courage to support the woman is being termed an “asshole”.

    God help this girl.

  • 438. Santosh  |  July 25, 2012 at 22:13

    I too got here from the Guardian article.

    The woman involved had every reason to be upset. While it’s easy for us to calmly analyse at our leisure, one can understand that emotions ran high for all involved there, and especially this brave lady.

    Think about it men. If you were a women and this was your umpteenth time of getting harassed just for having taken birth as a particular gender, would you not also run out of patience?

    I do agree with those who’ve said the second guy, whatever might have been his alleged reasons, did (or at least tried to) do the right thing and help the lady. It was just a tragic twist that it had to degenerate into a fist-fight when it could’ve gone in so many other ways.

    The behaviour of the crowd was to my mind the most despicable (but not surprising sigh) part of it all. The harasser, like all harassers, acted according to his nature, but were there not anyone calm enough, decent enough in that large crowd to at least keep quiet, even if they didn’t want to help the lady…!!?

    It’s a fact that in majority of cases of sexual harassment, it’s the male who is the instigator and culprit, so the RIGHT thing for the crowd would have been to separate the fighting duo, restrain them, and either wait for the police or figure out who was the initial culprit and turn him in.

    If this is too idealistic, they could’ve at least tried to assist the lady after the two guys had fled. But no, what they instead did was to vent their collective frustrations and prejudices upon the weakest target that happened to be there, though she wasn’t guilty of any wrong-doing except (again) the fact she was a woman.

    Keep in mind that apparently there were quite a few apathetic women in the crowd too, which is very sad. They at least would have first-hand understanding of what exactly the lady was going through, yet they too remained mute.

    Hats off to the brave lady concerned. She stood up for herself as a human being and there’s nothing to criticise in that.

    Shame on us as a collective nation, especially one that loves to pride itself on it’s morality and spirituality.

    Clearly we humans still have a long way to go before we can even be befitting of our own name.

  • 439. Dev  |  July 26, 2012 at 10:54

    Whoa… that’s a lot of reaction… unfortunately most of it is anger and that too misplaced. Firstly, why put the shame on the country… what did the country have to do with this?? All the zealous people here are probably citizens of the same country and from what may be assumed from their response is that they would have stood up against it!!! So the country surely has some good people left. Please don’t blame the country for everything… a country is nothing but geographical boundaries. A nation is what its people are… people like you and I…!!! There are molestations and rapes in the developed countries like US and UK as well so India is not that sad. Secondly, this only one version of the event and there may be other versions. The reason I bring out the question of perspective is that the present account is full of emotions which very often cloud judgement.

    Don’t get me wrong here, I absolutely do not support this sort attitude although I have grown up seeing this. I am fortunate enough to have a mother and a wife who have both on different occasions slapped/ threatened such stupid characters and even policemen when the situation demanded and am the fortunate father of two angelic daughters. So safety and respect for women is understood very well by me but as a boy growing up in Bihar and Jharkhand (during Laloo’s time), I have also learnt lessons of survival. The most important lesson being that the world does not act as it is supposed to. We must survive in this knowledge that the world we know is not utopia. Bad exists with good and there is a lot of good in this country.

    Please understand that while it is true that teasing and worse crimes are caused due to lack of education (not the same as literacy) and a skewed sex ratio apart from stupid media influences (movies which show the hero passing comments on the heroine before she falls in love with him)… but the real reason is the want to control.

    I think the girl reacted more in shock. Firstly, lets not forget that one guy did interject when the other was misbehaving (even if later he was more conscious about the respect he believed he deserved). Secondly, while it is admirable that she stood her ground and stayed till her station came, she might have considered moving to the next wagon. Thirdly, although segregating the men and women is not a permanent solution, evidently it will have to do as a temporary one till people become more sensitive (although it baffles me why reservations are good when that too may lead to a reactionary anger). Thirdly, rather than shouting at the crowd and abusing it, the girl should have just said that girls are the way they claim because boys are just, plain and simple, STUPID!!!

    Very early in life I had to learn that there people with courage and one’s with ego. The courageous ones have self-respect and act as a human should. The egoists are empty and try to cover it by a show self-respect and at the first instance of any negative comment, they rise to protect their ego. Such people will not open their mouths in fronts of the boys (in fear of being hurt in the process) but will gang up on the ones they deem harmless like hyenas!! There is no point in fighting such people since the point of fighting is winning and these people are already losers. At one point of time I hated them but now, I have to sympathize because somewhere inside they too realize this and rot everyday in this realization.

    So therefore may I suggest to this young girl…. laugh at the two morons who ended up fighting and sympathize or atleast pity the co-passengers but under no condition let any anger or negative feeling stay inside you.

  • 440. RL  |  July 26, 2012 at 11:49

    Got link from the guardian article that has by now become quite known. Just writing here to congratulate NM’s friend for what she did : for staying on in that train-car, for displaying courage in the midst of a crazy battle and above all for writing it all up.

  • 441. aaron  |  July 26, 2012 at 12:26

    i been getn mail updates…apparently u guys have boundless energy to keep up like this..

    anyways the lady in this case has a point…and yes our society n culture is far from helpful…

    and yes we need many improvements which will happen any minute now..since we’ve been waiting for ever ??

  • 442. Nitin  |  July 26, 2012 at 17:36

    Hats off for having the courage. But have you heard of “fools dare where the angels fear”? For all your ideologies of not travelling in a segregated compartment, did you realise you were risking your life for an ideology which works only by evolving mindsets (which inherently is a very slow process)?

    If the jungle is full of beasts, you don’t expect to teach the beasts to show respect. You protect yourself. Things need to change, but till then, till you can see that day, please survive.

  • 443. Akshay  |  July 27, 2012 at 00:44

    My heart is racing as I write this comment. I am a man, all of 26 now, and trust me Nidhi, you are not alone. There are jackasses in this world and there are nice people too. And yes, a few of us have the balls to stand up against any one like this, but the problem is that there are only few of us.

