What is it about marriage that  everyone expects one to live according to it every waking hour?

Why does every piece of advice, be it about make up, clothes, cooking or friends end with “because you are married now?”

I really don’t get it. I am so done, with the “wear some make up at least? No lipstick, ok, but at least a bindi?”

Pray tell me why? Because you are married. SO? WHAT IS THE POINT? 

Don’t work late? You should go home early from now on…

Lunch with friends? Your husband is “obviously” going along, right?

Spending a day with a male friend? Your husband won’t mind?

I don’t know how boring or predictable life is going to get in a few months…years…decades…but for now, why is it so difficult to for people to understand that two people have come together with the intention of complementing each other, not completing each other. Because we are already complete in ourselves, thank you!

My running home from work “on time” does nothing for us as the Boy continues to work late anyway. And I don’t think he’d appreciate the bindi much…except laughing his head off! And “male” friends, well I don’t think the Boy lives in constand fear of me running away with one, thanks for the concern anyway.

Yes, marriage is time consuming, yes its a priority, but its not my whole life! I still want to hang out with my friends, sometimes just by myself and I still want to do my own thing! Ditto for the Boy. I mean, there is really no other way to live we know!

Not to say that we’ll not be socializing together or have “our” time, but I don’t like the way it is assumed that every little thing I do or plan has to have the Boy as part of it, or his consent! And that is my biggest issue really.

As I type this, a dinner plan is being discussed at work…and when I am asked the same, it is suffixed with “talk to your husband and ask him if you can come”. Excuse me? I am not his pet dog you know, nor do I have a leash around my neck. I can very well make plans and decisions for myself and just let him know.

And on looking closely, I realize that so many people do it to themselves in a marriage, mostly women. Get completely taken over by the bug that “marriage” is, become so much  a part of their “husband’s” lives, that they completely forget their own. What about “your” friends with whom you had lunch regularly? It might get less frequent, but does it have to stop? The film club you were a part of? Your hobbies? Things you like to do, for yourself?

My funda is simple, if it is something that means so much to me, I don’t want it to stop. The Boy is welcome to join and explore, but if he’d rather not, it is equally alright! Just as it is ok for him to take off early morning on a sunday to hang out at the railway station with his buddies or plan a trip from Delhi to Agra, sitting standing in the engine with the Engine driver( long story, details later)!

And then there are certain things you’d rather do with other people. Like watching certain kinds of films or watch a play, because you like them, may be the partner doesn’t. So why should it either be that the Boy learns to appreciate those or for me to give it up? Why I can’t I carry on with a like minded friend while the Boy does his own thing?

As I said, I don’t know how dramatically it all changes over time, but for now, we strive to maintain that balance between being a couple and being individuals. We have lots of things and friends in common, and lots of different interests, not in common as well,  and our “togetherness” translates in to  encouraging each other to explore our individual hobbies and interests as much as doing stuff together!

And we wouldn’t want it any other way!

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