    I wish I could tell you it’ll all be okay, but I know the scars of this event will take time to heal. I don’t believe in God, or I would have told you to trust in him. Just stay strong, you were not in the wrong here. This shall pass too. Walk into that metro with your head held high.

    In the meanwhile, I’ll make sure if something like this happens in front of me, I will take care of it the best I can. I am puny, 5:6, and extremely skinny, but I won’t think twice if I can stand for what is right. That is my promise as a fellow citizen. I just hope that someone around you next time thinks the same.

    – Random Stranger

  • 444. kirti  |  July 27, 2012 at 08:34

    to nidhi…you are not alone, ma’am…and no, while i was readin it, i did not for a moment wonder wat u wore or why u got into tht compartment….ther are other women out here who face this situation and feel the same anger as u do…but i admire u for ur courage in continuing to stay on in tht coach…i would not have done that, my fear n my survival instincts wud hav made me step out in the nex station…and re-board in de ladies compartment…that’s where u stand out, madam…and hats off to ur courage…

    as for the more pressing question about separate compartments, it is true…ideally, we shudnt hav them…but practically, it wudnt work…in a situation as urs, wat if the 2nd guy hadn’t stepped in…the 1st guy wud hav gone on to harass u, to wat extent, we can never b sure of…and even if u resisted, none of the asshole watchin wud hav stepped in, cos they wud say u deserve it for not havin gotten in to de ladies coach…and in de end, u go home with a bitter experience…no one steps in..

    i dnt knw u personally, but i must say, ur blog touched a personal chord in me…and i like u…i admire strong women lik u…please ensure ur safety too…our society needs to change, lets be vocal abt it, but til it gets better, do ensure ur safety in little ways too…

    the mentality of our men n women shud change…the very mentality of our own educated households, which smile wen their young boys gets drunk but scowl wen their young girls do….which joke about college guys groping on women in buses and other systems…which ask u why u r walkin around late at night instead of subconsciously takin it upon themselves to ensure we dont get treated badly..

  • 445. Samanvay  |  July 27, 2012 at 11:02

    Chanced up on this blog through an article on the guardian. Interesting story, I must say. And while I condemn the entire incident, I find the ‘victim’ a little funny. On the one hand she talks about non-segragation and women’s rights and on the other, she says that no one stepped up to help her. Does she consider herself to be the weaker sex? A damsel-in-distress, if you please? Does that not make her sexiest?

    Yes, it is easy to see that the men in the coach were to blame. They are the visible antagonists in this sordid tale of gender-equality (or inequality). But this and other tales like this will continue so long as women keep up the farce of expecting a knight in shining armour to come and rescue them.

    Wake up, ladies. The world is only sexiest because you allow it to be that. It has always followed one who is stronger. Call yourself weak, and you will be ignored. Kick some ass and slowly but surely the world will start respecting you…

    • 446. Aaj Ka Mard  |  July 30, 2012 at 14:55

      Are you retarded? Asking for help is now considered weakness? So the society owes nothing to the individual? If a woman gets molested by 30 men on a busy street it was ok probably by your lofty standards cause she was weak in asking for help and should have just “stood up for herself”. Kick some ass. I wish I could kick yours.

      Drink bleach and die.

      • 447. Samanvay  |  July 31, 2012 at 19:30

        Drink bleach and die. Indeed. I am retarded if I’m qualifying your comment with a reply, but I believe that you have spent time and effort in responding to my comment and the least I can do is explain myself.

        Like I have said before, I’m questioning if the girl in the story considers herself weak. On one hand she talks about gender-eauality, maybe in not as many words, but in spirit, and on the other hand she laments on not being helped.

        The world will be a much better place if people (MCPs and feminists) realise that there’s a difference in the two sexes (not just sexual organs) and it should be cherished. No, I’m not talking gender-specific roles in the home and without. Rather, I’m talking about celebrating the roles of each other to achieve a happier world.

        I was simply highlighting an underlying bias and irony in the entire episode, an elephant in the room.

        • 448. Aaj Ka Mard  |  August 1, 2012 at 15:26

          You are questioning the girl who stood up to an angry mob and didn’t back down, as weak. Dude. Seriously? You are retarded.

          And when did gender-equality become equivalent to not asking for help? Maybe you need to go look up what living in a civilized society means. Two grown men fighting and smashing each others faces and when the crowd turns on the girl, suddenly you are worried about gender-equality. Dude. Seriously? You are retarded.

          Categorizing feminists with MCP’s. Dude. Seriously? You are retarded.

          You missed the elephant in the room. Dude. Seriously? You are retarded.

  • 449. Abhijit  |  July 27, 2012 at 13:08

    Respect to you for not getting off.. U kept reminding all those people of the ‘namard’ness that they had shown..

  • 450. Ram  |  July 27, 2012 at 16:12

    I believe that this is our planet and we are a huge family. Every issue is important and rightful justice must be served. In your case from my view point, what is ridiculously fascinating is that 50 men were ganging up against YOU instead FOR you. I am trying hard to figure out that such primitive mindset is still prevailing in grown up minds living in a metropololitan city. In a country of 1.3 billion people, women should be treated as equals or above men since these primitive minds are still treating them as sexual tool and not as a fellow human being. We need a DYNAMIC CHANGE in the mindset of people and along the same lines, rules with fear need to be enforced at every aspect of our lives and justice need to be served immediately. Lets assume, we have a 911 emergency system. If the victim was so confident that she is been protected by law enforcement authorities, i am sure that those average joes and sexually deprived animal dressed as human being 1 will think twice before creating a scene. There is way too much freedom in india due to which people always misuse it, no fucking difference between educated and uneducated minds. There is too much hypocrisy in our beliefs and it is becoming a cancer. I dont fucking care if someone doesnt believe in my view point because i know i am right. I am going to create a dynamic change in our world that is going to fight against poverty, global warming, eating processed food, buying gas guzzler vehicles, littering, ill- treating animals and humans, energy saving concepts etc… All these events are connected and if we dont enforce it, human civilization is gona destroy each other and our planet. Damage is half way through. Lets fight against a common cause and address every issue with a brilliant solution. Dont fucking feel sorry forever, get over it and create that issue as an opportunity to fix it. Start communities and spread the awareness and globally we can live peacefully.
    Loka samastaa sukino bhavanthu

  • 451. Ram  |  July 27, 2012 at 16:27

    One more suggestion: Please carry pepper spray/ red hot chili powder spray/ swiss army pocket knife or defensive destructive tools if you want to fight against the same issues. Dont expect others to help you out as you already know the answer. We are born single and will die single. Be extremely prepared and think about the worst case always. Beware of your surroundings before you lay your attack.

  • 452. Shantanu  |  July 27, 2012 at 17:34

    I saw a similar situation: One old man was asking a guy for a seat. The guy was sitting in the Physically Handicapped row, but he wouldn’t move- almost shooed him away, until I got up and gave him my seat.

  • 453. prerna  |  July 29, 2012 at 00:44

    oh yes…all women in delhi have been throught that..I love Dwlhi but I hate how they are to their women!!Its time we raise our voices!

  • 454. roughlooks  |  July 29, 2012 at 12:37

    i hope our fellow country men and women learn to respect others… our body is our temple no one has the the right to distraught it…. bible says man is made out of god’s image…. is this how we show respect to god…… learn to look at the good n god in each human being… make this country a safe place to live in

  • 455. Rohit Ramachandran  |  July 31, 2012 at 20:51

    I feel intense sadness after reading this post.

  • 456. Jeremy  |  July 31, 2012 at 23:23

    Have encountered similar experiences on Delhi crossings as well.

  • 457. Priyanka  |  August 4, 2012 at 14:06

    dis is exaclyy what i have been dealing with in past two months probably twice, in blue line towards huda city!! And i was naive to blame myself wen it happened d first time. A Guy wearing glares..stand exactly in front of me , totally blocking my view, i try to read novel/ close my eyes n sleep on it wid music…but nothing helps…after 3 stations my patience gave up!!
    Asked him “u want d seat”?..says “no”…after which i raised my voice n tell him to stand anywhr maintaining a distance,the whole corridor is empty ….no wonder he acts smart n argues…
    the horrible part came wen some hefty…insecure..chauvinist…software engg kind of person carrying laptop…flanked by two other frnds…shouts back in sarcasm…that “bhai tu hi hatt jaa….madam thodi smart samjahti hain apne apko”..!! another says..pointing to a girl next to me…ye madam bhi to hain…inko to koi pareshan nhi kr rha hai”….lol…..was is a beauty-cum-eveteasing competition!!! dickheads!! After few mins. d guy misbehaving disappears frm d scene…and i am found answerable to soo many uncles n guys..!! some whispering n some taunting me….woo!! Niether dat girl..nor any other said anything in support.

    annother incident was related to ladies seat! No wonder d guy was stiting dere widout guilt….on the other adjacent seat a girl was sitting wid her frnds standing next her in front….i boarded…smhow d standing girl gav me a wrong impression dat its she want to get down at next..and i ask d guy to pointing towards ladies seat, to vacate politely…to my surprise, ery confidently n arrogantly, he replies back “ye bhi to khadi hain..inhone to kuch nhi bola”..i said “i dnt know about her…may be she wants to get down next few mins…but watver…u r not supposed to sit here…atleast not me…give d seat to her”….d guy makes faces n murmers..n finally vacates d seat dramatically….saying “agar yahi baat hai to main inko seat dunga”….d girl standing nxt jumps to sit….leaving d guy amused dat he insulted me enuf!
    Niether dis girl…nor her frnd said or supported during d entire argument..nd nor did they fight for themselves..!! I felt like a fool..
    Ignoring d girls…i screamed at the guy who was smiling ear-ear… “r u ctually feeling proud of the fact…dat you ignoring d labels above. which r both in english n hindi..as well as d announcements…occupied a ladies seat…and argued to be proven righteous”?? No wonder he murmured and travelled opposite side of the bogie…
    From both the incidences, what i concluded was…delhiites..espcly girls lack d unity and courage to speak for another…its like “let her argue..fight…shes trying to act smart”..or watevr bullshit. I am not even expecting men to stand up…for obvious reasons…but shame on those sophsiticated girls, reading Jane-Austen and music on i-phone….who think, “I never land up in such situations coz m tactful and confident…why should i loose my dignity n help her”!!
    and even those uncles n aunties…!!
    It can happen to anybody on a very sunny…lucky day…n trust me no amount of tact or sophistications can help….in the situations like above!!
    poeple from outside delhi…hav also sid dat…this trait is exclusively in delhiites…but in other cities like mumbai n kolkatta…..if not many ..atleast few ladies do come-up for your support!!!

  • 458. Anupam Kumar  |  August 10, 2012 at 00:54

    This is disgraceful. Huh, they say our country is very religious, and the people are very respectful. But where? Does our respect for all stay only towards our parents and employers? Huh, what rubbish. Let me tell you where we stand – caste and sex are still highly discriminating factors in our country – does anyone do anything about it? To make matters worse, you oppose disparity, and then you have a bunch of old age idiots who are willing to kill women rather than give them basic rights pull you down either by force or by public denouncement. And this case – this is very sad. A PERSON is wanting some space and is feeling uncomfortable, and someone can’t even give them free space (which I suppose is definitely available)? Then it comes down to sexism? So women are having trouble, they should go take a separate corner for themselves. We men have trouble, the society should change? Problem is that our country is currently very far behind; sexism is still a part of our nation and thus remains an imbalance in society. My fellow Indians, we must realize that without empowering the woman, providing her with equal opportunity, and safety, we will NEVER progress as a nation. Every woman is a sister, a mother, a daughter. In fact, this woman could have been YOUR sister, mother, or daughter – would your expression not change then? The answer to all the dilemmas is ENFORCED equality. No worrying of medieval time thinkers where women belong in the home under subservience. I am a man, and I believe that it is enough.

  • 459. Priyanka  |  August 10, 2012 at 08:42

    I was numb in shock reading this………being a woman, I could understand what you felt……….society has always blamed women and it will continue to do so, until we stand up for our rights

  • 460. Ashutosh  |  August 10, 2012 at 12:44

    Been following this post since the beginning of times and have regularly been dropping in to read the comments without throwing in my 2 cents and this is how this works:”My place, my rules.” If I support the girl or express dismay over the incident, it’s fine but IF I dare question the lady’s actions or words, I’m everything that’s wrong with the country and I must be admonished and be told that being a man, I do not understand. And in case I put my thoughts in an articulate manner, I shall be ignored. :)

    • 461. chandni  |  August 10, 2012 at 12:54

      What are you talking about? I have let everyone have their say so that we can engage in healthy debate and learn from each other!A lot of people have spoken up in defence of the 2nd guy and criticized the girl too.

      • 462. Ashutosh  |  August 10, 2012 at 12:57

        and those guys have been called distinct names most of the times… though good of you to not moderate comments

        • 463. Aaj Ka Mard  |  August 14, 2012 at 14:18

          If your only purpose is to criticize the the girl cause you now have the opportunity to do so, especially since she herself has pointed out in black and white how she didn’t do some of the things she could have in hindsight, then yeah… you are what is wrong with this country.

          Why is it so important for some of you to make this about the girl? Why can’t some of you look at the guy? Women come forward all the time and talk about the harassment giving themselves up for open ridicule by men like you and others who posted here defending the second guy.

          I have yet to see a man step forward and claim that he was a molester, a lecher, a rapist. Why? And then you have the gall to talk about “being misunderstood”.

          *insert appropriate smiley face*

          • 464. Ashtung  |  August 14, 2012 at 15:18

            1. I wasn’t attacking her but “attacking” the general trend I’ve observed. And you have just given me another of those calling me “what’s wrong with the country” (I’m not offended)
            2.Since this is posted on a public forum, probably expecting people, even those like me, to comment, I think I can express my opinion or observation.
            3. Call me an asshole or an MCP but I don’t even see what really fired you up about those critical of her being criticed and being called names.
            Actually scratch that, you are among those leading the “crusade”

  • 465. Gbhalla  |  August 11, 2012 at 03:35

    Please, as women, lets all just promise ourselves that if we ever see anything like this happen, we will at least try to raise our voice against it and speak up in support of the woman being harassed. Often one word said in support by another person can stave off an entire ugly episode. A lovely quote by Madeleine Albright comes to mind – “There is a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women”

  • 466. ashishrai65  |  August 23, 2012 at 14:44

    I doff my hat at you, lady. May your tribe increase. More damage is wrought not by people doing wrong, but because right thinking people are silent
    Those assholes need to be told that the ratio of travelling males to female must be 50-50 or 40-60 (Owing to the gender bias in sick country that hasn’t been able to check dropping female ratio, due to a medical practice that makes me depressed to recount,) and how many of those 40% can be crowded in 1 coach out of 6?!?!
    For miles there are no rest rooms while men relieve themselves openly. Shameful. More so, when the chief minister of this city is a lady!
    No words may console, and reading long responses, I feel brevity being the soul of wit, I will try and put it in perspective.

    While travelling in public transport in Delhi, one finds ladies hesitant in asserting their rights, and men and even young boys take advantage of their subservience. Often, it appears almost as if they are scared to ask young men and boys to vacate the seats meant for them. In not exercising their rights, they do a great disservice not only to themselves, but to the fairer sex as their silence is conveniently taken as acquiescence by males who take gender subservience for granted. I once saw a middle aged man, in a crowded metro coach, imperceptibly veering towards a girl sitting next to him. She too must have sensed this, for she vacated her seat and fortunately, deboarded at the next station. The state machinery has granted certain privileges to ladies to counter the menace of groping and males trying to take advantage of such crowded situations, which should not be seen as a concession bestowed on them by males.

    Ashish Rai

    PS. Once I made a boy vacate a seat marked “LADIES” for a lady, and she turned back and said she is okay standing!! Taking umbrage I told her that more important than the seat, the message had to be sent to shameless young boys that certain decency ought to be observed in civil society!

  • 467. X  |  August 28, 2012 at 22:06

    The author says no one stood up for, what about the guy who started the fight? According to her the 2nd guy fought for his manhood but what she didnt understand is that he only wanted to help her. A guy misbehaves with you another guy comes to help you and you instead of blaming the 1st guy duck out of the situation altogether leaving the guy who helped you to his fate and when the crowd makes you realise your mistake you blame them. This is pure hipocracy

  • 468. princess163  |  August 28, 2012 at 23:45

    Reblogged this on Silent Musings and commented:
    I travel by the same metro twice a day. As a young woman living in Delhi for a few years now, I am aware of the situation and mindset of the city towards women. I, personally, do not support the idea of a women’s coach as people have inturn made it to be-5 men’s coaches and 1 women’s coach. Yet, each day, I silently step into the coach “meant” for me; for I value my safety & am not able to trust the presence of hundreds of others in the “men’s” caoches.

  • 469. Shariq Khan  |  August 31, 2012 at 01:21

    Hi Crochet,

    Don’t know your real name, so referring to your by your alias.
    All that I want to say has been already written on this blog.
    Still I would like to add my comments.

    First about the seperate compartments. Please don’t consider it to be disgraceful. Consider that as a protective step from the system. Please dont think that you (women) are being segerated. Please try to see it as men are being seggeregrated and rightully.You know, with so many hungry wolves in guise of man, lerching around, you can compare a general compartment to a jail. The murderers and convicts are seggregrated from the civilians for the protection of the civilians. It is the convicts that have to be ashamed of. Similarly it’s a disgrace for men , that because of their mentality women have to keep “in safety” to prevent any harm from them. While the comparison may be too strong, but I guess you would consider the point I try to make here. So, please in future, at least in wee hours, prefer women’s compartment. This is for your own safety. Caring for your safety and using the mechanisms provided for them is not a sham or a disgrace. Instead, it’s wisdom.

    Second point.
    You called the 2nd guy an a****e because in your words, he was concerned about his ego and not about your safety. Well, I say may be, he was one. But chances are , may be was not such an a*****e. If he would not have been concerned about your safety, he would not have stood up for you in the first place.
    May be, as a reader so convincingly suggested, he was trying his chances on you. I would ask the reader, how is he so sure that the second guy was “maro”ing a chance? If he had not said “uske baare mein jo bolna hai bol, par muhe tameez se baat kar”, then according to that commentator, the guy would have been a hero. How is he so sure that the 2nd guy would not be “maaro”ing a chance then?
    May be the 2nd guy was not as perfect as the commentator would have liked him to be. But again, may be he was better than most of us.
    There are also chances that the crowd did not hear what the 2nd guy said to the 1st one, and abandoning you. So they thought you had a moral responsibility to call the police. May be they heard it. but choose to single out you to hide their guilt of being cowards.
    Most of us are cowards; we see such injustice happening everyday, still we chose to ignore/. Later we reach our workplaces, colleges, homes and talk about the incident and try to justify our self with excuses like “yaar main office ke liye late ho raha tha”, “I wanted to help but would have missed my train/flight”, “pata nahi kya wajah thi, kisi doosre ke phate mein kaun taang adaaye” or “saala kaun police ke lafde mein pade”. “mere saath meri behen/gf thi,,agar woh log us ladke/ladki ko chhorh kar meri behen se badtameezi karne lag jaate toh? main to unki safety ke liye chup raha warna mera khoon to bahut khaul raha tha”
    Point is, excuses are many and we have given them on many occasion when we have been mute spectators. Hell, we have even enjoyed road side fiighting and many have even filmed it on camera and shared them amon friends for fun, without bothering to even think what the victim has gone through.
    We all are cowards and have behaved cowardly on most occasions and to overcome guilt have thumped our chest on forums, chat -rooms and in mutual discussions, ki again main wahan hota to zarror kuch karta.
    Well, some people would have definitely done something, but not most of us. And those “some people” are rare and indeed brave
    The secong guy, however momentarily, behaved in a non-cowardly fashion. May be he does not deserve an applause, but in my opinion he does not deserve to be called an a*******e either.

    Anyways, I still say , may be he was really an a******e, may be he was not. May be, because of the commotion, you misunderstood him. May be he said that intentionally to take away the focus and to give a more valid reason to take up a fight ( in response to 1st guy’s question: “so what to you?” )
    May be I would have not tried to think so many may be’s if I were in your place, May be I am trying to justify him because it was not me that was there yestaerday, so I can never really understand your trauma, your anger and your frustation.
    May be. There are a lot of may be’s in my post. Because I am not sure baout any of above.
    But one thing that I can say with certainty is that you Ma’am are really worth respect and admiration. On that occasion you stood your ground with courage. That is no simple feat. That horrible incident, horrible as it was, will however, inspire many to show courage. I say, even you will look up to that incident, when in difficult circumstances you might find yourself losing courage and hope. The retrospection of this incident and how you braved it, will be your beacon.
    All said, most sincere respect from the deepest of my heart.

  • 470. Harshil shah  |  September 30, 2012 at 13:40

    Ok, why didn’t she just get off the couch? If my personal safety is in doubt, then I should just leave that place. Basic human instinct – and yet a whole lot of idiots think that a woman should be able to sit in the same couch as a man. Segregation actually does increase the safety. And why should men help a woman who due to her own impetius behavior enters a cabin full of men. The idea is not about a country advancing, it’s about how wise it’s inhabitants are. Save your ass. Certain men have been raping women for thousands of years, and some still do. Girl wise up and save yourself. Because as you saw no one actually came to your help – and you ranting about it on a blog doesn’t change anything either.

    • 471. Lleyn  |  December 13, 2012 at 14:44

      No, it is NOT wise to install gender segregation! And it is not right to put the blame for what happened on her. In my country, no woman would ever think twice of getting into a carriage full of men, we just do it naturally, and if we are molested, we report it! And molestation in a train is being seen as an outrage that the vast majority of people in my country do not tolerate.

      It is not socially accepted and nobody would dream of telling women to get out of a coach or go to a specifically designated coach for her own safety! If she had got out of the coach, if she had behaved differently and not stood her ground, if she had gone to the women coach, she would have silently accepted a behavior from these men that is intolerable. She would silently have agreed with them and encouraged their behavior towards women in general.

      If nobody came to her help, it’s because the blame was put on her solely because of her behavior – which, by the way, was in no way offensive, she did nothing wrong -, instead of on the men in the carriage because of their behavior! Why do you blame the victim instead of the attacker? Why should she have to behave in a certain way, only because these men think they have the right to behave in such a disrespectful way to her? Instead of changing her behavior (and thus restricting her rights), why not work on changing these men’s behavior?

      The way you think, these things will never change. Where does segregation end? Do you want to disappear under a burkha, because your mere appearance might provoke men into attacking you? Instead of forcing women into segregation, install safeguards in -all- coaches, have police or private security guards patrol the trains, train civil guards or vigilantes who raise awareness that such a behavior towards women is not acceptable. Do not opt for the easy way out by restricting women’s rights!

  • 472. Why is India so bad for women? | AdsKid.com  |  October 9, 2012 at 02:44

    […] June, an anonymous Delhi woman wrote a powerful blog post detailing what happened when she dared not to travel in the “ladies carriage” of […]

  • 473. Atheist Indian  |  October 23, 2012 at 20:18

    I don’t think the fight was your fault. But at the very least, you *could* have shown some support for the second man, rather than deeming him an ‘asshole’ because he lost focus on his priorities. He did raise the issue, in *your* defense and that escalated to the fight that you deemed these guys ‘assholes’ for. And you decided he was an ‘asshole’ because you felt threatened and were morally outraged when you felt was he trying to assert his manhood rather than defending you, the ‘damsel in distress’. Classic!

    In a way, this makes you somewhat like the bystanders that you square the blame on. You decided to absolve yourself of the fight just because it ‘changed actors’ and you felt it no longer centered around you. I don’t know about you or other desi Indians, but if a stranger got into a fight trying to defend me, I’d defend them as well. Plain ethics and courtesy.

    But yes, I think the crowd blaming you or pointing fingers is uncalled for. If they felt such an urge to get involved, the least they could have done is prevent or control the alceration. It is not your fault that that the issue escalated and blaming you for that reeks of typical bystander hypocrisy. I am also glad that you stood up against it and spoke out; you have all my symphaties, being a victim and all that.

    • 474. Lleyn  |  December 13, 2012 at 14:30

      I think what turned her against the 2nd man, was that he told the 1st man that he can speak to her any way he likes, but he should speak to him with respect. That is in itself hypocritical, since it shows a lack of respect towards her, after he defended her in the first place.

      As for defending the 2nd man herself, it seemed to me that the fight got out of hand pretty quickly, so would you really expect her to step in-between two angry men, at least one of them a lot taller than herself? She’s not a kung-fu action star and she already showed a lot of courage, standing her ground in the face of an angry crowd.

  • 475. Hardik Panjwani  |  October 24, 2012 at 00:52

    Here’s my 2 cents on this. [well it’s more like a buck]

    Firstly, its horrid that such loutish behaviour is not universally condemned but Rome was not built in a day; we must believe that things will become better and in order to raise awareness we must talk about such incidents. So, kudos to you for speaking up.

    Secondly, in talking about the 2nd guy, I would start by saying that any interaction between humans is by its very nature Rashomonesqe.
    Eg: Lets say a friend of mine draws a cartoon, shows it to me and I say ‘That’s cute!’ Depending on my tone, these words may be complimentary or playful or sarcastic and the meaning can be easily misconstrued. Maybe I said it wrong, maybe he heard it wrong, maybe both.

    And in situations of stress, surprise or anger the effect is amplified. In this case we have only heard your side of the story and maybe you heard the 2nd guy wrong, maybe it was an unfortunate choice of words on his part in a heated moment. IMHO, characterizing him as an asshole is ungracious [you may argue that in helping you he was just doing his duty, but he does deserve a vote of thanks nonetheless], the worst I would say about him is that he was narcissistic.Then again I am a guy, so I am giving him the benefit of the doubt, so you may very well be right. But since there is no way to settle this lets leave it at YMMV.

    You are certainly right that you could not have done anything once it came to blows between them, anyone who says otherwise has lost their marbles.

    Thirdly, you did a great job of standing up for yourself and not getting down from the train but I think you fell short in handling the incident in the beginning. Indulge me as I try to clarify with another incident.

    This happened to a friend of mine about 11 years back, lets call her Jane. After college, Jane went back home in the evening (about 8ish) in a bus and her house was a good 12-15 minute walk from the bus stop through a warren of small lanes. Usually, the bus she caught was sparsely populated by the time she reached her stop and it was rare to see a new face in the bus at that point. But one day as she got down, she noticed that a new guy (say, John)
    got down after her and she realized it was the young looking big chap who had shot her looks in the bus a couple of times. Worse, he was following her, about a minute behind her whereas usually she had the lane to herself at this time. So she sped up and then waited
    for him to show up in the sight of her building. Sure enough, a minute later he turned right, into the lane leading up to her building.

    As soon as he turned in to the lane, Jane gave him a loud resounding slap and ran to the building. The gurkha had come out of his cabin on hearing the sound and was asking Jane ‘Kya hua?’ when John walks up to the gate, one hand rubbing his left cheek. He looks angry, but comports himself and asks her ‘What the fuck is wrong with you?’ Emboldened by the presence of the gurkha, Jane rattles off a string of obscenities at John, tells the gurkha that John
    was following her and asks him call down her parents. But the gurkha has not moved and she sees that he is smirking now. Suddenly John speaks up ‘I am sorry I scared you, but I live
    in this building. I rented Mr. —–‘s flat, A-52.’ The gurkha chimes up ‘John came to live here 3 days back.’

    Now Jane is red in the face, mumbles a quick apology and goes home. As shes walking away, she hears the gurkha chuckling and turns back to see that John is patting the left side of his face with a wet cloth. Next day, she tells her mom about what happened. A couple of days later her mom takes some food to John’s place to ‘welcome’ him to the building and talks to him about what happened, he laughs it off and says that it was as much his fault as it was hers.

    Jane tells us all this about 3 weeks later, we obviously have a good time ribbing her about it over the next few days. The girls want to know more about John but Jane’s too embarrassed to speak to him, the guys rub the left side face for no apparent reason. :D.

    Eventually, Jane does start speaking to John after a few months. No love story, John was about 9 years older than Jane, though he looked younger than his age. (2nd key factor for the unfortunate slap)

    The reason I shared this here is that at that time we were all very impressed with how she handled the situation. 10 years down the road, I cannot think how she could have done any better. Though scared, she was in complete control of the situation and faced off with the guy (in this case, unfairly) in the right place, at the right time and in the right way.

    Coming back to your incident, people have already listed out a few other things you might have done in the beginning. The idea is that YOU should CONTROL the inescapable face-off.

    a) Reacted loudly instead of speaking softly. Would have worked like a charm, molesters are bullies, speak softly and they think you are easy prey. Growl back and they will turn tail.

    b) Kicked him in the nuts. As a guy who as felt this, [an unfortunate incident involving the crossbar of a bicycle with tight brakes] I can attest that this is goddamn painful plus thought and action crippling for a good 15-20 minutes. Maybe hold it in reserve for assholes who
    dare to touch you and spare those who just use words? In the end, totally your call.

    c) Pepper spray, Taser,. 1st is fair, 2nd is too much and too dangerous.

    d) I dont think anyone else has mentioned this one before. Simply walk away from the door when he refused to move after you told him to move twice, maybe add a zinger comment as you walk away. You said that the train was empty enough. This may look like you are ceding ground but actually you are shifting the battle.

    If he comes after you, then he has made the harassment clear for everyone else to see and you are even more entitled to do either a,b or c than you were before. Maybe this would have managed to get more people than just the 2nd guy to help you out. If he stays where he is, the zinger was your victory spoils, albeit minor.

    Fourthly, the crappy bystanders who were blaming you have no leg to stand on. You are entitled to travel in a general compartment, the ladies compartment is a convenience [unless the coaches are divided 50-50 for men and women, buses in Pune and Chennai work this way, left side for men, right side for women]. But the reaction is not surprising, by blaming you they get to absolve themselves morally for their inaction. This is another reason that you
    are the first line of defense for yourself. This principle applies to everyone, not just women. If you are right, I will stand by you if you decide to fight, but I will not fight for you while you stand by as an onlooker.

    Fifthly, women need to stand together on such issues. Unfortunately, many women let such things slide by, making it difficult to improve the status quo. This is not relavent to your incident, but it is an important facet of the problem.

    Finally, I hope you dont have to endure such behaviour again, but that sentiment is not likely to come true tomorrow. In the short term, you will be better served if you are more assertive about personal space in public. In leading by example, as you have, you give us our best long term chance to achieve a society that’s fairer to women.

  • 476. Jyotsna Edakalathur Velliath  |  December 1, 2012 at 11:17

    Sh*t man!!
    Well, a man like that should be kicked in the n*ts and slapped so hard he remembers his first cry.
    I am so sorry your friend had to go through that.
    Be loud when you react next time And express all your grudge and anger in your words while you shout. This shoos away most fill-in-the-blankses.(am sure everybody out there will still be the same. and so this will happen to one of my sisters out there again).
    Most of these men are cowards and would stop doing the nonsense
    when you react loudly.

    As for the society, I dont even know what to say!

  • 477. Lleyn  |  December 13, 2012 at 14:17

    But she did react loudly, she shouted at them, she stood her case and showed remarkable courage in the face of what could have easily become a violent mob.

    In our “western” cultures, we cannot imagine such a thing happening, the blame of such a situation being put solely on an innocent (though I can very well imagine people looking away and trying to “ignore” the situation rather than helping) and in such an aggressive way. But in many other countries, women are often blamed, for “misleading” men by the way they dress, behave or speak.

    And even in our modern, equal-rights societies, it was all reality not so long ago. I recall a case of a near rape in the 1980s in a “western” country, where police confiscated the dress of the victim to determine whether the way she was dressed “provoked” the man into attacking her!

    But if other countries feel the need to segregate women from men to “protect” them, by forcing them under Burkhas or into specifically designated areas, like the house, or a women coach on a train, what does that say about the men of that country? Are they all vile beasts, incapable of rational thought and restraint? If I were a man, an Indian man or a moslem man, I would feel enraged by such a judgment on my gender. So it is up to the individual to make a difference, before society as a whole can change. But more encouragement by the law and government would certainly help bring that change about.

    To the unknown writer of the article: I applaud your courage and I praise your determination. I would not ever criticize you for not budging in the face of what must have been pure hell to go through. Even though I do not know whether I would have similar courage in a similar situation, standing up for yourself and not give in is the way to go. If more women like you reacted that way, and if women were more supportive towards each other, a conscience could slowly be built in society that behavior as these men have shown towards you, is simply not acceptable.

  • 478. Monica  |  December 20, 2012 at 06:21

    I am not surprised with your experience. Over 30 years ago when I was a student in Chennai I have been groped a number of times while traveling by bus to college. Many times I have stared at the perpetrator and moved to a safe location. I have even been groped by young male relatives living in a joint family situation. In fact I made such a huge fuss after one such incident that I got the person thrown out of the house never to come back. Every time I was groped I used to shout so the person doing it was shamed. But it did not stop it till I eventually moved into a hostel.
    Unfortunately, India does not respect it’s women. Young boys and adolescent men are not taught decent behavior. The condition for women is primitive.

  • 479. kathleen anne bechen  |  December 20, 2012 at 14:28

    Shooting kids in America—Rapes and violence in India—The common denominator is the culturally ingrained violence that glorifies violence against women and children. You only have to look at the way films and media portray men as macho and dominating and women as weak and dependent . Add to this a toxic mix of patriarchal religion and cover ups of widespread child abuse,( All over the news in Britain) and you can see that misogyny is like the roots of weeds. M mothers favoured solution was a cull of men but failing that some answer may be indicated in the old saying—The hand that rocks the cradle, rules the world.—Its a brave woman who stands up to bullies on a train— having experienced it myself and seen it happening to others courtesy of that international species— thug, yobs and oiks—braindead all of them. They`re also cowards. just as a matter of interest, why are women expected to sit in womens carriages? I thought apartheid was something that used to afflict South Africa–Was the writer invading a men only carriage, and given their behaviour, were there any `men` there? My only answer to all this is to shame the bastards —-publish what they do, name names and above all –teach sons to respect women and send daughters to self defence classes’ because when all else fails’ a swift knee in the bollocks cures alot of attitude.

  • 480. kathleen anne bechen  |  December 21, 2012 at 10:19

    PS Mistreatment of women in urban India is often blamed on westernisation and its`looser` morals, but an abiding image I have of the status of women and girls in rural India is a news item about the reaction of a family to the birth of a daughter. The faces of the relatives were stony and grim, as if someone had died. An elder woman offered the newborn to the cameraman to take with him, as if she were an unwanted puppy. The family looked at the silent young mother as if she had given birth to a rat. I wondered if that same family had prayed to their village goddes for the birth of a son. How ironic. If the fearsome Goddesses of the Hindu pantheon are listening to the cries of all their daughters, they will have some serious smiting to do.

  • 481. -Athena-  |  December 22, 2012 at 13:07

    I don’t really know what to say. It is SO disappointing.

    Funny how people in India would show endless sympathy after anything happens but when that incident is actually happening, they’re nothing but mere spectators ”enjoying” the show and relishing on the fact that they got another topic to gossip about!

  • 482. Ashamed, Disgusted & Outraged « The Habitual Binge Writer  |  December 25, 2012 at 03:38

    […] https://chandni.wordpress.com/2012/07/01/i-have-never-felt-this-alone/ , it is sure to send chills up your brains (did that to me for […]

  • 484. sahitha  |  December 30, 2012 at 14:51

    Well done you for taking a stand against all these fit for nothing arses. You as a single person are worth more than all those morons together. I am sure they could not understand your viewpoint in that it is not about seperate coaches for women but men and women together with respect for each others boundaries and personal space.

  • 485. Is safer better for women? | AamJanata  |  January 4, 2013 at 06:19

    […] inside their own homes. An astonishing incident posted on Maidumji’s blog begins with this woman traveling in the Delhi metro who tries to get space from a person leaning in invasively close on her, and gets victimized by the […]

  • […] June, an anonymous Delhi woman wrote a powerful blog post detailing what happened when she dared not to travel in the “ladies carriage” of […]

  • […] Πηγή: Bohemian Rhapsody […]

  • 488. Arnab  |  February 23, 2013 at 13:23

    I’m not shocked or surprised by this unfortunate event. What I was shocked after reading this is that there was no security personnel in the coaches. I live in australia and there are securities in the train who travel with passengers as well for safety of the passengers and they carry accessories such as tazers, pistols, stick and walkie-talkies. Why can’t the indian government immitate the virtues of developed countries? It needs to have security peronnel inside the coaches 24 hours a day??It’s also shocking to know that women are treated this way in india. just like a magnetic compass always points to the north, a finger always points to a woman in india. India will never move forward unless gender discrimination is abolished.

    In australia, the women travel in buses, metros and taxis in tiny dresses. They always flaunt their body. They probably would not have been able to do so if security did not exist for women in australia. Security cameras are installed in every bus, taxi and metro in australia and bus drivers are accompanied by security personnels. Australia takes care of their women. That is why women have the guts to dress up that way. Indian women has to be given the same protection and respect. Women in india should be given the same opportunity. They should be able to wear whatever they want to. No one has the right to tell a women what to do. People who discriminate women violate the democracy of our country, or not?

    Just like I do, I think several millions of people all over india question whether we are a democratic country or not. Well, I definitely do no think so. A country where freedom of speech merely exists, women are discriminated, there is so much inequality. in australia, every one is equal. I, belong to a middle class family in india, would not be able to be acquainted to sweepers, cleaners or people working in fast-food restaurants. But in australia, I am free to do that. I have a friend who cleans toilets in a university. I have a friend who works in a grocery store. I have a friend who works in a fast-food restaurant. I have a friend who does not do any work. I really embrace this a lot. This is the same in America as well.

    I have come to india on an expedition and I’m saddened by all that is making headline and which could be avoided. I have allegiance towards my country and I shall think so, as long as I live.

    Am I going to be apprehended by the police for expressing myself here?

    I disagree that we are a democratic country. When we will really win democracy and freedom, I will leave everything I have, never look back again, never look down again and come running back to my country.

  • 489. raven23  |  April 24, 2013 at 22:38

    I agree she was subjected to a horrible experience but she acts in a self-contradictory manner. First she says everyone is apathetic and then when one man stands up for her and gets into a fight, he is an “asshole”! damned if you do , damned if you don’t …her whole argument falls off because of that..she is judgemental

  • 490. Why is India so bad for women? | Nitin Naresh  |  May 7, 2013 at 23:05

    […] June, an anonymous Delhi woman wrote a powerful blog post detailing what happened when she dared not to travel in the “ladies carriage” of […]

  • […] And if you are an extrovert and a woman at the same time, India is probably the worst place to be as you would be expected to adhere to norms which are outright stupid like the curfew times which would prolly range from 5 in the evening to a very “liberal” 8 PM and this is directly proportional to how crazy the city or village in which they are, is. Not to mention the fact that a women is supposed to be obedient, subservient, should not raise her voice and has to sit chup-chap even if her husband is abusive. Please read this article about the plight of a girl who dared to travel in a general coach of a train in the Delhi Metro. https://chandni.wordpress.com/2012/07/01/i-have-never-felt-this-alone/ […]

  • 492. Ajit  |  July 4, 2013 at 21:56

    Tell your friend….that people are there who believe she did the right thing by not getting off..!!
    And no matter how much we blame this society,but we often forget that its us who makes this society and we are responsible for its deeds..!!

  • 493. Women’s News: Why is India so bad for women? – LadyRomp  |  December 20, 2013 at 17:32

    […] June, an anonymous Delhi woman wrote a powerful blog post detailing what happened when she dared not to travel in the “ladies carriage” of […]

  • 494. Manish Mohit  |  October 8, 2014 at 00:26

    When this movie came out ??

  • 495. Chrystle  |  January 4, 2015 at 06:34

    For me it’s hard to believe I’ll ever travel to India. But seeing amazing strong women stand up for their right to be respected in public makes me hope for a better future!

    Thank you for being so strong!

  • 496. Veronica  |  April 23, 2015 at 04:41

    Wow, I decided to read your blog post to see what it’s like for women in India because I am an American often mistaken as a woman from India. Your post was very upsetting. What you wrote made me mad that no one stood up for you. I’m glad that you stood up for yourself. I hope one day it isn’t like this for the women in your country.


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